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| Blogs > kolohegirl2phuk > My Blog |
Why.......
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Why....... UGGGHHH A couple of years ago I met you. From that point on, you know how I was with communication. I'm very big on communication. I need to talk things through. Yet, I knew, through that communication that you needed your privacy at times as well. I was fine with that, as long as you'd communicate that with me, we could work through this. We had our shares of ups and downs. Somehow, though, we always seemed to be able to work them out. Then, you became very distant, and during this time, no matter how hard I tried, there was no talking to you. The distance grew and I allowed you the space, all the while hoping for better days ahead. Then it happened, my first real wake up call. You shared with me how you were "off island"- you told me it was for work. So my friends and I go to the club and there you are. Yes, you and I, face to face in the club - and YOU are with HER Proving your first mistake and making a fool of me for being patient and giving you the time to communicate with me. To top things off, you are drunk and put on the act of "not caring." I knew you better, or did I? At that point in time, I was over you - in my phone, messenger lists and email - you were done - deleted! You call me one day, close to Vday, wanting me back, and so we talked again. Commuication being my weakness, as you shared the misunderstandings and the reasons and such, I cautiously allowed your friendship ... to be rekindled and I let you back in. Your work then got the best of you and off you went ... gone for about six months completely and totally out of my life. I moved on, or so I thought, I wanted more and yet, thoughts of you still lingered there in my mind, in my dreams. and then ... ... one day out of the blue, without warning, without prompting, you decided to try to get back into my life. As if I am an unlocked dook, as if there was nothing but open spaces here, you call me. The communication begins with you asking for me - for me to be back in your life, and going as far as saying that you want me, all of me back again. You share about all your needs, having to start over back in Hawaii again, and having to figure out what to do in terms of housing and work and such. Work gets in the way again, and off you go - sent to another place = this time you tell me its just for a week or two. You'd be here - for me - for sure. Yeah right ...I should have known - shouldn't I? It was right back to the same old you. I knew I was right when I asked, "do you really know what you want?" You couldn't even give me a straight answer. Your replies were clouded by scenarios and situations and excuses after excuses. Yet, each of those included me? Why? I wondered and you kept saying, I want you. I want to be with only you. Finally, after being away for that job a few days, you write to be and communicate how you realized that you didn't know what you really wanted. Although you were far away, and although it would be so easy to stop communicaiton, I kept in contact with you. I was a friend. I gave you a chance to share your day's work and play with me, giving you the opportunity to simply be a friend. The friend I told you that I would be for you, always. So now I sit here and wonder why! What was so difficult in commuicating with me? Why couldn't you just be a true friend? How difficult would it have been to be up front and honest about your leaving? I had asked you about that simple fact of life - I knew, from all the signals that you'd be leaving the island. It would have been so easy to just tell me the truth, but you chose not to. The hardes part is that you knew I had gone though this type of thing with the one before you. Yet, you did the very same thing he did.....I ask myself - am I that horrible that you had to lie to me? The only thing that I'm guilty of was loving you. Giving you chances that others reminded me was wrong, blinded by love and lust and<b> infatuation. </font></b>I wonder what ever happened to that person you were - the one who loved me, and the one I fell in love with..... So, answer me?? Communicate - Why couldn't you just be HONEST, UP FRONT, NO HEAD/MIND GAMES? Why lie about moving? About getting your PCS orders? Especially when we both knew that your time was up. Why couldn't you just be a MAN about it? I'm a grown WOMAN I know how to be a friend who is TRUSTWORTHY, FRIENDLY, UP FRONT, HONEST, NO GAMES type of person. I honestly have no reason to lie, what good reason does anyone have to treat another like that? I am guessing the entire relationship was a one sided thing. I just don't understand the male species at all. Can someone explain these creatures to me. |
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