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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
Been caught stealing
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Been caught stealing When I was a lad I wasn't above a little petty theft . Just every now and then I wasn't a kleptomaniac like SOME people I could name . I felt I was teaching people a valuable lesson about being careless with their possessions . The world is a hard place if you don't keep your guard up it will kick you right in the asshole . For instance there was this , he was the "rich " although I'm sure compared to real rich people his family was nothing - the point is he got every toy ever . One time I was over at his house playing and first of all there was NO organization system of any kind - just heaps of toys all over the place - he had GI Joes and his Starting Line-up sports dudes in the same pile ! It was anarchy . I was rightfully appalled . I asked him if he had Huffer (the transformer not some kind of weird action figure of a dude that huffs paint fumes) and he said and I quote "I'm not sure , check that pile over there ." He didn't even know if he had it ! So clearly he wouldn't miss it right ? Whereas I would love and cherish it - which I believe is the same justification those crazy ladies who try to steal babies use . So I found Huffer and he says to me "Is that mine or did you bring that ?" So of course I said that I brought it , he was basically asking me to steal it right ? Plus I didn't bring anything over , how could he think that I did ? So clearly he was also a dummy and it's okay to abuse dummies right ? That what society has told me - not sure why but I'll play along . Unless they're so dumb they're disabled , then it's not okay . It's an odd society we live in . Anyway so it was things like , stealing toys to give them a good home , stealing money from that were careless with it - I was a gentleman bandit not a common thug . Plus there was that time I ran a gambling ring on a fake wrestling federation I made up , I suppose technically that was gambling . The only time I ever stole from a store was a scenario in which I really wanted the MASK dude Condor and my momma said that she would by it for me if I walked a certain amount of beans at my grandparents farm . For those of you not familiar "walking beans" is going through all the rows of beans and pulling out weeds . Back then people didn't use chemicals . Not sure what changed . Anyway the amount of work was ridiculous , it was clearly a blow off move , but over the course of the summer I did it . So then we're at the store and I go to the toy section and I get the thing and my mom is all like "Put that back , you don't need any more toys ." Ah , excuse me ? We had a deal ! Put it back on the shelf my non-hairy (at the time) ass ! Instead I walked out the store and put it in the garbage can right out front and then retrieved it when we were leaving . Has there been a more justified petty larceny ? Probably . Sidenote this incident would later be mentioned in the Beastie Boys song Ch-Check It Out . I guess MCA was in the Target in Iowa for some reason when this went down . 40 , we don't give a shit about your childhood thievery ! Patience , I'm getting it the point , I'm establishing that when I was a lad I was willing to pull the occasional lift but I wasn't a jerk about it you know ? Cut to 1998 . Oprah Winfrey was involved in some big flap with the cattleman's association of America . People went crazy because the president got mouthlove from some heavyset broad . Viagra became commercially available . A Godzilla movie came out with Matthew Broderick - it sucked . Green Day was a thing . The worst series in the Star Trek franchise was flumphing along like a snail . I was in a bit of a rough patch . I had been kicked out of school due to the situation with the marketing professor and the sealhide doll (I got back in , you can read the details in my post "Get on that ol itch" it occurs to me now that if you pieced all my blogs together it would a memoir of sorts , a terrible memoir of a life wasted) my temp job at the industrial testing place was over , my "job" selling knifes door to door wasn't really working (I did get a nice set of knives though) and I had quickly blown through my stake of 1200 dollars even though I was living on bread and rice - which by the by if all you eat is bread and rice you have ZERO energy . I lived in trailer park (I had always wondered how I got away with not living on<b> campus </font></b>as a freshman , I found out the other day looking through some old papers - I listed myself as commuter student , good old 40 always looking for an angle) and I owned said trailer so all I was paying was lot rent and utilities - $125 bucks a month . Easy peasy right ? I had missed one month's rent and was freaking out , which I realize now is not that big a deal but at the time I thought I was going to be tossed out at any moment - I was 20 , what did I know ? Since I had nothing else to do really I was spending a lot of my time writing one of the 7 novels I've completed - this one a self indulgent tale of a dude taking bloody