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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
I got a big old zit on my big old balls
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I got a big old zit on my big old balls The world record for pancakes eaten in one sitting is 73 pancakes , held by a Russian man who's life must be an unendurable hellscape of crushing sadness . I am tried (except when I'm sleeping) and hungry (except when I'm sleeping) and angry(except when I'm eating) pretty much all the time . My car has been in the body shop for more than two weeks now and I don't think they've even started on it . My insurance is fucking me up the ass without a condom or lube . I have bills I can't pay . My house is falling apart . I have no woman . I hate my job . I have lost interest in things that once brought me joy . And that's all fine honestly . But what is getting to me is the fact that every 4-9 weeks I get a zit on my balls . It's the little things in life you know ? I wash my balls . I wash 'em a lot . Why does this keep happening ? What am I 14 ? And yes , I know that genital acne is something that happens to old people but don't let your facts get in the way of my joke . And I know what you're thinking "40 , clearly those aren't pimples , you have herpes brah" but you are incorrect . I had the dermatologist take a look , which I'm sure she was thrilled about . I do wonder , did she call the<b> nurse </font></b>over to check it out because she wasn't sure or was it more of a "hey I'm not going to be the only one with my face by this guy's dick" thing ? In the main I've had lady doctors for whatever reason and I've had my junk handled many a time without any fear of erectitude , but I had to say - two chicks kneeling down in front of pantless me ? That was causing a reaction . I blame porn . For everything .  There have been loads of squirrels out lately . I've never understood why people spend so much time an energy trying to thwart squirrels and attract birds . Birds are boring and most of them aren't that pretty . Squirrels on the other hand are pretty entertaining . I have one squirrel (or maybe a bunch that do the same thing , who knows ? ) that tears off hell bent for leather whenever I go outside but he doesn't even climb up the tree , he sits there bottom peeping around the trunk and mad dogging me . Like he's deciding if he wants to give it a go even though I outweigh him by 899 pounds . Speaking of pounds a lady said to me today "I wish I couldn't taste anything so it would easy to eat healthy" . Turns out if you can't taste anything for real you tend to gag on everything and have a hard time eating anything . I guess this is an issue for some cancer patients who's ability to taste is destroyed although it wasn't clear to me if the cancer or the treatment destroyed the taste ability . This also highlights how weirdly pedestrian people's wishes are . Why not wish that you could eat whatever you wanted and look like Sexy McHotBoobs anyway ? Or wish that you could change forms ? Or wish that we were all kangaroos ? It reminds me of an old Kevin James bit where he was on the phone with his lady and she said "I wish I had a magic carpet so I could be there in like 3 hours" . Talk about aiming low with a wish . Wish big , that's my motto . Or it would be if my motto wasn't think globally headbutt locally . So there I was cleaning out my gutters when this cat piss smelling mother fucker rolls up on me and he goes "Are your dogs loose ?" and I tell him no and he gets that look on his face assholes get when they think you're trying to get over on them and he says he says "I didn't even say what kind of dogs they were" and I explain that it doesn't matter because I don't have dogs , I never had dogs , and I won't ever have a because I hate them . And he says "I seen you walking two dogs around here" and I assure him that he has not . And he gives me the crookeye for a while and then he takes half a step forward and then he backs off and leaves . I am 99% sure that when he took that step he was intended to grab the ladder and shake it - or tip it over . There's a part of me that respects him for that . And I know what you're thinking "40 , the last time you fell off your ladder and busted the ass that you don't even have didn't you say you were going to hire suckers to clean your gutters from now on ?" Yes , I did , but I'm a little strapped right now . And I didn't even fall this time . A piece of slime did go in my mouth (it was windy) but these things happen . I rinsed my mouth with diluted bleach so it should be fine . And finally , I wonder are my balls truly big or do they only seem big compared to my small penis ? When I cover my penis (which isn't hard because it is small) the balls look normal sized then . A couple of you have seen my balls live and in person , if you're willing to admit that and render an opinion on their bigness or lack thereof I'd appreciate it . Not because ball size is important to my self worth , but know thyself and all that . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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All right! I'll do it!! From what I recall you are properly dick to balls proportional. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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Whaaaat you're expecting people who have seen your balls to out themselves? That breaks all of the rules of Blogland whereby it is somewhat obvious which commenters know you in person, but never outright stated.  
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 I'll pass on the ball watching invite! Otherwise, a good read!
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Hey, genius! Just use the diluted bleach on your balls! Problem solved! Embrace the suck
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"two chicks kneeling down in front of pantless me" Dyslexia can be fun sometimes this is what I read the first two times around and couldn't understand why you wouldn't get a reaction... "two chicks kneeling down in front of me pantless" "There have been loads of squirrels out lately" Be careful it is nut gathering season and they like nuts small or large...  Vive La Difference
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