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Blogs > hotdreamer1000 > While I was Dreaming |
Fuck It
Fuck It There comes a point when even I just have to say "oh fuck it" and move on. I went to bed last night feeling just a glimmer of something that reminded me of content. Like a kind of, "okay, I am really hurt, but I can't let that stop me from being happy" feeling, because despite my tourtured inner soul I am basically a happy person. Something funny happened this morning which I had to laugh at. I had woken feeling a little more positive anyway. My very best friend, we'll call her Daisy shall we, (I might blog about her some other time, ) is a mad keen amateur show-jumper. Well she's mad anyway. Very talented but mentally flawed. (Remind you of someone? lol. ) She uses me as her motivational sports psychologist. Anyway I had a text from her saying she had just jumped a clear round. So, being careful to choose the right words I wrote back: "Oh wow! Brilliant, keep going now, that is absolutley fantastic, whatever happens next!" ........And then I sent it to the blogger who loved me by mistake! Force of habit! My fingers just automatically clicked on her buttons on my phone. I hope she has her phone turned off 'cos it has a loud rock music ring tone which would have woken her in the middle of the night otherwise! And it made me think....you know, what we had was fantastic, whatever happens next. I know this won't last. I know I have other hard things to deal with, and that not long from now I will be down again; that's just how I am. But I know there is a happy person inside trying to get out, and I know in the end he will, whatever happens next. |
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aaahhhhaaaa!!!! i knew my Dreemy was still in there, just aching to get out!!! just a lil' more and i KNOW you will be ok!
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so you know and have experienced "content"... that is to be kept=share on mind and soul for whatever happens next
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I do and will look for the joy. But I am afraid I am not so sure about each struggle making us stronger. I seem less able to cope every time.
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aaahhhhaaaa!!!! i knew my Dreemy was still in there, just aching to get out!!! just a lil' more and i KNOW you will be ok!
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Thanks for this WillHe; there is perhaps a very small grain of truth in what you are saying. But you really don't know the full story. That's my fault as I have not told you it, but believe me I have lived and am living, as well as dreaming. And mostly my life is as fulfilling as most peoples. I'm sorry if I frustrated you into telling me what you think are home truths, but whilst I appreciate your concern and value your friendship fortunately I am my own man and am perfectly capable of making my own decisions as to my actions. Yes I probably do think things out too much, but perhaps on my blog I have over-played my uncertainties, because in a way that is what I get out of blogging - a place to air out my thoughts. As to following my instincts, they still cry out for me to visit the blogger I loved in America, but she says "Don't come - I will only hurt you more" so I think that would probably be a pretty stupid thing to do right now.
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Forget her, come to American and visit us, and we;ll make you Long Island Iced teas and tell jokes all night!
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Yes, I remember that. Thanks Poppy, you really are helping somehow, and I appreciate your kindness so much.
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Forget her, come to American and visit us, and we;ll make you Long Island Iced teas and tell jokes all night!
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so you know and have experienced "content"... that is to be kept=share on mind and soul for whatever happens next
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Yep... Hope!! Keep it up, dreamer! You're getting there!
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11/20/2008 6:50 pm |
It's wonderful that you are experiencing moments of contentment and amusement about your current situation. Yes, of course you will experience set backs along the road to emotional wellness, but you'll get there!
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I feel a little more like driftwood than a rock at the moment so i am weepy..... This post made me feel much better than the one below i just read. You know Hun, you're so right, what you had WAS FANTASTIC, there's not changing that.....No matter what comes next.....That is an awesome epiphany & yours to ALWAYS cherish. Kizza
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I feel a little more like driftwood than a rock at the moment so i am weepy..... This post made me feel much better than the one below i just read. You know Hun, you're so right, what you had WAS FANTASTIC, there's not changing that.....No matter what comes next.....That is an awesome epiphany & yours to ALWAYS cherish. Kizza
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Oh no, no It's not you Hun, it's me, i'm just feelin weepy at the moment, a lot going on, so i'm more sensitive to your pain, but it's not no BECAUSE of you...Okay!? Don't you DARE stop writing! Kizza
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