revenge on all those who'd wrong me , I mean him . It was the worst of the bunch and trust me , they're all terrible . While I would sit at my computer pounding out this drek (and occasionally watching porn) this idea started going around and around in my head . Across from the trailer park was a little strip mall adjacent to the closed down drive in theater where my peers would go to park their cars and bang . In said strip mail there was an arcade a used book store some kind of mailing center place and a greeting card store . I frequented the arcade often and the book store occasionally - they had some pretty good deals on gaming stuff . Anyway for reasons unknown in the book store at the front amongst the piles of books was a Dreamcast which had not even been released in the US yet and which was listed for $1600 which was insane - the next year when it was released it sold for 200 bucks retail . Clearly no one was ever going to buy it . So what good was it doing her ? Merchandise that never sells is not only worthless but it COSTS you money . Pretty sure my econ teacher said that (this was before the corona de la salsa incident which you can reach about in my post 'Two princesses and the stray DNA' ) . I frequented the pawn shop often because in a college town you can get some great deals because college are morons and sell all their shit for beer money and when I was in there selling my N64 they said something about paying $250 for a Dreamcast . So there you have it , all I had to do was steal the Dreamcast - which really I would be doing the bookstore a favor and sell it to the pawn stars and I get two months rent ! It would be crazy not to do it . Did I mention that one time I was walking home late from the arcade and on a lark I tried the door to the bookstore and it was unlocked ? I mentioned this to the lady that owned the place the next time I was in there and she laughed and said that she forgets the lock the door half the time . This was a Huffer scenario all over again ! And again I am not talking about huffing paint . So I would write and write and write and this scene of me walking in and taking the Dreamcast would play over and over in my mind . One day after a wasted day of doing nothing I was watching the dancing gophers on the internet (that's most what it was back then) and I said to myself - this is bullshit , tonight I'm going to actualize this Dreamcast dream . I'm a good person , I go church (tons of free food at churches in college towns) I pay my bills (when I have money) I never speak harshly to the girlfriends I don't have , I deserve this ! It was a simple plan , wait until midnight (because midnight is when you do crime right) check the door , if it's unlocked walk in , take the think , walk out - nothing do it . Ten of the clock rolls around and I'm so amped up I decide to just do it - I mean the place closed at 6 , four hours later is plenty . I walk over there and the light is still on . Abort mission right ? But for some reason (dumbness) I proceed . The door is indeed unlocked and I don't see anyone in there so I make my move . And , of course , just as I pick up the Dreamcast the owner walks out of the back . Just to set the scene said owner is late 40's early 50's , tallish for a lady , skinny as a rail , boney even you might say , no ass to be speaking of (she would not be rolling in Sir Mix-A-Lot's Mercedes) a fairly impressive bosom for a skinny , very well toned arms , pretty deep crow's feet , dark hair with one of those white steaks that women have sometimes which I've never know is that a natural thing or some kind of affectation ? Why would someone go through the trouble if the latter ? She was wearing a weird gingham type blouse that left her shoulders bare (her traps were also pretty impressive) and a some white and black slacks , not really a check pattern but something like that . It was an odd ensemble . She wasn't wearing any shoes and I remember she feet very clearly for some reason - she had a thin strip of really dark hair on each one , pale purple nail polish and she had that thing were the pinky toe is like curled under the toe next to it . She also had really dark purple-reddish lipstick , it was like a bruise color . It was not appealing . I look like I look now only younger and therefore with more hair and in better shape - not great shape , but better . She raised one of her oddly pointy eyebrows and said "Can I help you ?" "Is this for sale ?" I asked . Never let it be said that I'm not a quick thinker eh ? Needless to say she wasn't having it . She knew what was up . She said she was going to call the cops . My heart was beating like the Shumei Taiko Ensemble and I was sweating like Kleenex at a snot party . She asked "what are we going to do about this" several times , to which I either said that I didn't have any money or just said nothing . She touched my chest and my shoulder several times but I wasn't picking up on her vibe . Snorting she said "You're not very smart are you ?" before I could reply she continued "Do you know how to eat pussy ?" I said that I didn't which was true , and then when she asked if I ever watched porn I said