1129 posts 2/21/2010 6:06 pm
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Sucked in & stitched up
LOVE IN A VACUUM OR LOVIN' A VACUUM
I was probably around 20 years old. It was shortly after I had moved to Melbourne for the first time. The day was a warm one and I was sitting on my bargain basement crimson couch type arrangement, which was situated in the rather smallish and dingy lounge room of my newly rented 1st floor one bedroom red brick flat.
I was sitting on my couch in a pair of loose fitting shorts and feeling somewhat amorous as a free young buck does in most spare moments. As I didn't have a willing girlfriend (or any other type of girlfriend for that matter), nor enough money to ring one of those come to your house -rent a girl type arrangements, I continued to sit on my couch and contemplate ways of relieving my plight. Of course, I could have just had a wank like most normal people do in these situations, but having done just that a couple of times a day for most of my post pubescent days thus far, I had become somewhat nonplussed at that particular thought.
It was at that precise moment, it struck me like a bolt from the blue. I had recalled a conversation I had overheard from two males when I was around 13 years old. They were laughing at and with each other, about how they and a number of their fellows, had gotten totally drunk as skunks, and had taken turns of having their way with a vacuum cleaner. Hmmm! I had a vacuum cleaner. Surely this would be a new experience and had to be better than just sitting here and wanting to let loose a load.
I retrieved my vacuum cleaner from the closet in which I had placed it to rest. I took it into the lounge room, plugged it in, ripped off the flat floor sweep suction attachment and revealed it's long, slender, plastic, suck tube. As I gazed into it's long deep hole, I remember wondering if I would fit. It did seem a tad on the small size. Well there is only one way to find out, I thought to myself as I pulled my shorts and jocks down to my knees to reveal my floppy disinterested todger. As I tried to insert my cock into the tube, I found that I was right, it didn't fit. It appears I must be a bit thick. However, as I didn't have an erection and was still in a flaccid state of non arousal, I managed to squash and prod my whole cock inside the tube with a couple of minutes of assistance of my pushing and poking index finger. Indeed the start of the tube was now jammed tight against my lower torso at the base of my cock.
The moment of truth had finally come as I reached over and ficked the on button. As the vacuum cleaner whirred into action, I heard a loud
THHWWWOOOOOOPPPPPP!!!!!
and felt my cock explode into an instant erection. But it did not feel right as my cock attempted to expand but could not do so due to the confining restraint of the hard non flexible plastic tubing. I immediately tried to pull the tube from my cock, but was unsuccessful, managing only to wrench at the skin and sinew holding my appendage to my body. The tubing would not budge. I was jammed in tight. Real fucking tight. My cock was starting to ache as the blood continued to engorge my cock which could enlargen no further due to it's tube restraint. A strange feeling of dread as well as an unnatural pain was ebbing through my body. Something had to be done to relieve this situation and it had to be done now. I turned the vacuum cleaner off and pulled hard.
"ARRGGGHHHH!!!!!"
I screamed, as the tube attempted in vain to remove my penis from my body with the assistance of my pulling hands. I removed the tube from the vacuum cleaner, then I twisted, turned and yanked at the tube in a vain effort to release it's grip on my cock. It just would not budge. My cock was really aching now with heavy throbbing pulses of pain. What was I to do?
I lay back for a moment and gazed at the metre long length of tube that protruded from my groin and extended into the air. There was nothing else for it, I would have to cut it off, to free myself. My toolbox was in my bedroom and as I waddled hurriedly, with my shorts and jocks around my ankles, I misjudged the doorway as my body passed through but the tubing didn't. It smacked hard into the doorway, thus forcing my cock to twist at a most unnatural angle. Fuck that hurt!
I used the hacksaw to cut off the excess length off tubing and commenced sliding the utility knife slowly and carefully down the remaining 9 inches that was still jammed on my cock. I was careful to repeat following the initial track made by the knife. Over and over again. I was almost through the thickness of the tube when I commenced running the knife down the tube again, when suddenly I realized that I was through, but it was too late, and the momentum of the knife slide made it cut into my cock. A deep 4 inch slice through the flesh, along the length of my cock.
"ARRGGGHHHH!!!!!!"
I remember screaming again, only much more loudly and desperately. That really fucking stung. There was nothing for it. I grabbed some electrical tape from my toolbox, wrapped it as best I could around my cock to try stem the blood flow and to hold it together, then got a towel and scrunched it around my groin, pulled up my shorts to hold it all in place, then quickly went to my car and drove to the hospital.
"How did this happen", the doctor enquired as he sewed the 15th stitch into my cock.
I replied, "I had just got out of the shower and was walking to my bedroom when I tripped on the coffee table, my<b> head </font></b>hit the window. My hands hit the wall and I managed to right myself somewhat as the window shattered. It all happened so quickly, and most of the glass fell outside, but one piece fell inside and I watched helplessly as the edge of that piece slide down my exposed cock. It was just a freak accident".
Hmmm! I guess I'll have to remember to use a lube next time.
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15417 posts 2/21/2010 10:09 pm |
OMG. You are such a hoot.
Killing myself laughing. 
For a while there, I was reading, but didn't take in that it was the Plastic (refer to blog lol) bit you were stuck in, and thought it was the metal hose bit.
That would have been fun at the hospital. 
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21966 posts 2/22/2010 3:36 am |
If there is a law against buggery, then surely that was far worse.
Consider yourslef damn lucky you got away with a few stiches and are still free to walk the planet.
Sir Teezalot
WAR IS ABSURD
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3132 posts 2/22/2010 4:52 am |
Quoting marysia4u:
OMG. You are such a hoot.
Killing myself laughing.
For a while there, I was reading, but didn't take in that it was the Plastic (refer to blog lol) bit you were stuck in, and thought it was the metal hose bit.
That would have been fun at the hospital.
Plastic or metal - It doesn't matter. Whatever it is I'm sure I'll get stuck in.
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3132 posts 2/22/2010 4:55 am |
You're probably right in that I'm beyond help. What I think I need is some healing. Some sexual healing. Yeah! Some of Marvin's gay sexual healing.
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3132 posts 2/22/2010 4:57 am |
Hahaha! I've got lots of scars Jilly. I guess you could say I've been scarred for life.
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3132 posts 2/22/2010 5:00 am |
Quoting SirTeezalot:
If there is a law against buggery, then surely that was far worse.
Consider yourslef damn lucky you got away with a few stiches and are still free to walk the planet.
Hello there most righteous round table sitting Sir. After that little episode I can tell you there was a bit of a mess to clean up. It's a good thing I had a vacuum cleaner.
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3132 posts 2/23/2010 3:55 am |
What? And I always thought of you as an empathic soul.
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3132 posts 2/24/2010 2:45 pm |
Yeah! You're not wrong. I got totally cleaned up.
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3132 posts 3/6/2010 5:47 am |
Upright vacuum cleaners, other vacuum cleaners, it doen't make much difference, they all suck. Men don't like irons either. They just never seem to work properly. You turn them on, they get hot, and then they just seem to sit there and do nothing.
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