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Methodist Free since '83  

40Deuce 43M
5638 posts
5/21/2017 7:41 am

Last Read:
5/25/2017 7:18 pm

Methodist Free since '83

First a return to form - a story about grocery shopping . It's a formula but it works .

I walk in the store and they've moved the apples ! How dare they ? Now the strawberries are up front . Who needs that many strawberries ? Nobody . I guess it did work on my though because I bought some to make a strawberry pie . Now that I'm off the sugar wagon I have the desire to make sugary treats for my co-workers more than ever . Eat up you pigs !

Then as I'm going through buying my bland tasteless sludge I walk past this dude stocking (also stalking maybe) and he fucking reeked . I barely have a sense of smell you know (because my sister shot a bottle rocket up my nose when I was a lad) but I almost gagged . I'm not confident a healthy human being can emit such an odor .

And finally as I get in line to check out the old dude in front of me who I'm going to say was Lithuanian is saying to the cashier who looked to be about 12 years old that the total was too much . She goes "did I wring something up wrong" and he says "no , I just don't want to pay that much , I give you 110 dollar" and she responds "Well the price is the price there's nothing I can do about that" and he just keeps saying it too much . I was kind of surprised that she stood her ground usually cashiers especially young ones are pretty susceptible to brow-beating . Eventually the dude just walked out and left all his stuff behind .

If you were doing the casting on a road trip buddy comedy about a woman and her magical talking vibrator trying to get to the AVN awards to warn about a bomb threat who would you cast as said woman and the voice of the vibrator ?



I'm often amazed by how much of a hypocrite I am - it's uncanny . Yesterday I was berating my 4th best friend in the world saying that if you like something you should just like it and not be self-conscious about it , life is too short and all that . And then not FIVE minutes later I thought to myself "If I like assplay I hope I'm cool about it , I don't want to be one of those guys who owns a bunch of ass toys and is always haranguing their lady friends to use them" . And I didn't even realize until today what a jerk I was being . I'm the worst .

Bible verse of the day . Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

This starts off very nice but then get's kind of Animal Farmy at the end - you know we're all equal but some of us are more equal than others . I'm not one of those anti-religion fanatics but why can't you just leave it as "be nice to everyone ?" Why do we need to then add "but REALLY be nice to people who deserve it , you know the one's I mean . " WINK .

I was driving the Lesbionic Woman home after church and I asked her if she thought lesbians fakes orgasms more or less than straighties and she looked down her nose at me and asked "Is that what you were thinking about during church ?" and I says to her I says "No mostly I was thinking about<b> pegging .</font></b>"

And she hit me . If you ask me hitting someone is way worse than thinking about<b> pegging </font></b>in church . Plus god is everywhere , he's around no matter where I think about<b> pegging </font></b>right ? So what's the big deal ? I know that thinking about something is as big as sin as actually doing it but what's so sinful about<b> pegging </font></b>? I mean aside from the general sinfulness of sex .

Her church is funny to me because their sign out front often says "Methodist Free" which is their demonization but it always makes me think they're bragging about how they don't let Methodists in . Why don't they change it to Free Methodist ? Why ?

Speaking of thought crimes I watched 'Thought Crimes: The Case of the Cannibal Cop’ documentary last night . I've talked about this before but to recap this cop was putting online all kinds of stuff about how he was going to kidnap and eviscerate women and do other stuff to them . His wife found out about this and blabbed and he was arrested and convicted of conspiracy to do that stuff , his conviction was overturned on appeal and now the prosecutors are trying to appeal that appeal .

The whole thing comes down to what is the difference between fantasizing about something and planning to do it ? Where is the line between sadistic fantasizing and imminent crime ? There was some free speech stuff mixed in there too . It was pretty good but like a lot of docs produced for mass consumption I felt like it lacked focus and included some stuff purely for entertainment value . I suppose that's what people want though .

I was bullied as a and I would sometimes fantasize about revenge - if I had written these plans out with sketches would that have made it illegal ?

And legality aside if someone who fantasizes about doing messed up shit and all they ever do is think about it - is that okay ?



I don't know man , but what I do know is here's another great butt themed album cover .

You're right The Strokes this IS it


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40Deuce 43M
5727 posts
5/21/2017 7:44 am

I'm going to say Nikki Glaser as the woman and Kyle Kinane as the voice of the vibrator

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smartasswoman 63F  
33613 posts
5/21/2017 7:55 am

Best typo ever - calling Methodist Free a "demonization". If I didn't know better I would almost think you composed this on your phone - seems like a classic autocorrect.


40Deuce replies on 5/22/2017 5:24 pm:
My hands have been auto-correcting my brain for decades and I stopped proof-reading this blog a long time ago

goodatpoetry2 70M
16558 posts
5/21/2017 8:57 am

The woman should be Kristen Schaal and the vibrator's voice should be Christopher Walken.
Obviously, I've thought about this before.

" Why don't they change it to Free Methodist ? "
That sounds like a BOGO offer.

" I felt like it lacked focus and included some stuff purely for entertainment value . "
I hate when they do that! . I like to use documentaries as sleep aids.


40Deuce replies on 5/22/2017 5:24 pm:
That's not a bad duo

Red_Elf 47F  
617 posts
5/21/2017 9:10 am

Nothing wrong with thinking about pegging in church. Hell, a much earlier blog story online is about a guy who took Viagra just before he left for church and the hard outcomes...

MOST of the time I'm well behaved...but if you weren't, and, enjoyed having your ass handed to you, visit my blog and become a subscriber. There you can read all about how I am actively authoring, and rewriting, my life .

Trying to get a bigger audience? Here's my .02 Content What Content 8 Things To Consider Towards Better Content {=}


40Deuce replies on 5/22/2017 5:25 pm:
That seems like odd timing , unless he normal has some post-church sex

wickedeasy 70F  
32410 posts
5/21/2017 2:19 pm

Dame Judy Dench, with Maggie Smith as the vibrator

guaranteed box office so to speak

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


40Deuce replies on 5/22/2017 5:25 pm:
A female voice for the vibrator ? Outrageous !

Red_Elf 47F  
617 posts
5/22/2017 6:06 pm

I believe he was doing it "for science."



MOST of the time I'm well behaved...but if you weren't, and, enjoyed having your ass handed to you, visit my blog and become a subscriber. There you can read all about how I am actively authoring, and rewriting, my life .

Trying to get a bigger audience? Here's my .02 Content What Content 8 Things To Consider Towards Better Content {=}


tickles4us 58M
7222 posts
5/25/2017 8:42 am

The thought police have become a problem issue haven't they? Though it could be said when someone starts to take action as in writing out plans it is getting serious but I would rather say it doesn't get serious until they start getting the supplies or doing things that are according to the plan but we all know that time is critical in these cases. I would rather see someone getting mental health services then being convicted for taking things to the planning stage.

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