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Blogs > _Typer_ > The underestimated penis

Ten things my penis can't tell you...  

_Typer_ 47M
0 posts
2/22/2010 11:31 pm
Ten things my penis can't tell you...

This was a good submission from my other blog, so I've reposted it here. It'll give me a chance to tell you other things my penis thinks as that part of me ponders them.

1: Generally speaking, your guy friends want to fuck you. I'm sure there are guys who have legit lady friends they actually like to hang with, but most of us are really looking for a way to get out of your friend zone so we can score.

2: Sometimes<b> head </font></b>is better than pussy. There are lots of pros to oral, and lots of cons to the vag. Like sometimes your mouth is bigger, so I don't get bent or folded and it's easy in. What's not to like about that? Head is way better than trying to stuff a cell phone into a dime-sized hole.

3: Don't be a one trick pony. Even if we're not freaks, eventually I'm gonna want to do it some other way than you on your back with me pumping away on top.

4: Stay focused. I'm all for having a good laugh, but I'm not effective when your mind wanders. Work with me here!

5: Penis says look at your boobs. And not just your boobs, but pretty much all boobs most of the time. But yeah, don't cop a 'tude about it, it's not something we have any real say about. It's how we're programmed.

6: It's not all sex all the time. Just most of the time. So take your thoughts about shoe sales or soap operas or whatever it is that occupies your considerations and replace them with wanting to fuck and you'll just scratch the surface of penile understanding. But at least it's not 100%.

7: We listen differently. Not really penis focused, but worth noting. Don't talk at us, don't talk around us, don't be in the vacinity and make suggestions. Actually get our attention and keep it. Otherwise that shit you spewed went nowhere - regardless of how I made it seem at the time.

8: Penis wants to fuck your friends. And your sister, maybe your mom, possibly your friends' moms or sisters... But also strangers too. We can be trusted, sure, but know that we're always gonna think about it.

9: We don't think about you when we jack off. Why would we do that? Been there, done it, you know? The only time we'd even want to is before we actually ball you. Afterwards, the imagination has been replaced by factual material and the fantasy sex appeal is gone. That doesn't mean we want to fuck you less, we just don't want to think about you when you're not around. Unless you have hot friends. Then maybe you'll make guest appearances.

10: It's never innocent. Did we want to see your tattoo? No, we wanted to get you to remove an article of clothing. We don't care about tan lines, we care about the whole package. I didn't accidentally slide my hand under your shirt for whatever dumb reason I said, I sent in a search party. I didn't accidentally graze your boob or your ass, I purposefully grazed your boob or ass. Wise up!

_Typer_ 47M

2/22/2010 11:41 pm

 Not every penis wants anal! Some penises are too large to stuff into a tiny crampt space. Even with accessories and patience and proper instructions, for some guys it'll never be worth doing. If we can't find a better hole to use, let's find something else to try altogether. There are better ways!


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