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| Blogs > tscolette > TRANSSEXUAL ADVENTURE |
Finally the Pacific N.W. is getting on with the warmer season show...
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Finally the Pacific N.W. is getting on with the warmer season show...  Sporting my new fancy pants Italian sunglasses... the verdant blast of the season behind me. If you knew me personally, I am a very goofy, comical person, my serious expression is very enigmatic. Secret Ay-gent Girl, they're givin' you a number, and take away your name..... I am doing well, I have been playing a financial waiting game relative to the distribution of resources from an estate to which I am an heir. It is finally proceeding through the courts, all is well, and I am soon to be on to the next phase of my life. These last years of such vast personal change have been difficult, productive, scary and rewarding. I have changed my gender in every day life, ended the behaviors and healed from decades of addictive life, attained an advanced graduate level education... often on the high wire of social isolation and poverty. I thought about it today, I had business 'out' in the city today, printing and faxing documents relative to personal finance and a salon appointment to get my nails done... the photo was me getting home from those errands this afternoon... sporting a pencil skirt, stockings... I went about my affairs... undressed, took a nap, changed into jeans and a low cut t-shirt, cinched up my bra straps to get a naughty decolette, freshened my make up and went out for a leisurely, conversant meal with a nice<b> platonic </font></b>man pal... Thai food... I picked up the check! Came home put on some cute tight exercise pants and matching hoodie and off to the grocer for Ice Cream (I LOVE SWEETS!), sparkling water, milk for the morning coffee... not remarkable in any contemporary female life.. with exception of someone who is transsexual. I go about my affairs so seamlessly, all six, curvy feet of me... I am comfortable with me, I give all this change very little thought... I just am thankfully blending into society, no longer animated. I am just another colorful flower in the garden, and that is all I ever wanted for myself. I tortured myself so many years over my desires and feelings. My life is so crazily, simply, gratifying... living an easy, slacker, comfortable life. People look at me, sure, I never get the impression they think negative things - If so they are not expressed... Just a tall, well kept, anonymous urban girl. Digging into this blog at all, I have just come so far. Whether a reader is a trans girl, a guy that thinks I am sexy, or someone else... "If I can accomplish all this starting in my mid 40's, you can do what is important to you, find your dream, succeed, and become a happier, more whole person". My life was a total mess, unraveling years of self loathing, healing myself, getting mentally and physically healthy and blooming into this entirely new person in mid life... WOW!! I do not think of it much, I just am... walking to the market earlier this evening I was just struck by how fortunate I am to be me... and to have surmounted the challenges I accepted a half decade ago. It took so much to just take all the constructs of four and a half decades of a life and toss 90% of it in to the trash... Today it seems like such a modest, necessary thing to have done. Paling in contrast to my mostly personal unseen accomplishments... I am super proud of me... I'll never be recognized for my valor. Mine is a strangely private path, perhaps it is why I try and describe parts of it here. I have always been a dorky coin collector, I have transferred that expertise and passion into a small lucrative business on the megalithic online auction site... I have a modest part time job, that I can grow into a much bigger venture. I have been waiting out this financial windfall... planning to run like hell to Seattle as soon as I got the check. Thing is, I've been running around, perhaps away from myself, my whole life... I kind of like the form and design my life has now... it's choice, the modesty of laid back life in Portland may just be all I need. I see the demands of moving to a larger city to be like jumping onto a 50+ hour a week treadmill, lost in the accepted cultural axiom of professional enslavement, OOPS!! I mean employment. I think for me that may not the answer. I have gained far more playing by my own rules. Living by our cultural axioms almost killed me far too young. I am weighing things very carefully, but in my favor. That is the new part, I think anyone can relate to. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, and then we met.- Rodney Dangerfield |
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5/22/2011 1:22 am |
MMMM, wish we lived closer to one another.
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