Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
If the email is registered with our site, you will receive an email with instructions to reset your password. Password reset link sent to:
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service
Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now

Just for laughs  

gattomonstrosis 58M
152 posts
3/26/2017 1:37 am
Just for laughs


AdultFriendFinder Application for the post of Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Lover/Casual Cumbucket/Casual Jizzhose

Name:

Age:

Real Age:

C'mon Obama, what's on your Birth certificate:

Height:

Height without lifts/platform shoes/heels:

Weight/Build, male applicants should refrain from the use of 'Portly' as a description if they have a beer gut larger than the belly of a woman in the last days of pregnancy and should indicate if their breasts are larger or smaller than those of the prospective girlfriend:

Vital Statistics. Male applicants should include a visually verified measurement of length and girth against an object of internationally standardized dimensions:

Do you have all of your own teeth:

Do you have all of your own hair, please indicate the level of ridiculousness of any measures being used to hide baldness on the Trump/Tribble hairpiece scale:

Do you have any extra hair, please indicate if your back looks like a bearskin rug:

Current Location:

Rent: Own: Living with parents: YMCA:

Current Relationship Status:

Actual Relationship Status:

What the IRS thinks your relationship status is:

Number of Dependants, please include pets, male applicants should include all trucks with gun racks, huntin dawgs and beer buddies, female applicants should provide an estimate of the total number of cats to the nearest dozen:

Education:

Occupation:

Promotion Prospects:

Monthly Disposable Income:

Please indicate if you are looking for long term/long term with extra participants/short term/one night stand/weeks of talking before losing interest or not turning up to a date:

Please list all previous relationships in chronological order with dates and reasons for termination and full contact information for reference checking. Please include batshit crazy ex's and stalkers you slept with once and subsequently had to move to get away from:

Number of previous sexual partners. If different from above please include percentage that were willing to see you more than once:

Please list the number of previous partners who would describe you as a batshit crazy stalker they slept with once and subsequently had to move to get away from:

Number and severity of current or past STIs:

Please list all previous sexual experiences in order of preference, all applicants should indicate acceptance or rejection of anal and oral up to and including swallowing:

Please list all sexual fantasies in order of desire for fulfilment, male applicants should indicate the likelihood of a prospective girlfriend coming home early and finding her boyfriend parading in front of the bedroom mirror in her underwear, unless the underwear will look better on him than on her in which case such activity should be confined to the darkest recesses of his brain:

Please describe what you are offering and what you expect, note "Cock and Pussy" as an answer requires fleshing out.

Become a member to create a blog