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The willow submits to the wind and prospers until one day it is many willows  

40Deuce 46M
4633 posts
5/17/2017 6:40 pm

Last Read:
5/18/2017 4:26 pm

The willow submits to the wind and prospers until one day it is many willows

Minutes after I left work today I found myself in the midst of a terrific storm - easily the worst I've ever been in . Tree limbs were snapping , road work signs were flying through the air like angry pterodactyls , power lines were whipping like the cat'o'nine tails of a rabid dominatrix , my car was rocking like there were 50 teenagers inside fucking . It was berserk .

It only lasted maybe 3 minutes but it was wild . I heard my childhood neighborhood really got clobbered .

Things like that make you realize why our primitive screwhead ancestors decided there were gods because I was sitting in a car and it felt like<b> divine </font></b>wrath to me , imagine being outside nude while you're pummeled mercilessly - that'll make you believe in Odin or whatnot right ? Also is weather BDSM a thing ? Put on your gimp suit Jimmy it's supposed to hail !

Have you ever heard the tale of the pancake lady ? I hadn't . In the kingdom , you know the one , from fables , this woman is renowned for making the best pancakes in all the realm . So this wanderer wanders up to her and asks for a pancake which she makes and he eats and he's like "it was good but it wasn't anything special" so she makes him another pancake and another and so forth . After he's stuffed he admits the first pancake was the best ever and he just wanted more pancakes . The moral of the story is negging works . Also that women are supposed to make food for you .

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness .

That's from the Bible . Its supposed to mean that the power of Jesus' grace is not fully seen until your own weakness is fully acknowledged . The moment you are overwhelmed with your absolute helplessness is the moment you are ready to accept Jesus into your heart .

Not sure why I bring this up , just something I was thinking about .

If there's one thing I hate (and there's not there's lots) it's a poorly faked orgasm - and I've seen ALOT . The female orgasm is a lot like professional wrestling , in our brains we know it's fake but when it's done well we don't think about it .

One key is posture . If you're going to fake an orgasm you may as well make it as cinematic as possible . When you're having a real orgasm you are so removed from the moment in your ecstasy that you usually get very still . Use this opportunity to flip around like a gibbon . Writhe around , push your hips up (or down if you're on top , which you aren't) and be all lithe and serpentine, like a sneaky subtle serpent , the way porn would have you believe people look during sex .

Another good thing to do is to punch the dude in the face . Not like SUPER hard but enough so that he knows he's been punched . This is the ultimate misdirection like when David Copperfield made the statue of liberty disappear . This is a high risk-reward proposition , because he might be into it , but if he's not , you get to blame your arm spasm on "involuntary muscle movement" and—hey presto —you just faked an orgasm !

You've probably never seen your face mid-climax , but I'd bet dollars to doughnuts money it looks similar to the face you pull when you're struggling to lift weights at the gym . Faking is a good chance to try out a better look . Half close your eyes in that hooded , seductive bedroom way , and grab your own hair like a stripper mid-dance . If you were really having the big O it would be matting into dreadlocks at the back by this point but this is your chance to flick it about like there's a fan in front of you instead , but not too much, because you don't want to look like you're having a fit . Or do you ?

A faked orgasm is the perfect opportunity to sound like a sexy voice over in an Usher song , which is , if you're keeping track , one of my dream jobs . When you're ready to fake a the big finale , make sure to yelp "I'm coming , I'm coming !" in a husky tone , punctuated with perfectly curated "oohs" and "ahs" (like at 4th of July fireworks) .

As Oprah said he only reason pelvic floor exercises exist is as practice for orgasm faking . Clench and unclench .

Once it's all over , lay about slapping the back of your hand to your forehead like a period drama queen in a too-tight corset saying things like "Wow" and "Oh my God" while panting . Feel free to fall asleep at this point ; after all your hard work, you deserve it .




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superbjversion2 68F  
24388 posts
5/17/2017 7:07 pm

Back of the hand to the forehead .... THAT'S what I've been forgetting! Thanks

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


40Deuce replies on 5/18/2017 4:27 pm:
You can also put the back of your hand on his forehead but that's a little more advanced

smartasswoman 66F  
35813 posts
5/17/2017 8:00 pm

No thanks...I've got my dead fish routine down to a science, no reason to change now.


40Deuce replies on 5/18/2017 4:28 pm:
Don't change horses in midstream and all that

goodatpoetry2 74M
16552 posts
5/18/2017 3:52 am

You're preaching to the choir I think.
They know ALL the tricks...

Like faking the best orgasm EVER just after you promise to take them shopping later.


40Deuce replies on 5/18/2017 4:28 pm:
Am I supposed to be taking women shopping ?

wickedeasy 74F
32404 posts
5/18/2017 1:03 pm

    Quoting smartasswoman:
    No thanks...I've got my dead fish routine down to a science, no reason to change now.
rotflmao

oh god...........i wet my pants.

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


wickedeasy 74F
32404 posts
5/18/2017 1:04 pm

i know this may seem odd but is that an actual bible quote. it's quite important that i know.

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


40Deuce replies on 5/18/2017 4:29 pm:
It is , do you think I would make up a bible verse ? Yeah , I guess I could see myself doing that .

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