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Personal Dilemma, do I settle?  

cyclingfool 62M  
470 posts
8/4/2021 7:17 am

Last Read:
2/7/2022 5:03 am

Personal Dilemma, do I settle?


Ok, so I finally found a truly kind person with similar interest as me, similar life values, hard working, independent, pretty, even sexy in many way, and we share mutual friends. and she's a great cook and send me home with care packages all the time. She even buys me beer sometimes.

Our families blend well too. Many things in life folks hope for are here in our relationship.

The problem is, she's boring in bed. She love sex, but just<b> straight </font></b>forward, good old fashion missionary sex. And I do 95% of all the work/effort.

I'm not sure I can handle our intimate relationship just being very boring sex?

She love when I give her oral, but doesn't return the favor unless I politely kinda force the issue, and then it is a bit awkward and she doesn't let me cum in her mouth and will surely never swallow. She loves when I finger her and use toys on her, but when she gives me a hand job she's very awkward and it is like work to her, not pleasure. I find pleasure in pleasing my partner in many ways.

She is learning to enjoy being rimmed, but I am sure she'll never go there with me, she won't even massage my ass because I think she's afraid I'll want her to finger or use toys on me. And I know she doesn't want to receive actual anal sex. I'm okay with that. It's not for everyone. But she does gives great neck and should massages. With that said, I want her to give my ass some playful romantic attention in the worst way. She does loves when I rub her butt and playfully spank her.

So what do I do? I'm hope for a chance to grow together. It doesn't have to be all at once. Heck the journey can be a big part of the fun, but she doesn't give any indication that she's willing to explore.

Am I an asshole for finding such a great person and wanting more? I have been very honest with her about my mild perversions.

Thank you for giving me this opportunity to open up about my frustrations a bit.

cyclingfool 62M  
6666 posts
9/1/2021 8:20 am

I've given all this a lot of thought and had meaningful conversations with my g/f. It is surely worth the effort to work on this and see where things go. I know there are no guarantees, but she's a beautiful, fun, loving and strong person. I am a luck man to have this relationship and opportunity. She deserves my best and faithful effort.


cyclingfool 62M  
6666 posts
8/5/2021 6:58 am

    Quoting PonyGirl1965:
    I would have a very frank discussion with her. Ask her if she enjoys lovemaking. What she might want to explore. Ask if she wants to learn new sexual activities. Let her know how much it turns you on to have her touch in the various ways. How erotic it is for her to masturbate. Treat her like a virgin and see if she has any interest in becoming more sexually awakened.
I will have discussions with her, but not to put her on the spot, hopefully ones we can grow with. I have tried to point out the pleasure of self play and that it can help her to enjoy life overall more, but I also don't want to scare her away as being to dominant or demanding. That is not my way or intent.


cyclingfool 62M  
6666 posts
8/5/2021 6:55 am

    Quoting jajo696:
    Count your Blessings, there are far more positive things that you mentioned. The question is how much do you value the physical relationship, u must answer that for yourself. Think of this scenario....you find someone whom is just what you want in bed...but lacking most other things....you go for it....and then something perhaps physical happens and she no longer is your tigress in bed. What are you left with.

    At our age, finding someone who checks off many of our boxes is a gift.

    A certain population /age group of females were socialized that sex is only for procreation, not pleasure. She may have to unlearn some of that. Only you and she know if she is willing to do so.

    To me....it doesnt say you re an asshole....just smacks of shallowness by placing more value on something physical and not realizing that the inner qualities endure, speak to ones soul and is the basis for intimacy. ~
I agree with you and I respect your thoughts. That is why I took a chance and posted this. I wanted honest response's. Many great values and yes I've thought about what would be lost if I just was looking for the sexual stuff and not the life stuff. It's a balance that is weighted towards overall quality of the relationship and life.


cyclingfool 62M  
6666 posts
8/5/2021 6:53 am

    Quoting flannel_light:
    You need to sit down and talk to her about everything. She might have it set in her head good girls don't do that and it's the case it will take some time . Good luck
Yes, I will talk with her. Baby steps and only as far as she wants to travel. She's a great person and I hope we can continue to build a trusted and fulfilling relationship.


PonyGirl1965 58F
22090 posts
8/4/2021 11:57 pm

I would have a very frank discussion with her. Ask her if she enjoys lovemaking. What she might want to explore. Ask if she wants to learn new sexual activities. Let her know how much it turns you on to have her touch in the various ways. How erotic it is for her to masturbate. Treat her like a virgin and see if she has any interest in becoming more sexually awakened.


jajo696 113F
4287 posts
8/4/2021 10:50 pm

Count your Blessings, there are far more positive things that you mentioned. The question is how much do you value the physical relationship, u must answer that for yourself. Think of this scenario....you find someone whom is just what you want in bed...but lacking most other things....you go for it....and then something perhaps physical happens and she no longer is your tigress in bed. What are you left with.

At our age, finding someone who checks off many of our boxes is a gift.

A certain population /age group of females were socialized that sex is only for procreation, not pleasure. She may have to unlearn some of that. Only you and she know if she is willing to do so.

To me....it doesnt say you re an asshole....just smacks of shallowness by placing more value on something physical and not realizing that the inner qualities endure, speak to ones soul and is the basis for intimacy. ~


flannel_light 61F
4586 posts
8/4/2021 11:45 am

You need to sit down and talk to her about everything. She might have it set in her head good girls don't do that and it's the case it will take some time . Good luck

The Light is shinning and she is lonely and waiting in the darkness.


cyclingfool 62M  
6666 posts
8/4/2021 10:57 am

    Quoting superbjversion2:
    It sounds to me like inexperience and insecurity. Have you talked with her about her past experiences? If she's the same age as you are then she probably has a 'good girls don't do that' mind set. I'd give it some time.
I think you nailed it. She wont touch herself and is even a bit hesitant when I kiss her after I've been down on her. Yes we've light heartedly talked about it, and I've share a few fun things from tumbler with her to spur her thoughts, but she is very hesitant. She claims to have never masturbated, because that isn't something good Catholic girls do. She's a couple years younger than me, but same age range.


superbjversion2 68F  
24388 posts
8/4/2021 10:42 am

It sounds to me like inexperience and insecurity. Have you talked with her about her past experiences? If she's the same age as you are then she probably has a 'good girls don't do that' mind set. I'd give it some time.

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


cyclingfool 62M  
6666 posts
8/4/2021 10:35 am

    Quoting positively4you:
    We all settle at times with some things in life. Pick your priorities. I will not swallow or go near a butthole, mine or his. Its my no negotiation and if it is a problem with my lover then we can end it. My comfort is just as important as his. Sexual compatibility is important. Intimacy does go beyond the bedroom.
I understand, and I would neve expect someone to do something that is a no or a hard no for them. I guess we need to have an open and honest discussion with full respect of each other regardless of the outcome.


cyclingfool 62M  
6666 posts
8/4/2021 10:32 am

    Quoting  :

That is my concern also.

Thank you for your thoughts.


positively4you 74F  
4605 posts
8/4/2021 10:13 am

We all settle at times with some things in life. Pick your priorities. I will not swallow or go near a butthole, mine or his. Its my no negotiation and if it is a problem with my lover then we can end it. My comfort is just as important as his. Sexual compatibility is important. Intimacy does go beyond the bedroom.


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