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| Blogs > hotdreamer1000 > While I was Dreaming |
Learning to have orgasms
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Learning to have orgasms I have just had a great time reading some members thoughts in their blogs and advice lines. It reminded me of how I learned to enjoy sex more. I grew up thinking the most important thing in sex was for me to make sure my partner enjoyed it. I liked sex, but I didn't know I was only scratching the surface of what I could feel. When I was thirty I had a fantastically passionate relationship with a girl. ("The Lioness.) When we first got together she was quite experienced and loved sex but had never had an orgasm. I had never had to teach a woman how to before, (except possibly when I was ateenager with my first girlfriend - another good story) but I managed to figure out that she was not letting her mind get into the moment. I told her to concentrate on the feeling of me touching her and let her mind run free, like the difference between someone touching your hand when they give you the change at the cash desk, and someone you are hot for touching your hand for the first time. They are the same feeling on the skin, but completely different in the mind! Once she got the hang of this she began to come beautifully every time we had sex, (which was very often!) I got to know her responses well and could keep her just hovering on the edge of orgasm without losing the moment until she started pretending to be further away than she was so she could trick me into making her come. I love it when a woman rubs her clit to make herself come when we are fucking, but with her I started having to push her hand away to make her last longer! It put me into a position where I could stop worrying about her orgasm and start concentrating on my own, because I knew I could trust her to find a way to get what she needed out of me for herself. I realised that although as a man I had always been able to come during sex, in fact I had been a lot like her in that I wasn't letting my whole mind get freely into the moment. After that I began to let go more, and the sex became fantastic. I had never realised how good it could be, I think this is what people mean when they say sex is better with someone you are really in love with. But I think it is more that sex is better with someone you completely trust and understand sexually. I have had several relationships with women I have really loved but not had good sex with. Is that another skill I need to learn? |
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10/26/2006 12:35 pm |
I wish I could ask you to be my teacher, then I would have made you mine and would have kept you for MYSELF...  I just wrote you a comment on your previous post... in somewhat this regard. Due to environmental conditioning and some past experiences, I think I am one of those women who needs a good teacher to let go. I know I have never been with anyone, whom I can sexually trust to let go... I KNOW and I FEEL tense ALL the time because I am always analyzing every second of my life... of the things that are being done or said to me and the same goes during sex... Physically I have had a few climax since it is sometimes just a physical reactions to stimulations... but mentally I have never been in tune with it... I wonder if it is a wish that I will take to my grave or would I ever find someone like you who can set me free...
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I wish I could ask you to be my teacher, then I would have made you mine and would have kept you for MYSELF... I just wrote you a comment on your previous post... in somewhat this regard. Due to environmental conditioning and some past experiences, I think I am one of those women who needs a good teacher to let go. I know I have never been with anyone, whom I can sexually trust to let go... I KNOW and I FEEL tense ALL the time because I am always analyzing every second of my life... of the things that are being done or said to me and the same goes during sex... Physically I have had a few climax since it is sometimes just a physical reactions to stimulations... but mentally I have never been in tune with it... I wonder if it is a wish that I will take to my grave or would I ever find someone like you who can set me free... From what I have learned the best advice I can give you is this: We all need that special spark in order to really get into sex mentally. Many men either don't need, or think they don't need to be mentally in tune with their partner to enjoy sex, but for me , I know it is so much better if I can find that mental spark. In women I think it is much more common to need the mental side of things; but maybe it is more up to you than you think. What I mean is this: Of course it will be no good if your partner doesn't turn you on, or doesn't care about your needs, but the key for you may lie in your ability to get into the moment, even when you are with the right man. It's not easy to describe. The touching hands thing I described before is a good one. But how about this. You hold hands with your best girl friend as you walk around the shops. Without thinking anything of it she interlocks fingers with you. You hardly notice. Alternatively, you sit drinking coffee at a cafe with her, and your hand is on the table. She looks deep into your eyes, then touches her fingers to yours, tip to tip. She lifts your fingertips, then slides her fingers between yours and interlocks them slowly, pushing them well home all the while looking deep into your eyes. The physical sensation is the same, but your mental reaction will be very different. So when you are with a good man, it will not be so much what he does, but how you allow that to make you feel. You have something stopping you from fully feeling in your mind, what he is doing to you. Maybe something frightens you or you don't want to be out of control. But believe me, the best sex for both of you will come when you can trust yourself to stop worrying about his needs and focus on your own as well. If we can get an email thing going I will offer any other help I can, please feel free to ask. But only if you teach me how to do the link thing!!!
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10/26/2006 4:27 pm |
Wow! we need to talk! From what I have learned the best advice I can give you is this: We all need that special spark in order to really get into sex mentally. Many men either don't need, or think they don't need to be mentally in tune with their partner to enjoy sex, but for me , I know it is so much better if I can find that mental spark. In women I think it is much more common to need the mental side of things; but maybe it is more up to you than you think. What I mean is this: Of course it will be no good if your partner doesn't turn you on, or doesn't care about your needs, but the key for you may lie in your ability to get into the moment, even when you are with the right man. It's not easy to describe. The touching hands thing I described before is a good one. But how about this. You hold hands with your best girl friend as you walk around the shops. Without thinking anything of it she interlocks fingers with you. You hardly notice. Alternatively, you sit drinking coffee at a cafe with her, and your hand is on the table. She looks deep into your eyes, then touches her fingers to yours, tip to tip. She lifts your fingertips, then slides her fingers between yours and interlocks them slowly, pushing them well home all the while looking deep into your eyes. The physical sensation is the same, but your mental reaction will be very different. So when you are with a good man, it will not be so much what he does, but how you allow that to make you feel. You have something stopping you from fully feeling in your mind, what he is doing to you. Maybe something frightens you or you don't want to be out of control. But believe me, the best sex for both of you will come when you can trust yourself to stop worrying about his needs and focus on your own as well. If we can get an email thing going I will offer any other help I can, please feel free to ask. But only if you teach me how to do the link thing!!! Gladly... will be at your service with or without your offer standing... LOL I emailed you... you should be able to email me back as well... then we will be on a roll... Kisses till then.
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Hello....what are you doing lurking down here in what Jake calls the basement!? What a lovely golden egg.
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12/15/2006 1:35 pm |
Wow, that was definitely a thought provoking read! I think there is definitely more to sex than love and that loving someone doesn't guarantee great sex! If someone is lucky enough to find both with the same person then they should hang on tight to that one, I know I would!! {=}
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Wow, that was definitely a thought provoking read! I think there is definitely more to sex than love and that loving someone doesn't guarantee great sex! If someone is lucky enough to find both with the same person then they should hang on tight to that one, I know I would!! {=}
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