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| Blogs > tresennui > Succumbing to Curiousity |
Trials & Tribulations of An Affair
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Trials & Tribulations of An Affair You chat, talk on the phone and finally meet. There's an undeniable chemistry, you .proceed with caution, but succumb to curiosity. You finally have sex. It's fun and exciting. You figure it will be an enjoyable fling, get together a few times...then move on. No commitment, no promises, no expectations. Somehow one year goes by, then two, and what you planned on being superficial now has taken on proportions you never imagined. You play with others, make new friends, but the feelings for the "married one" are so strong that experiences with others, even though they can be very enjoyable, pale in comparison. The incredible passion, the lust, the affection just isn't there like it is with the "married one". Unfortunately, due to that fact that he/she is married you seldom get to see each. You have no control of the relationship. The "married one" determines when you can talk, chat and get together. It's up to his/her availability - whenever he/she can sneak away, find a way to deceive their spouse/partner. He/she may be unhappily married, but making the move to get out is a risk and scary....not just leaving a spouse, but a family and a comfortable, familiar life. You try to be patient and understanding. You don't even know if the relationship would work if given the opportunity to be together more often...but you'd like to find out. You knew what you were getting yourself into from the beginning and remind yourself continually of that, but sometimes it hurts. You constantly question wtf you're doing. You ask yourself, "How did I let myself get into an affair...what kind of person am I?." But the feelings you have for each other are so strong that you justify any negatives that come to mind. Do these things ever have a happy ending, or is heartbreak inevitable?  |
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3/30/2009 10:10 am |
First off, I must really thank you for the blog - very sincere and sexy topics! As a married gentleman who has had several affairs, I must agree in the end both parties will feel heartache as real feelings are created between people who are sincere and honest in the their desires. I believe its one of the reasons why we continue to choose to love others without boundaries. I've hated to end relationships where I knew the other side would be crushed...we always agreed to never cross certain lines but it happens. My only hope is that later when time heals the wounds that I'm regarded as a friend who brought something to her life... I wish everyone well with their relationships and encounters on AdultFriendFinder - its a great place if you meet similar people. All my best...check out my blog and hope to hear from you  - Michael Michael
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3/3/2009 7:08 pm |
Enjoy the time that you have together and cherish all that you can from each other. The mere fact that the two of you do have this chemistry is a rare commodity.
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Actually the "affair" goes through different stages, it also depends is this person someone you really care for or just a fantastic FB. The first stage is the excitement that either the married or non-married person realizes that the other person is really interested in them. A one night stand is not an affair. Through time seeing the same person the affair develops, you email each other, buy small gifts for each other, have this feeling of euphoria and the "I want that person so badly." Emotionally, physically or both is the question. Then comes the intimacy, at first very careful and exploratory. Then with more feelings and understanding. Dates are set up, meetings are set up but all the while the eye is on the clock and the cell phone. The lovemaking is enamored with passion, with intensity, with love and understanding. After a while the get together for lunches or drinks starts to turn more into the fantasy and kinky stage of the affair. Instead of wine and dine, it turns into, meet you directly in the room for some wild sex because we know each other better and don't have much time. This phase is very pleasing, exciting and erotic. This is the turning point of the affair I think. Does it sustain that emotion through all of the meetings, does the person yearn still for the other, is it really lonely seeing those frickin commercials during the holidays as you sit alone or the worse is the imagination of what is going on with your partner when I'm not around. Don't get me wrong this stage can be either 6 months or 6 years down the road but it's the intensity between the two people that will endure the affair. Finally if one is single, they say to themselves, why am I always second best, always waiting, however, if the affair is between two people who have commitments, etc. the schedule of trying to get together can be a nightmare. In the end, in my opinion, the affair is not such a bad thing as long as it doesn't hurt anybody and that is a real big responsibility, if both are mature enough to understand the reality of the situation, like not calling during dinner time or sending porn pictures to your partners computer that's tied to a network at work or texting at night or asking for unrealistic demands knowing that it might never happen, then the relationship will work. The affair usually will either fade, fizzle out, have a complete meltdown or hopefully never have a dramatic conclusion with dire consequences. The thing that is most important is to cherish, respect, listen, communicate, understand and enjoy the affair because most likely when its over, you still have your home as a base but those exciting, erotic, passionate times are gone and you'll say why didn't I enjoy them much more than I should have when I had it. Those memories will stay with you and you should enjoy them but they should also go with you to the grave.
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2/5/2009 10:13 pm |
This is a tough one-very tough. I'll relate my version, as I was on the other side, the "married" one. She was the most exciting relationship I ever had, even now, and this was 18 years ago. But, I could not break up the family because of where the kids were in their lives then. Had it been just the wife, no problem, over, done, bye-bye. The kids were another story and for me and my makeup, I had to see them through to adulthood; my desires had to come second. We agreed finally not to see each other anymore, and at that last lunch she informed me she had lymphoma and it was bad. I don't know if she made it, because we swore to part totally, but I do know she was the most perfect one for me that I've ever known, and I still carry her with me in my heart. For me then, it was a bittersweet experience, and likewise for her, but it was truly the best either of us ever had.
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In my experience, I would say that very seldom do these type of flings work out. Five percent of the time would be my guess based on what I have seen.  AKA The Clit Whisperer. 
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Some times things work out for ya, other times they don't... Maybe in time it will pan out. I agree that because it seems unattainable makes it seem all the better... One man Full throttle No plan B        
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been there myself and i am going back for seconds, you have to be disciplined and not let your heart fall for someone that isn't available...
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Sometimes you become so "fixated" on that one, perhaps because he is so unattainable, that others do seem to pale in comparison. But you never allow yourself to truly "see" them. I know, I have been there. I was fixated on someone for several years and after being hurt, disappointed several times, I realize it is never going to get any better and it is up to me to make that move. Remember the first step is always the hardest.
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2/3/2009 9:45 am |
love to chat with you sometime
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