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Bend over and spread your cheeks - the subtle art of erotic photography  

40Deuce 44M
5219 posts
1/8/2018 5:05 pm

Last Read:
1/9/2018 3:06 pm

Bend over and spread your cheeks - the subtle art of erotic photography

Photography is one of the many things in life that seems simple enough but gets more complicated when nudity is involved .

I don't know much about it but that won't stop me from giving you advice .

Set the stage - You're probably thinking "No one will be looking at the background when my sexy ass is on display !" but you're wrong . Here's the deal . As established only 4% of the population is good looking but what you have to keep in mind is that with the massively bloated Earth population that means there's more than 300 MILLION attractive people running around out there . And they're all uploading 12-74 pictures of themselves to the internet hourly . The point is we've seen it all - we're definitely going to notice the background . Keep that in mind . Not just in terms of tidying up but also for location . Bathroom selfies ? Car selfies ? Enough . Unless you're homeless . Then its okay . But even then I feel like you could probably find a nice outdoor location to flash your junk in an artistic manner .

Don't forget about lighting - How many times have you been watching porn and said to yourself "this would be great if it was more well lit !" Probably never but I say it all the time . Artificial lighting is not flattering . If you don't have professional lighting equipment , and you don't , natural light is the way to go . Side light is how you make the tits look good . Which also means if you're a fatman like me avoid the side light - it makes your man-teats too noticeable .

Safety first - Keep in mind that any nude pictures you take will be stolen by hackers and displayed on a variety of social media and pornographic platforms . Which is why you should be sure to always have your face in frame and clearly visible - how else are the talent scouts from NY going to find you ? If possible find an unobtrusive way to work your home address into the picture .

Sidenote DO NOT look up "nude selfie fails" because one of the results will be a lady giving a blowjob while feeding a damn baby .

I don't mean to brag but I've been going to the bathroom for a long time - more than 40 years . So I know what I'm doing . But today I was confronted with a challenger heretofore unknown ! I was at the right urinal . There was another dude on the left . Third dude comes in and is stuck with the middle - never a fun time . But this dude was WIDE . He comes up there and his hip is touching my hip . I try to sidle over but there's not a ton of room and he just expands to fill up that space . So there we all are , dicks in hand , hip to hip . That shit ain't in the bible .

I hear women (for some reason) complain about not getting to use urinals but I bet when you're taking a piss there's not someone else touching you .

And while we're on the gross subject anyway what's the deal with dudes who go hands free at the urinal ? Hands on hips is bad enough but the dudes that go arms behind head . Serious bro you are a sociopath . But what's weirdest of all is the dudes that put both hands on the wall like the cops have them in custody . Although they may just be hammered and they need the support .



I was wondering today if Lois Lane was the most famous superhero girlfriend ever and it occurred me that I don't even know if there's any other contenders . After the Superman the next most popular comic book character is the Batman and he doesn't really play the field too much . Do normal people even know that he and Catwoman have an "it's complicated" kind of relationship sometimes ?

I suppose due to the 9-15 Spider-Man Reboots people probably know about Mary Jane Watson - played by the delightful Kirsten Dunsts in reboot movie # 3 .

Bruce Banner had Betsy Ross before he became the Hulk but not so much afterwards . Hulk doesn't get a lot of action from puny human .

Wolverine ? He occasionally has a love interest introduced so they can be killed and trigger his rampage of revenge and/or be transformed into a killer cyborg but no one you'd remember . And his<b> infatuation </font></b>with Jean Grey ? Please .

Iron Man ? Slut

Captain America ? Virgin

Thor ? Who even knows with that guy ?

And finally I forgot one of my complains about profiles the other day . The word "professional" is thrown around a lot . What does that mean ? Are women trying to make sure no grody lower class people try to contact them ? Or do they mean that being a woman is somehow their job ? Or is that how you signal that you're not above a little hooking ?


Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.


40Deuce 44M
5725 posts
1/8/2018 5:06 pm

Daredevil and Elektra have a thing but they're more like fuckbuddies than an "item" really

Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.


superbjversion2 66F
23730 posts
1/8/2018 5:24 pm

I understand now! You don't perv my hnw pictures - you've been studying my excellent photography technique. Wise, very wise.

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


40Deuce replies on 1/9/2018 3:07 pm:
You know that saying "word to the wise" ? I'm the wise

Naughtypursuit 54F  
2735 posts
1/8/2018 6:23 pm

Brilliant, how did you de"deuce" my meaning of professional....


40Deuce replies on 1/9/2018 3:08 pm:
I Batmaned that shit

savagggelover 61M  
3 posts
1/8/2018 7:08 pm

You are my Idol. A golden god! The wind between my cheeks. It's brilliant! I can't believe I didn't think of this. Women always say they want a guy who makes them laugh. You just write something funny and next thing you know, you in a mfffffffffff twelvesome.


savagggelover 61M  
3 posts
1/8/2018 7:36 pm

Now I just need a camera, a mens restroom, three guys to stand at the urinals, and eleven cos play ladies in various hot super hero girlfriend costumes. Of course the restroom will need to be big enough to accommodate the pile of cos play hotties on top of me, and still leave room for you and the other two guys at the urinals in the background.


40Deuce replies on 1/9/2018 3:09 pm:
A ballpark restroom should work

smartasswoman 64F  
35232 posts
1/8/2018 7:48 pm

Photography tips duly noted for this weekend.


40Deuce replies on 1/9/2018 3:09 pm:
It's gonna be fun on a bun !

BiggLala 49F  
30139 posts
1/8/2018 10:48 pm

I think social media selfies hit an all time low when I began seeing men take selfies in port-a-potties. 😳

For me, professional means nunya business what I do, which we know is nothing.

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40Deuce replies on 1/9/2018 3:10 pm:
Nunya Inc

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