1420 posts 4/9/2017 9:04 am
Last Read: 2/3/2023 3:12 am
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Women and men at play
Well, after popular demand, ( 2 out of 2 women loved it ) I am posting this as a blog post. It is words for when women and men engage in self service. Some are good for the boys too, like "Having safe sex". Can we make a similar list? I will try and start you off.
SELF SERVICE FOR WOMEN:TERMINOLOGY Digging a Trench Doing your Nails Dousing the Digits Drilling For Oil Engaging in Safe Sex Erasing the Problem Fanning the Fur Feeding the Bearded Clam Feeding your Slot Fiddling the Bean Fingerbating Fingerpainting Finger Blasting Flickin' the Bean Flit your Clit Fucking Without Complications Gagging the Clam Gagging the Lips of Love Genital Stimulation via Phalangetic Motion Get a Date with Slick Mittens Get a Lube Job Get To Know Yourself Get a Stinky Pinky Going Mining Groping the Grotto Greasing your Hips Grissle Rub Gusset Typing Having Sex With Someone you Love Hee-Haw with wrinkled Mee-Maw Hitchhiking South Hitchhiking to Heaven Hitchhiking Under the Big Top Jillin' Off Jocelyn Eldering Let the Fingers do the Walkin' Levy Break Limbo Making Soup Manual Override Muffin Buffin' Nulling the Void Paddling the Pink Canoe Pampering the Pussy Parting the Red Sea Pearl Fishing Pet the Petunia Pet the Pussy Cat Polishing the Nugget Polishing the Peanut Polishing the Pearl Play Poker Play the Clitar Play Couch Hockey for One Play the Silent Trumbone Playing With Her Pineapple Playing with Mrs. Palmer's Five Daughters Playing With the Man in the Boat Pushing the Button Pussy Soccer Riding the Unicycle Rolling the Dough Rubbin' the Nubbin Rubbing the Donut Rubbing the Red Pussycat Scoring the Hoop Soaking the Whisker Biscuit Spelunking Spearing the Bearded Clam Squeeze the Peach Strumming Strumming the Banjo Surfing the Channel Teasing the Kitty Teasing the Tuna Taco Testing the Plumbing The Virgin's Release Tickling the Taco Tiptoe Through the TwoLips Toggling the Bit Tossing Pink Salad Three Point Shot Trolling the Bermuda Triangle Two Finger Taco Tango Washing your Fingers Night in With the Girls Airing the Orchid Auditioning the Finger Puppets Beat the Beaver Beating Around the Bush Brushing The Beaver Buff the Weasle Carpet Bumping Cat Got Tongue Checking for Squirrels Clam Bake for One Cleaning your Fingers Clitters Coming Into Your Own Countering Cunts Creamin' Coming Into Your Own Cunt Cuddling Dialing the Rotary Phone
| SELF SERVICE FOR MEN:TERMINOLOGY Aiding and abetting a known felon Bashing the candle Beat the bishop Be your own best friend Blow your own horn Bugger your hand Building upper-body strength Butter the corn Buffing the banana Brushing up on your typing skills Calling in the secret service Check for testicular cancer Checking the plumbing Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come Choking the chicken Cleaning your rifle Cleaning out your account Consulting with your silent partner Coitus interruptus Date Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters Date Rosie Palm and her five sisters Discovering your own potential Doing your homework Draining the pipe Exercise one's right Exercising your right to privacy Ensuring your next sperm is fresh ( not past the sell by date ) Extracting the protein Fisting your mister Flogging your dog Floggin the frog Flogging the hog Flogging the log Flute solo Free Willy Get to know yourself Go on a date with Handrea and Palmela Having a posh wank ( with a condom, so no mess ) Hitting too close to home Hold the sausage hostage Holding your own Jerkin'the gherkin Liquidating the inventory Locking the bathroom door Look for ticks Looping the mule Love's labors lost Lubricating the love monkey Manual labor Manual override Master Bacon, meet Rosie Hancock Making magic with leftovers Onan's olympics One gun salute One man band One-night-stand with yourself Painting the pickle Play tag with the pink torpedo Play the skin flute Play tug-o-war with Cyclops Playing it safe Pocket pinball Pocket pool Polish the family jewels Polish the helmet Pull your own leg Pulling your own weight Roll your own Roping the pony Romeo and himself Rub one out Run off a batch by hand Sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights Safe sex Saluting the general Sampling the secret sauce Secret handshake Seeing my mistress ( when you use your other hand) Self exploring Shake hands with the unemployed Shake hands with your wife's best friend Shoot for the moon Shooting yourself in the foot Sizing things up Slap high fives with Yul Brynner Slap pappy Slap the donkey Solo flight Solo marathon Sperm evacuation Stretching the truth Take matters into your own hands Take part in population control Taking a few practice shots Taking a load off Talk quietly to yourself Tending to your own affairs Tossing the turkey Unloading the gun Wake the dead Work things out Working at your own speed Wrist aerobics |
Aha, a wanker joke!
