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| Blogs > hotdreamer1000 > While I was Dreaming |
Because I am Me
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Because I am Me In the last couple of months I have been involved with someone in the most intensely close relationship. But due to a ridiculously star-crossed piece of timing the relationship has changed suddenly, with me getting very badly hurt, and I have been going through the gut wringer. If you have read my blog for any length of time you can guess how I have been feeling, but for once I am not going to describe it in graphic detail here. One reason I am not going to describe it is that I don't feel like that any more. Yes, I'm scared about what the future holds, and some days are better than others. But because of the loving heart of the person I was involved with and her incredible understanding, I have come to look at where we are now in a different way. I know that there is a chance I will be crying again very soon, although she assures me she will not let that happen, and I trust her to be right about that. She was hurting badly too, and would be still had we had not seen that we both still want to make each other happy. We both still want to be together. It is just that when we met, there was a line that I would not cross, and so we remained apart, although at that time we could get closer than we can now. Not long ago I came to the realisation that for her, I was willing to cross that line. In fact, I didn't know it, but I think I was close to being ready to erase the line altogether. If you want to know why, all I can do is repeat the reason she gave me this morning: "Because I am me and you are you." Just recently though, she has found that she has to draw a line of her own. But we have realised that for both of us, these lines may move in and out over time. She tells me that sometimes the lines may move further apart, sometimes closer together, but that wherever the lines are, we will always want to be with each other. Until one day, maybe our lines will come close enough together........... |
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Sorry to hear you are hurting.
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That's both happy and sad,...happy because you both want to be together and say because it doesn't seem to be exactly as you'd like it,...I hope it all waoks out for you in the end Good girls go to heaven,....Bad girls go EVERYWHERE! I love to travel  Come visit my blog tigger678902
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But I like it when you describe it in graphic detail... Elevate me... 
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Hey, I know you think you're hurting... I feel for you. But really, I'm just a dick who's never needed anyone else. You are both damaged... she's right, she is she and you are you and both of you would end up so much better off if you really dedicate some time to figuring out who you are, NOT EACH OTHER. Once you can make you happy... A WHOLE NEW WORLD OPENS UP and all that shit you feel dug in by, vanishes. You will also find, once you can be happy and not focus on this idea that we all have a better half, a missing piece of rib, etc... only then can you know if it's real. Do we have a better half? Right now does it matter? You aren't anywhere close to that yet. Figure out what makes you happy, why you are the way you are and once you do, if there is a second half of you, you won't have to look for her, she'll find you and you'll find each other but not by LOOKING. Now if you need some help on how to focus on you, hit me up. No, I don't like dick, but I have been through the ringer. I was damaged, still am in many aspects I guess if you look at it from a "normal" view. But since I don't lie to myself or anyone else, and don't feel the need to be like everyone else... I don't really give a shit what anyone else thinks and it's great. I went from nobody wandering aimlessly feeling like I was the only animal like me and pretending to be like everyone else on the outside. But inside, I was seriously damaged and had I stopped focusing on the wrong shit would've been able to understand and move on quicker. I am now successful, make well over the national average (probably 6 to 10 times that), I work from home for a national company, set my own hours, do what I love, have a family that I love unconditionally, everything, I love the dream... I like to fuck as many women possible and do shit my wife can not, will not, has never and will never do.... Cool, I can get it on my own. I am not jealous nor do I see physical anywhere on the same level as anyone else. Just because somebody can make me FEEL I don't confuse that with LOVE. Judge me, don't care what anyone thinks, they'll judge anyway. There is nothing anyone can do or take from me that will end up with me NOT being happy with me. Put on the big boy pants, fix your shit, make a new you happen. I'm not claiming to be shit, just somebody that has seen the best and worst in EVERYONE. I can help if you need it, no expectations, don't need them. REMEMBER: Everyone is or has been damaged, some are just better at hiding it.
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As you can see, I don't proof before I submit... I LIVE THE DREAM
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But I like it when you describe it in graphic detail...
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You are not me. What I find is I become happier to erase my lines just as others draw theirs. As I said, you are not me...
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Sorry to hear you are hurting.
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That's both happy and sad,...happy because you both want to be together and say because it doesn't seem to be exactly as you'd like it,...I hope it all waoks out for you in the end
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I think a compromise is in progress, but as I said to Tigger, I am finding it hard to see a vision of the future which I am happy to be hoping for.
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No, you are quite right, you can't go crossing lines willy-nilly. I could accept all that has happened, (well, I have to of course anyway, but....) if it were not for the unbelievably cruel quirk of timing which created the situation.
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Thanks Ama - I need one.
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Hey, I know you think you're hurting... I feel for you. But really, I'm just a dick who's never needed anyone else. You are both damaged... she's right, she is she and you are you and both of you would end up so much better off if you really dedicate some time to figuring out who you are, NOT EACH OTHER. Once you can make you happy... A WHOLE NEW WORLD OPENS UP and all that shit you feel dug in by, vanishes. You will also find, once you can be happy and not focus on this idea that we all have a better half, a missing piece of rib, etc... only then can you know if it's real. Do we have a better half? Right now does it matter? You aren't anywhere close to that yet. Figure out what makes you happy, why you are the way you are and once you do, if there is a second half of you, you won't have to look for her, she'll find you and you'll find each other but not by LOOKING. Now if you need some help on how to focus on you, hit me up. No, I don't like dick, but I have been through the ringer. I was damaged, still am in many aspects I guess if you look at it from a "normal" view. But since I don't lie to myself or anyone else, and don't feel the need to be like everyone else... I don't really give a shit what anyone else thinks and it's great. I went from nobody wandering aimlessly feeling like I was the only animal like me and pretending to be like everyone else on the outside. But inside, I was seriously damaged and had I stopped focusing on the wrong shit would've been able to understand and move on quicker. I am now successful, make well over the national average (probably 6 to 10 times that), I work from home for a national company, set my own hours, do what I love, have a family that I love unconditionally, everything, I love the dream... I like to fuck as many women possible and do shit my wife can not, will not, has never and will never do.... Cool, I can get it on my own. I am not jealous nor do I see physical anywhere on the same level as anyone else. Just because somebody can make me FEEL I don't confuse that with LOVE. Judge me, don't care what anyone thinks, they'll judge anyway. There is nothing anyone can do or take from me that will end up with me NOT being happy with me. Put on the big boy pants, fix your shit, make a new you happen. I'm not claiming to be shit, just somebody that has seen the best and worst in EVERYONE. I can help if you need it, no expectations, don't need them. REMEMBER: Everyone is or has been damaged, some are just better at hiding it. Either way, I always like the chance to see life and the world from another's perspective, so thanks for commenting.
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I reread your post and still see nothing in that line that would change the fact that you are hurt because of some differences in what she wants, needs, does, doesn't matter and that you won't cross that line. So why the hurt? Why the crying? YOU NEED HER? SHE MAKES YOU HAPPY? The lines are going to cross in and out... She is trying to spare you and obviously has the balls to see it ain't the right situation. If you were two of the same and were the ones for each other and she was your missing rib... There would be no lines. I am harsh, I know but I don't care what people think. You are damaging yourself and preventing yourself from possibly finding the one that there are no LINES to consider at all....
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Or you could just keep trying to be something you're not... I mean, that is an option, a very unhealthy emotional, physical and mental option... Good luck, hope it all works out...
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Thanks mmss, I'll try to remember to, lol.
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Lol, "Try to macho up" made me smile Ama. Thank you. I hate the hurting, but I am glad to be the man I am, so I have to go through it.
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