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Assblasters anonymous  

40Deuce 43M
5638 posts
4/22/2017 8:43 am

Last Read:
4/23/2017 6:36 pm

Assblasters anonymous

I was joking around with one my gal pals the other day about a blackmail get rich quick scheme and as these things always do , the topic turned to<b> pegging . </font></b>I said that while I enjoy a little mild ass play I didn't think I could handle full-on<b> pegging </font></b>and she replied by saying since my cock is so HUGE she couldn't handle anal with me either . So jokingly we made the "my ass for your ass deal" . Now we were just joking around and having a laugh , but as always it got me thinking . That's kind of how relationships seem to work , you do something you don't like for me and I'll do something you don't like for you . Isn't there anything that both people can enjoy ? No , there is not . Not for straight couples anyway , I don't know how it works for gay folks .

There's not a ton of interracial<b> pegging </font></b>videos out there but there are some - and they're all black women with white dudes , none of white women with black dudes . So add that to your list of sexual stereotypes .

Also while we're on the topic , I don't really know what to think about my dick size - I get a lot of conflicting information there , but if it on the larger side that might explain why the few times I've tried anal sex I had some trouble threading that particular needle .

I've gotten a lot of advice on how to get ants out of my house but how do I keep the mailman from walking through my yard ? What kind of solution do I need to spray on him ? Remember that time I wrote an "erotic" blogpost and me having rough sex with my mailman ? What the hell was that about ? Sometimes it annoys me when people say my blog is "crazy" or "random" , sometimes I see their point .



I found out there's a Lingerie Fighting League , which is MMA but with lingerie . I found this out because it was in my browser history . I have NO memory of going to this website . That seems like the kind of thing I would remember . Much like the Lingerie Football League I don't know who this is for . If you like MMA you're not going to watch this because the fighting is shit and if you just want to get your rocks off you're not going to watch this either because there's better things you can watch . Are there enough people in the world sexually aroused by violence to make this a viable thing ? Or do they make money off pure novelty ? I will admit that I had a subscription to Ultimate Surrender for a while which is a nude wrestling deal but the difference is there after a couple minutes of awkward wrestling they fucked . So you know , it was just porn with a thin veneer of sporting - which isn't that what we all want ? No , because it got boring after a while .

I've said this before but there's really no paysite for me , vanilla sites are too boring and kink sites are too freaky . So now I end up on Pornhub like everyone else . I admit it Smartasswoman , you were right .

Speaking of boring and vanilla I've never been sexingist sexy sex sexer in all the sexy world but I'm "okay" when it comes to making the sweet , sweet love and that's all you need to muddle through a relationship . But for the first time ever I'm in situation where the sex I'm having with my lady friend is just lame . I don't know if it's because she's from a small town and kind of religion or what but she will only do missionary and she won't even touch my cock with her hand let alone her mouth . Honestly it's gotten to the point where I'd rather not bother . Which would be fine , sex isn't that important to me , but she's mildly horny so she wants to get it on all the time . So that's where things get tricky . She doesn't even masturbate so I can see how maybe just having someone touch her clit is kind of exciting .

I've grown to hate missionary . Half the time I can't even tell if I'm inside her or if I'm just fucking her thighs . And that might sound bad but I'M wearing a condom , I can't feel anything - why can't SHE tell ? I mean apparently my junk is MASSIVE so you'd think she'd notice if it was inside her body .

I'm thinking it may be time to pull the plug on that experiment . Not just because of that , I just don't think we're a good match . Not sure I'm a good match for anyone really .

Sidenote I have the bad habit of assuming that women that like sex are going to be into a lot of stuff . But it doesn't always work that way . My brain is pretty faulty , I make a lot of assumptions that make my life 700 times harder . As we all do I presume .

I wanted to look at more houses this week but my realtor is on vacation . I'm sure they've all sold now .

At work across the hall from me there's a dude who TALKS REALLY LOUDLY so I hear his business all the time . His analyst is a sexy lady and they have one of those work marriage type deals - they do the thing that male-female pairings do sometimes where he is mildly abusive towards her , but in a fun way , and she responds with humorous mock outrage towards him . And then presumable when they're home doing dishes or whatnot and their respective spouses are in the other room playing with their they wonder what it would be like if they ever banged . Not that they ever would , they just think about what it would be like .

