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Changes
Changes Sometimes the worst pain is the not knowing what�s going on. You can�t keep the questions out of your head. What is he doing, is there someone else, is he happy with her, or is he just putting on a brave face, but hurting inside too? And if he�s not hurting, why doesn�t it hurt him? (Not that you want him to be hurt, at least not if you are strong and you don�t give in to the anger. But if it doesn�t hurt then it can�t have been as important to him as you thought can it?) You might get answers, if you are lucky, then at least your racing mind might slow down. Why doesn�t he want me any more, what did I do wrong, will this be the way things will always be between us now? What is it about her that is somehow better than me? Does she understand him better, make fewer demands on him, make him laugh more, interest him more? Does she comfort him more when times are hard? You aren�t ever likely to get any answers to these. And it�s safer if you don�t ask yourself because you don�t want to find yourself wondering if he looks in her eyes when he�s coming. You will though, even though you know how it will make you feel. But then if I turn all this around, and think about times when I have inexplicably lost my need for someone, could I explain ever it? Not always, not even to myself. At those times there are always lots of questions I could ask without getting any answers. Why isn�t she sexy any more? Why do I prefer this newer maybe less pretty, or even, less intelligent version? This strange new love who doesn�t understand me but wants to, who doesn�t have the history we had, who hasn�t seen the difficult side of me yet and might not like it. Why? Even I wouldn�t know the answers. Maybe she doesn�t understand all of me, but she gets the part which I need to be got, right now. Or maybe it�s just that new is easier sometimes. You think new is going to be weird until you have new. You think it will be all awkward misunderstandings and a lack of tradition. You think there will be changes. But you get used to new very quickly, and suddenly new is now, new is special, new is something different and exciting. How do you tell someone they got old? How do you yourself you aren�t going to want to do the same thing again next year? And when you are the one who got old, when you get left behind, you still move on, but something stays with you. Some of the changes may turn out to be permanent, good or bad. But as someone I read recently says, �love travels, just like time does.� So it only takes a moment of love for that feeling to last forever. You can ignore it, it may become invisible, but it is still out there, filling in the space between the stars. |
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I have been made, 'surplus to requirements', more times than I care to remember. Because the man at the time thought that, 'the grass was greener' with someone new. Trust me, it's wasn't! I have proof, when they came, knocking on my door, for a second chance. They came to realise that, what they had, was the best they could get! Needless to say, the most they ever received from me, after what they had done, was friendship. I try not to hold grudges, if I can help it. Life is too short! But they must have touched my heart, in some way, for me to have let them back in. If only as a friend! P.S. Loved your ending!
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I have been made, 'surplus to requirements', more times than I care to remember. Because the man at the time thought that, 'the grass was greener' with someone new. Trust me, it's wasn't! I have proof, when they came, knocking on my door, for a second chance. They came to realise that, what they had, was the best they could get! Needless to say, the most they ever received from me, after what they had done, was friendship. I try not to hold grudges, if I can help it. Life is too short! But they must have touched my heart, in some way, for me to have let them back in. If only as a friend! P.S. Loved your ending! Thnaks for your kind words about the ending, but I have to admit I took the words from a line Zandigal wrote about "the space between the stars" and adapted it to fit my theme. So thanks to her really.
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I didn't exactly write it about me....I am not the "he" in the first section. But I have been on all sides of this equation more than once; seduced by the new, sticking loyally to the old, and left with just the space between the stars. Nice to see a new face here, come back soon.
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That's a bad one. Although he was asleep. I think I would be the first to say you can't help who you dream of. But it isn't the way to get back in someone's good books!
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I don't know Stella, but that is pretty much how I feel too. But it can be a problem - maybe there have been times when I have stayed loyally with someone I love too long, even when perhaps I in fact needed to move on. How does one ever know?
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