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| Blogs > myelin36 > Dirty Little Secrets |
You Can't Outrun Your Insecurities
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You Can't Outrun Your Insecurities Last weekend I attended a professional training workshop with my business partner and a woman interning at our practice. Throughout the course of the training, the three of us dined together for lunch, dinner and occasionally breakfast. Saturday evening, my partner treated us to dinner at a 4 star dining establishment. At the conclusion of our meal, the intern leaned over to me and announced, "Wow, you have quite an appetite!" I was dumbfounded. My colleague looked at me and stated, "I think what she means to say is for being so thin, you can sure eat." I shrugged it off but could not help but feel secretly angry by what I felt were passive aggressive jabs at me. It is a faus paux to make such statements to anyone overweight but not if you're healthy and thin. What was painstakingly obvious was that I was the only person at the table that was thin. Insecurity is the root of a lot of issues in women particularly with low self-esteem. You’ve undoubtedly heard it said before that solid relationships are built on trust, or at least something to that effect, and I think most people would find that difficult to argue with. The thing about insecurity is that it can sometimes be hard to spot — or worse, sometimes you think it’s a good thing. Quite often it could be the reason why a friend or a lover is pulling away. Here are some signs that you might be an insecure person: 1. You get easily jealous of others. 2. You insert yourself into every conversation regardless of the topic. 3. You constantly seek validation. 4. You are the queen (or king) of guilt trips. 5. You run others down (this can be covert or overt actions). 6. You are bossy and domineering. 7. You don't take criticism well. 8. You belittle others' achievements. 9. You take joy in the misfortunes of others. 10. You constantly have to one-up others. Do you find yourself guilty of doing any of these things? Maybe you aren't even aware that you do them. The good news is that insecurity can be cured. Self-esteem is the at the root of the issue. Examining your own inner self critic may be helpful. Have a wonderful weekend friends. xoxo{=} myelin36  |
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1/23/2015 6:00 am |
Great blog!
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To be honest I would have said it was an honest compliment by your dinner companion, nothing more or less. You are extremely fit after all so it seems like an innocent comment. We all have insecurities, some folks just handle them better than others.
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Very true but unfortunately, I think people who are guilty of doing those things rarely see themselves as insecure. Often, these are people who believe they have valid reasons for their behaviours, don't see them as negative traits and any self examination they might do would only be to find justification for them.
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Ditto on what Undoing said When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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I believe that nearly everyone goes through an insecure period in their teenage years. Most of us probably experienced some of the items on your list in high school or even college. Sadly some people never become secure. Thank you for posting this, myelin36. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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1/23/2015 11:47 am |
When someone else is paying the bill... I eat a week's worth!  People always comment with the "I have never seen you eat so much" (or eat at all, in most cases). I have the metabolism of a teenage panther. THEY may be the jealous ones, dear. Especially since you mention that YOU were the only "thin" one at the table. Her comment may have stemmed from her OWN insecurity. Particularly based on your list of indicators.
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I can come up with 11 signs. Smart as a horse and hung like Einstein.
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I am thinking that you might have been surprised by the comments made. As you are I am into fitness.......those that are not don't have a clue. I am knowledgeable of your regimen..both training an diet. I am on a different plan that leaves people making the opposite comments. I made a lifestyle choice to make sure my diet is in moderation. I love food.....and I could easily pack on an extra 20 lbs and it would be ok. I choose not to.....so I can't eat cheeseburgers...steak.....bacon etc everyday. I enjoy eating but I realize I can't do it everyday.... Click Here To Read A Hot Erotic Story: When A Woman Meets A Stranger Part 1 of 4
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Foods you have prepared and mentioned in previous blogs tended to be very healthy vegetarian. Just my own curiosity... were your dinner choices significantly different than the choices they made?