Irish builders (Patrick and Seamus) are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit
Pat: - I reckon he's an accountant.
Seamus: - No way - he's a stockbroker.
Pat: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Pat and he makes for the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him. Pat: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession
Pat: - Oh? What's that then?
Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ....... Do you have a goldfish at home?
Pat: - Er ... mmm ........... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?
Pat: - It's in a pond!
Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Pat: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.
Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house?
Pat: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ......... built it myself!
Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And with a family?
Pat: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four .
Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Pat: - Yep! Five times a week!
Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often?
Pat: - Do what? Not me, mate!
Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Pat: - How's that then?
Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!
Pat: - I see! That's pretty impressive.. Thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Pat returns to his mate.
Seamus: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Pat: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!
Seamus: - What's that then?
Pat: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
Seamus: - Nope
Pat: - Well then, you're a wanker
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 9:06 am |
What do you call your self service playing?
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I AGREE
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YES THATS TRUE
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 9:26 am |
Me too. Thanx
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 9:28 am |
I AGREE. THANX
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16552 posts 4/9/2017 9:38 am |
I think you have ALL the phrases covered! And a great joke to go with it, too....
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 10:12 am |
Quoting deussemper: Beat cheetah
or
Spanking the monkey
Nice ones deussemper. Thanx for visiting and the comment!
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 10:14 am |
Quoting goodatpoetry2: I think you have ALL the phrases covered! And a great joke to go with it, too....
I think there are more goodatpoetry. We will find out soon. The wanker joke, so apt, lol. Thanx for visiting and commenting!
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 10:18 am |
Thanx desMoines! I will write 100 times "check the order on my lists". It took me ages to create my 1st ever table, and that must of thrown me. Thanx for popping by and commenting!
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 11:41 am |
Hey funsmartfriendly, thanx! It's a good list but I am sure there are some good ones missing. As for the colours, you are the first ones who mentioned the schceme. Why sorry? What have you done? Thanx for visiting and your comment!
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32404 posts 4/9/2017 12:31 pm |
the irish joke is a kick.
tbh, the lists were too long for me to read all of them, so I read the male side. there were a few I hadn't heard before. and I assume every culture has it's own derivatives.
You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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4077 posts 4/9/2017 1:12 pm |
Quoting wickedeasy: the irish joke is a kick.
tbh, the lists were too long for me to read all of them, so I read the male side. there were a few I hadn't heard before. and I assume every culture has it's own derivatives.
Hey wicked! I am sure there are many left out. As you say, every culture has it's own. And no I don't have a gold fish either!!! Thanx for coming by and commenting!
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I AGREE
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4077 posts 4/10/2017 1:42 am |
Thanx for your comment.
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4077 posts 4/10/2017 2:28 am |
Thanx author! Hope you found some new funny ones. Smiles are free in here, and I can guess you feeling better today! Thanx for coming by and your comment!
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20051 posts 4/11/2017 4:18 pm |
This made me laugh! hahahhahah I'll tell it to my friends, kk
The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming#39 April Topic Link: What Lies BeneathIf April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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4077 posts 4/11/2017 4:48 pm |
Quoting KItkat1415: This made me laugh! hahahhahah I'll tell it to my friends, kk
Hey kitkat! There are some funny ones on the list. Everytime I look at it I get a different favorite. Today they are Having Sex With Someone you Love, and Free Willy! Thanx for popping by and commenting!
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