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| Blogs > somega13 > My Blog |
My interests, how they molded me
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My interests, how they molded me My interests, that is an interesting tale. I have dabbled a little in the way things have come about but to focus on them is another story. To stay that growing up was hard enough being the younger of the middle boys in my family with no girls is an understatement. I was picked on by both my older brothers and my younger after he figured out how to get away with it. My other brothers would convince me of things that were not true and I would end up almost poisoning myself or injury myself in minor ways but still. My younger brother would plan out his picking by sneaking up behind me and smack me in the head and after I would chase him, he would run to my father who would accuse me of picking on my brother and not the other way around. This is where I got my sense of fairness due to seeing how unfair it was in my family for me to be picked on by everyone. I have heard people calling for fairness and may not know that they weren’t calling for it but calling for special treatment. I believe that everyone should be on even ground to see everything the same way but that is never possible since our views can be eschewed by different variables that it will never be the same. That is why I have figured out that I was chasing something that was never possible, being normal. Normal is an abstract concept that is different for each person who is looking for it. We huddle together with others who share our view of normal to create the public norm or what everyone feels is acceptable as the public norm. With that being said I saw things very different from my brothers. Each had a different life with one who had a series of abusive girlfriends. Another experimented with many drugs only admitting after that it was due to an abuse at the hands of someone trusting, and the last was such a liar about how he was he would show everyone else that he was a goodie two shoes while behind scenes he would be as bad as everyone else. My grandparents were off the boat from Poland before WWII and so they didn’t understand all the stuff that we were. That gave us a weird situation because they would bully my older brothers due to long hair and earrings. They ask questions like are you going out with your<b> boyfriends </font></b>later and other hurtful things. Now for me, my metabolism slowed down as a so I gained weight. They would tell the family to eat up but then when I did my grandmother would say I didn’t need any more because I was fat. Clearly my youngest brother was the golden in the family and it didn’t help that my comprehension in school started slipping. I became more and more naive and gullible which with how the family was cause further complications. I ended up going from a private school to a public school due to my learning differently. I found that this was actually a better pace for me and learned a lot. Even started to enjoy writing things and creating worlds inside my own head and spilling them out on the page. When I went through school everything seemed to play out like I saw with my brothers before me. That was until my senior year. I had been going through school with a concentration on going into a trade due to a talk with the guidance counselor who didn’t sugar coat anything. Come to find out that the guidance counselor lied to me and told my parents I could go to college but then didn’t have the heart to tell me that they could not afford it so they let the counselor talk me into other avenues. I went through two years of carpentry classes and eventually got a job while still in school. I was working as an apprentice at a woodworking company. I graduated and took up the job full time and started working there which was a good hour commute. While I walked from the bus station to the store I would pass by a newspaper stand in a store. One day while needing to stop off for a soda and cigarettes, which at the time was a constant. As I walked through the store I found out that they also carried magazines. I saw the traditional magazines first and then the others further back, I purchase my first hardcore magazine there and several more as the time went on. As my interest grew so did my source with more magazines purchased. I ended up getting more and actually not all were for the pictures as most men would deny, I got them for articles about crossdressers and the many stories. I was learning more about this and then internet came into play. Being slow at the time didn’t matter for me since I could find different things. I would try every time no one was home to give me a chance to be online. As I got better with the internet and heard new terms I could search I would find new sites to go and see more. I ended up befriending several transgender people in CA. They felt they changed my perception of transgenders but what they didn’t know was my perceptions was different to begin with and all it did was confuse me more. I ended up trying to live a life I thought was normal and being told I would never because no one is normal. Over the time that the internet was getting faster I was finding different things that helped me to better understand who I was becoming and gave me more insight into a lot of other things. I tried my best to stayed close to the transgender community even though they didn’t want me based on the way they treated me. I have been called many rude names by so many people, most too bad to say here but I still continue moving on to find the one who I feel I can love and can love me. I thought many times that I found the one only to see it end with me moving on to find them. Next what I found on the internet that modified my interests. |
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