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Hmmm, Insecurities! I'm very familiar with those kind of remarks relating to food consumption and being so thin. I've suffered through the horribly insensitive comments made by individuals that where wishing they were in the same situation all my life  . We know the secret though don't we  ? Keep an active lifestyle. In my case I've always been busy doing something to burn those extra calories, usually work related or some kind of extra curricular activity. I've always been on my feet all day doing the work I've done. I'm sure metabolism has something to do with it also but you can't expect to eat well and sit around at a desk all day or on a couch and not expand slowly but surely. I've noticed I've put a little fat on lately (on then off) but I know exactly why. I've had sporadic work over the last several years with the economy being what it has been so I find myself sitting at my desk to much in relation to field work and my extracurricular activities have dropped off  .But the real issue is why are you so insecure that it bothers you when someone makes such an insignificant remark? I've always taken such remarks as complements  . Do past weight issues make you sensitive to the subject  . Are you feeling that the intern has an issue with you? Is she trying to get you  . Do you possibly have an issue with her  ? Are you simply thinking to much, over evaluating the situation  ? (Or am I the one over thinking  ) "What was painstakingly obvious was that I was the only person at the table that was thin." Was "painstakingly" reflecting your feelings or just an extra word to stick in there? I wouldn't think you would be uncomfortable or insecure about being thin . Is your self-esteem suffering?But as to your main point and on a darker note, I do agree that insecurity is a root problem for women with low self-esteem. My former wife had serious self-esteem issues and insecurity issues and I couldn't get through to her in any lasting way to help her with those problems. It was one of those self fulling prophesies for her. She was always wondering why I would put up with her and all the things she did. She couldn't accept the fact that I loved her and understand what that meant. So she just got worse and more intense and did things that pushed me away. Insanely jealous, always putting others down, constantly accusing me of screwing around, lying all the time, etc. etc. She hit all your points above to one degree or another. But I still loved her, I just couldn't stand to deal with her anymore. You get sick of fighting about nothing all the time. I have a grocery bag full of her apologies and promises to do better. The make ups weren't good enough to counterbalance the problems after a while. Then she got into drugs, and alcohol to an excess (mostly cocaine) and lied about that too claiming it was her medication (anxiety) that was making her act the way she was. She denied she was using drugs. It sure showed up later though. She had been using credit cards to get cash advances to go buy her cocaine (surprise everyone of them had my name on them also). I was home from work one day and I got several phone calls from the credit card companies. It turns out she had gone through twenty thousand in three months on the credit cards alone, all for drugs. Credit cards that weren't supposed to have any balance on them. That was the day I'd had enough. I've only scratched the surface here but I know very well the effect of low self-esteem and insecurity in a woman. On her and those around her. I do have to say that the only real regret I have in life is that I wish I'd known what kind of person she was before I'd married her. It could have saved a lot of wasted time and we have two kids who have paid dearly for her lies. But it isn't anything I dwell on though. Vive La Difference
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Yes, I admit all the time that I am insecure. 3 and 7 are always going to be an issue. I realize I do one-up people too much, or make some issue "about me" when I'm really just intending to participate in the conversation. Those last things aren't really related to insecurity, but more about social awkwardness. I don't run people down, or make jabs at anyone (except my mom and grandmother ... and that's just payback for the shit I get from them). I take pleasure in other people's misfortunes when they've hurt me, or they're just generally assholes who are getting a nice dose of karma. I actually do have a weird mix of high self-esteem but high insecurities. I know what is good and unique and interesting about me, that I am most proud of. But, like a in a relationship, when I don't really know if someone does like me or that they even know or understand me, and I get no feedback, or the feedback I get is "surface stuff" or what I do FOR them ... and then I look at the women they were crazy about and see no similarities between us and not much that is particularly positive about them ... it does start really screwing with me, and activates my "Woody Allen Syndrome" (You can't really like me because I'm unlovable, but if you do - there's something wrong with you) shit my mom seeded in my brain and still repeats today. I'm aware of it, I work on it all the time, but it isn't going to go away.
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