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Blogs > OneStrangeBeast > The Beast Burrow

Jungle Fever - Edition  

OneStrangeBeast 52M  
2040 posts
6/7/2013 5:46 am

Last Read:
7/1/2013 11:32 am
Jungle Fever - Edition

Sorry, minions. This post isn't about what you probably thought it was about, but stick around anyway. You still may find it interesting.

So I've been giving some thought to Tarzan lately, and applying a bit of scientific rigor to the Lord of the Jungle.
I've come to the conclusion that his chosen method of transportation, chiefly being the swinging from one vine to another, wouldn't have worked for shit.
As a youth, I used to go down to the river and visit The Rope with my buddies. There were other ropes in different locations, but the one on the Manistee River was "THE Rope". It was a very long rope, attached to a very high limb on a tree overhanging a particulary deep portion of the river.
We would grab the rope and then try to scramble as high up the riverbank with it as possible in order to get the most impressive swing during our turn.
Tarzan is always seen swinging mightily through the trees, transferring himself from one vine to the next in a constant direction. (Apparently whoever he was chasing or wherever he was going never changed direction)
This would have actually gotten Tarzan nowhere fast. He could have grabbed the initial vine, and perhaps carried it up into some higher branches in order to generate his initial momentum. Upon reaching any second vine, however, he would have more or less come to a stop, that second vine more than likely hanging vertical, and offering nothing in the way of continuing his forward mobility.
Tarzan would have simply bellowed out his trademarked AaaahaaahAaahhhAhhhhAhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa, swung about 20 feet, grabbed the second vine, and hung there...... looking stupid.
I'm sure after being mocked for not understanding some basic physics by the gorillas, Tarzan would have stuck to running wherever he needed to go.

BEAST OUT

partygald 41F
1963 posts
6/7/2013 6:04 am

 Hahaha..but then again, cartoons don't make sense. Therein lies that beauty of it. So going by cartoon logic, he probably wouldn't have smelled, and always looked clean, and sharp. He would've been a fun fuck. Heheh


OneStrangeBeast replies on 6/7/2013 6:36 am:
Tarzan wasn't created in cartoon form. He was literature.
I'm sure he wouldn't have smelled any worse (probably better actually)than any American cowboy riding the range for weeks on end without a bath back in the day, and women still fucked them.
Tarzan was actually portrayed as bathing in jungle pools quite often, and he probably knew all the best plants for making homemade deodorant.

spiderj72 51M
7898 posts
6/7/2013 7:31 am

 yeah tarzan i cant get behind. now get your mind to work on the old seventies spiderman cartoon. that is the one i want deciphered.


OneStrangeBeast replies on 6/7/2013 7:45 am:
You'll have to be a bit more specific on which aspect you want figured out.

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