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Infidelity  

Gracekinzz2 50F
166 posts
5/10/2014 6:43 pm
Infidelity


Looking at the tittle makes me think do I have the right to write and talks about it.

I stayed till about 3am today listening and chatting with my best friend regarding infidelity and cheating. She is contemplating to divorce her husband not because of her husband infidelity but its because of the sister-in-law infidelity. Her reason is that she did not like to attend the family gathering with the sister-in-law is presence with her partner and she can't have so called "CHEATER" around her . She also presume her husband will do the same to her too. They both will have a big argument when they need to go for any family function because of this.

I m trying to convince her to appreciate what she have at this moment and don't presume things will happen as this will have a negative impact on her marriage.

She will always said why I don't take her side as I always said there are two side of the story why things happen. I told her I don't take side because I m looking at the whole issues at different perspective than hers. I guess this argument I have with hers on this will not end even though its been going on for a few years and we avoided talks about this issues whenever we chat or meet up.

I starts to think maybe divorce will be good for her and she will be a happier person but I also feel that its not fair to her husband as he is working very hard to save this marriage.

At the end of my chat with her, I told her, have positive thinking and don't let irrelevant presuming destroy what she have built with her hubby through out the many years together. And I believe my chat with her failed as she still convince that divorce is the best solution.

rm_abba2121 60M
5 posts
5/10/2014 7:16 pm

On the face of it, looks like your friend has been looking justifications to leave her husband. She is already unhappy in the marriage and is just looking for a way out. The reason to leave the husband because of a another party shortcoming seems flimsy.


doofus74185 42M
46 posts
5/10/2014 7:32 pm

hmmmm problem with divorce it makes people think its the solution to all unhappy marriages


FunPleasurable 60M
3997 posts
5/11/2014 10:07 am

A woman has her own intuitions. It is a give from God to have such sixth sense. Therefore it is God who reveals to her that she should divorce. Such is the gift bestowed for happiness to all mankind.

Generally thinking, I think God is the problem. He created a bunch of children and then left them on their own with just one stupid instruction. "Don't eat the fruit of knowledge"

And then he disappears.

If social service has their say, He will be separated from His children because of delinquency.

So, go ahead, tell her to divorce.
And then be happy.

Fun and Pleasure in Sunny Side Singapore. Come visit my blog and let's chat and explore.


FunPleasurable 60M
3997 posts
5/11/2014 4:24 pm

PS: as a going away present, get her this book.
Sometimes a third party advisor is far better than a good friends advise.

"The Secrets to Surviving Infidelity" - John Holtzman M.D.

The following is a cut and paste review by others. Not by me.

Along with changes in the workplace and the explosive growth of electronic communications, there has been a skyrocketing rate of infidelity. Today, up to forty percent of American marriages endure the pain of a cheating partner. The media is filled with stories of married politicians finding their "soul mates" and titillating instances of unfaithful celebrities. But in the homes of ordinary people everywhere, infidelity triggers complex emotions and events that affect everyone involved. Many marriage and personal therapists have adopted a "me first" mentality, prompting hurt spouses to end their relationships. Psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, retired Brown University professor, recommends exactly the opposite. The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity teaches both the victim and the perpetrator of infidelity how to acknowledge their feelings, reduce their sense of despair, and begin the difficult task of rebuilding a strong relationship.

People who cheat act much like those who have other addictions, and brain scans of love-struck individuals show a dramatic increase in the release of dopamine, the same brain neurochemical associated with cocaine abuse. Haltzman does not excuse infidelity by labeling it a sex addiction; it’s not orgasm that drives a partner to cheat. Instead, Haltzman coins the term "flame addiction" to describe how, like a moth drawn to the light, people feel compelled to have extramarital intimacy despite all the negative consequences.

People who have been cheated on feel shame, rage, and injured self-esteem. Many of them fear abandonment and find it hard to cope. When both partners have made a commitment to move forward together, however, Dr. Haltzman validates each person's feelings and puts them into perspective, offering sound advice on how to recover their equilibrium and reestablish a committed, trust-filled relationship.

Review
Rebuilding trust after an affair is not easy and requires a special kind of support and clear guidance. Scott Haltzman can show you the way. Taking the time to read this book will change your life.

(John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)

This isn’t just a supremely helpful book on understanding—and recovering from—infidelity. It’s a great book on marriage. The honest, warmhearted, and wise insight Scott Haltzman provides here can bring you hope and much more—a path forward. This is the book you are looking for right now.

(Scott Stanley, Ph.D., author of The Power of Commitment)

Anyone who has, or is in the profession of helping those who have, or who just wants to know everything about, affairs will benefit from reading this book, and should read it. It is the most comprehensive book on the topic I have seen. I highly recommend it.

(Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples)

This book provides a wonderfully comprehensive look at all aspects of affairs, including both sophisticated concepts and down-to-earth practical action steps. It is ‘must reading’ for anyone who wants to survive affairs—or just to improve their marriage.

(Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth)

Scott Haltzman has done it again—given us a wise, compassionate, and practical guide to the perils and joys of married life. Here he takes on the most shameful and agonizing experience people go through in relationships in a book that helps both the person cheated on and the person who had the affair. Anyone who has gone through this turbulent experience should read it.

(William J. Doherty, Ph.D., professor and director, Minnesota Couples on the Brink Project at the University of Minnesota, and author of Take Back Your Marriage)

Scott Haltzman gets down to what’s needed: the nitty-gritty details of how to define infidelity, how to end it, and how to recover. The book is so good that it’s also a great how-to-avoid-it manual that all married folks should read long before infidelity is even on the horizon.

(Diane Sollee, M.S.W., founder and director, SmartMarriages.com)

In this digital age, more and more couples are finding out where their boundaries are—once they have been crossed. Whether it’s friending an old flame on Facebook, sexting someone on Twitter, or flirting online through Skype, many spouses and partners are blindsided and forced to deal with an emotional, online, or real-time affair. Thankfully, The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity is here. It’s a step-by-step survival guide to help your relationship deal with, survive, and overcome the pain of infidelity. If there is ‘one last thing’ you’re willing to do to try to save your relationship from an affair, it should be to read this book!

(K. Jason and Kelli Krafsky, coauthors of Facebook and Your Marriage)

With the infidelity epidemic, every couple needs a survival guide and Scott Haltzman is just the professional to provide it! This common crisis can literally make or break a marriage. Most of those who go on to better relationships do so with expert help. This book is a ‘must’ for the modern marriage.

(Patricia Love, Ed.D., author of The Truth about Love)

For anyone who has felt the pain of infidelity, this compassionate and encouraging book is definitely for you. Based on years of clinical experience and research, Scott Haltzman’s step-by- step plan will help you recognize, understand, and then take control of your relationship and your life. One thing is clear—whether you’ve had an affair or are contemplating one, or you’ve had a partner who strayed—the knowledge you’ll gain from reading this book is invaluable.

(Terri Orbuch Ph.D., relationship expert and author of Finding Love Again: Six Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship)

As a pro-marriage therapist who works with couples dealing with affairs on a regular basis, I am so pleased to have Scott Haltzman’s book available. Couples going through this situation are overwhelmed, confused, and often feel like they are drowning. He has done a wonderful job of explaining in an easy-to-comprehend way all the different types of affairs as well as tools to deal with them. This volume is a wonderful roadmap to assist couples navigating their way back to trust and connection. It’s also a great addition to complement therapists doing this type of work.

(Karen H. Sherman, Ph.D., author of Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life)

The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity is a very important contribution to this topic. Scott Haltzman is a respected psychiatrist and marriage therapist who has a practical approach to healing from affairs. His book takes a clear stance about avoiding affairs.

(Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., author of Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages)

Scott Haltzman’s excellent book blends clinical and true-to-life descriptions of the who, what and why of infidelity with profound and personal counsel indispensable for healing the wounds of betrayal. The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity is more than a superb book—it will become your own personal, dynamic counselor navigating you through the pain and confusion of infidelity.

Fun and Pleasure in Sunny Side Singapore. Come visit my blog and let's chat and explore.


Gracekinzz2 replies on 5/14/2014 10:28 am:
Thanks for the recommendation.

connermcloud66 58M
20 posts
5/14/2014 6:54 am

Sorry, but your friend is a prize ass......it makes absolutely no sense for her to leave because her hubby's sister had an affair.

She ought just mind her own business.....

Now if she wants to leave her marriage, that's cool , but don't pin it on the hubby sister......

I would love to be a fly on the wall when she explains to the next bloke that she left because her ex husbands sister had an affair ---- presumably with someone who is a complete stranger to her.......effing classic.


Gracekinzz2 replies on 5/14/2014 10:30 am:
I gave up trying to talk to her.

shadylover4u 50M
589 posts
7/1/2014 8:11 am

ikinda went thru looking at all the Male responders and glanced at what they are say...and I must agree to some extent...she is using this as an excuse to leave....or deeper perhaps she too cheated and feels the guilt seeing another cheater?


LQQK7979 M
441 posts
7/26/2014 6:59 pm

Amazing.....you live long enough and think you have heard it all....then a story like this comes along.

Hilarious


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