that I didn't which was false . She went and locked the front door and said "Well do you want to learn or do you want me to call the cops ?" She led me into the back office which was tiny - six by 8 maybe - which a desk wedged in there and piles of books stacked to the ceiling all over the place . You would have had to climb over the desk to sit behind it . And there was a computer there and various other bric-a-brac that made the think she did sit back there . She perched on the edge of the desk and threw one leg up on a stack of books - she grunted slightly like she pulled a muscle or something . She picked up a little wooden thing that I think was one of those strange bookmarks people use sometimes , it was about eight inches long and was painted in a pattern like a rattlesnake . It actually looked more like a letter opener but it had not point . It was mysterious . She started rubbing it on her groinal region and order me to kneel down in front of her . Keep in mind she's still fully clothed at this point . I asked "You want me to lick your pants ?" and she slapped me full force , not really across the face but like on the side of the head - the way the Skipper used to wallop Gilligan . I used to get beaten all the time in school but it had been a while and/or she knew how to make it really hurt because man did that sting . It brought tears to my eyes . She grabbed me by the chin "Are you going to cry you fuckhead ? What kind of man are you ? One little smack and you're already crying ? Before I could respond she kissed me hard - the taste of her lipstick was waxy and gross and she shoved her tongue into my mouth in a very unpleasant way before finishing off with a bite to my lower lip that drew blood . Then she grabbed the back of my head and shoved it into her crotch . So I started licking away feeling like an idiot . Have you ever licked a wool blend fabric swatch ? It's not horrible but it's not great either . She seemed to be enjoying it though , she kept scratching at the top of my head like she was trying to grab hair but I had none to grab really since I shaved my head . Suddenly she stood up , knocking me back slightly and she tapped me on the head with the rattlesnake stick (whatever it was) and told me to take her pants off . I did , awkwardly and discovered that the wetness on the front of her pants wasn't all from my mouth (which was quite dry at this point) as her panties were soaked . She sat back on the desk and locked her legs around my head , burying my face in her pussy . She started grinding on my face and she kept saying "take my load , take my load" clearly this woman was bonkers . I felt like I was suffocating so I pried her legs apart and queried "What the fuck are you talking about ? What load ? Do you have a dick hidden somewhere ?" She grabbed my nose , Three Stooges style which seems silly but it hurts ! She twisted it and said that I wasn't there to ask questions I was there to follow commands . She followed that up with a strike of the stick to the side of my neck and then took off her panties and slapped me with those too boot - they were so wet it was like getting hit with wire . She told me to take my cock out and I said "You realize I could beat the shit out of you right ?" Her nostrils flared "And what good would that do you ? Then you're get arrested for stealing and for assault ? Shut your fucking fat mouth and get your dick out now !" I did and she laughed "You're not even hard !" "Why would I be ? There's nothing sexy about this ." She smiled "I just think you've never been with a woman before ." She flipped over and bent over the desk "I think you want my cunt . I think you want my ass . I think you're just scared like the little girl that you are . I think you want to stick your pathetic little inch dick into me over and over and over again until you explode inside me ." She started spanking herself with the stick , each time she would make a little gulping noise and after a while she started saying "Simon , Simon , fuck me like a Simon ! Give me your power Simon !" I never got to find out who Simon was because that's when the police showed up . This crazy bitch had already called them . As they were cuffing him I said that should arrest her also for statutory BANNED TOPIC because I was only 17 . Cop number one remarked "Bullshit you have a beard" but then he asked when my birthday was and I quickly said 8/4/1980 - simple math wins again ! I said she lured me there with the promise of after school work and then took advantage of me . I had no ID on me so we both ended up in the back of the cruiser heading to the police station . But that's a story for another day . 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Sounds like you were punished more thoroughly than the courts could ever manage. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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That's nothing! You should have seen the time that I.... 
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Like a Penthouse Forum story gone horribly wrong. Also, I'm a bit shocked at the youthful larceny.   
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