Yesterday they were talking about how her vibrator stopped working and he asked "What were you doing when it stopped ?" and it wasn't in a suggestive or licentious manner , he was seriously just asking the question . And at first this seemed insane to me because there's pretty much only one thing you do with a vibrator BUT then I remembered the survibrator .



Which for those of you who don't know is the vibrator made for taking camping that also has a compass and a fishing line and a tooth brush and various other things built into it . So she could have just been brushing her teeth .

In case you were wondering it was pink . Like 70% of vibrators seem to be .

And finally , did you know that fuckstick means penis ? I didn't . I assumed it mean vibrator or dildo . That seems much more like a stick to me .


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goodatpoetry2 70M
16558 posts
4/22/2017 10:16 am

That survibrator thing would be handier if it were just a little wider.
Then they could go camping with their boyfriend's credit card with the girls.

Why is that one wrestler wearing double bra and panties?
Is that her handicap?
Weird sport...


40Deuce replies on 4/23/2017 5:16 pm:
I think the one underneath is the working bra and the other one is the show bra

smartasswoman 63F  
33613 posts
4/22/2017 11:27 am

I was right!

Have you tried ASKING her to touch your dick or to try a different sex position? I know talking about these things is anathema to you, but it might be worth a last ditch try before you break it off. On the other hand if you've asked and she's out right refused, she's not GGG and that seems like it wouldn't be fun...


40Deuce replies on 4/23/2017 5:16 pm:
Yeah , I've asked , she's not into it

KItkat1415 58F  
19995 posts
4/22/2017 11:56 am

At last, someone who wrote a post much more all-over-the-place than my last couple...
I know that you write this way most times. I'm not sure why this particular post tickled me so much, but it did.
Fuckstick is indeed an euphemism for penis and NOT for a vibrator or dildo.
I'm not sure why that because the current usage, but it is.
The most used current euphemism for vibrator seems to be B.O.B. (battery operated boyfriend) and I always laugh when I see it anywhere, here on this site, or elsewhere.
So, have a great Saturday,
kk

The observant make the best lovers,
I may not do right, but I do write,
I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life,
Kitkat
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40Deuce replies on 4/23/2017 5:17 pm:
That seems incongruous , ya know because unlike real boyfriends BOB usually get the job done

BiggLala 48F  
29057 posts
4/22/2017 12:37 pm

Soooo...pegging is frequently a topic of your conversations, eh? What the hell kind of women do you talk to, geez! I'd be seriously concerned about them. 😏

I like missionary about 60% of the time, and filter the other positions accordingly. Touching or licking cock is not included in that percentage as I think it should be a given in relationships. So, yeah, maybe you and she aren't compatible.

By the way...when you gonna make good on that 'your ass, my ass' deal. THAT is a post I can't wait to read!

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40Deuce replies on 4/23/2017 5:18 pm:
Maybe sometime this summer

tickles4us 58M
7222 posts
4/22/2017 8:09 pm

Tell your girlfriend you're tired and if she wants it she is going to have to get on and ride, maybe that will encourage her and maybe not.

Vive La Difference


tickles4us 58M
7222 posts
4/22/2017 8:11 pm

Of course she might just pull out a strap-on when you say that.

Vive La Difference


40Deuce replies on 4/23/2017 5:18 pm:
At least it would be different

wickedeasy 70F  
32410 posts
4/23/2017 1:03 pm

i'm with LaLa on the ass post......

now, if you lived a bit closer i could hook you up. I have a very nice vanilla with a few small kinks that would def touch your dick. and you still take her home to your mama. if in fact that is a concern.

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


40Deuce replies on 4/23/2017 5:18 pm:
I don't know this person but whoever she is she deserves better

superbjversion2 65F
21145 posts
4/23/2017 5:17 pm

If fuckstick = penis then does the term change depending on the size of said penis? Fuckstick sounds skinny to me. Fucklog for something thicker? Fuckstub for something short?

Sex is to Fun as Square is to Rectangle


40Deuce replies on 4/23/2017 6:36 pm:
I tell you I like the sound of fuckstub

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