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“Jamaician Vacation Gone Horribly Wrong”  

backpocket13 50M
1516 posts
3/27/2019 12:17 pm
“Jamaician Vacation Gone Horribly Wrong”



-|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- WELCOME TO THE SINNERS CLUB -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|-

“And if you ever wonder why you ride this carousel.
You did it for the stories you could tell.”

~ Tom Petty ~ “The Stories We Could Tell.”

..........“I’m thinking of taking some time to wander.” Jawbreaker tells me as he passes me the pipe. I take a big hit, holding the smoke for a moment or two before exhailing a huge cumulus cloud towards the ceiling.
“Where to this time?” I ask. “Certainly not back down to Old Mexico again, they promised to cut your balls off if they ever caught you in their country again.”
“Don’t remind me.” Jawbreaker states. “Those people have No sense of humor, that’s the problem.”
“You stole $300,000 from one of Mexico’s biggest Drug Cartels.”
“Oh C’mon now, with all of the money they make, who would ever miss a few hundred thousand?”
“Drug Dealers.”
“Yeah.” He admits. “Drug Dealers.”
“So what’s your plan?” I ask. “You’re fucking lucky they haven’t sent someone after you yet?”
“Who says they haven’t?”
“Sweet Lucifer’s Halo, please don’t tell me any of the details!”
“I was thinking of taking some of that cash and heading to some , sandy, island in the Caribbean for a spell.”
“You might as well just go back down to Mexico then.” I tell him.
“Mexico isn’t an island though.”
“No, it’s not, but it does have many extensive tropical beach resort areas.”
“Besides the fact that I’m not Welcome there anymore, Mexico’s always been the Asshole of the World!”
“Well, That certainly explains why you lived there for so long!”
“Fuck yourself.”
“All I’m saying is that Mexico hasn’t always been “The Wild West”. I tell him. “Don’t you remember “The Love Boat”?”
“The Love Boat” as in that shitty TV show with Issac and fuckin’ Gopher, along with all of those other lame ass fucks?” Jawbreaker asks. “Is that “The Love Boat” That you mean?”
“The very same.” I reply. “Why, do you know of another?”
“No.” He answers. “Wasn’t One enough? That show sucked Big Time!”
“True.” I add. “I was always more of a “Fantasy Island” type guy. Still in all, Issac was the fucking Man though!” I tell him. “That’s not what I’m getting at however.”
“So what the fuck are You getting at?” Jawbreaker demands.
“Well, every week “The Love Boat” would sail on down to beautiful Puerto Vallarta.”
“So?”
“So, Puerto Vallarta is in Mexico.”
“And.”
“The point that I’m trying to illustrate is that Mexico wasn’t always a war zone.”
“Fuck Mexico, although I will admit that I do miss it sometimes.”
“Well, they certainly Don’t miss you ya fuckin’ nut.”
“Oh, like you’re any better!”
“Hey, sure I’ve been thrown of a million and one places for being completely of control, but never was I exiled from an entire country!” I state.
“Well, I was thinking more along the line of Jamaica.”
“Jamaica, Queens?”
“Very fucking funny asshole.”
“You’d be a lot safer there.”
“How would you even know?” Jawbreaker asks. “Have you ever been to Jamaica before?”
“No”. I add. “I’ve never been to a leper’s colony either, but I don’t need to visit one to know that it’s probably not a good idea.”
“Yeah, but I’m talking about a walled in complex, you can’t even get in unless you’re a guest or an employee.”
“Yeah, and I’m sure that they hire the very cream of the crop, do you remember “Mickey the Fish”?
“Mickey’s a hard one to forget.” Jawbreaker admits. “Remember that time that he put that big fat cigar out in that guy’s eye because he called “The Fish” a punk fuck?”
“I was there, remember?” I state.
“Now that’s the kind of thing that once you see it, it’s burned into your psyche forever!” Jawbreaker states.
“Yeah, that’s No shit.” I agree. “Anyway, a bunch of years ago Mickey and his girlfriend vacationed in Jamaica, and it didn’t turn out so well.”
“What happened?” Jawbreaker asks. “Did a bunch of hopped up Rastas try and mug Mickey and his girlfriend or something?”
“Or Something.” I agree. “I guess that you can put it that way, yeah.” I admit. “The robbed him alright, just not in the way that you’re thinking, they didn’t just run up to him and stick a gun in his face.”
“So, What’d they do exactly?”
“Well, they robbed the room while Mick and his girlfriend were watching waterfalls for the day, or some such other good shit.” I tell him. “The robbers came in through the bathroom window like in that old Beatles song, they took all of the cash, the cards, the jewelry, as well as the travelers checks. The only thing they didn’t take were the cheap disposable cameras, probably because they’re worth next to nothing. Then they dumped all of the suitcases onto the floor rummaged through them for anything that they might have missed, before pissing on the pile of clothes before they left.”
“Fucking Savages!”
“Yeah.” I agree with Jawbreaker. “Unfortunately nothing can really be done about it, the local authorities were called, and although none of them spoke English well, a report was filed, if only to placate the unhappy couple.” Adding, “If I remember correctly they made enough Bad Noise that they got their whole stay free before all was said and done.”
“Yeah Man, I would’ve done the same.
“Needless to say, Mickey doesn’t have any trouble getting his hands on some extra cash, so he’s determined not to let this one incident ruin the whole vacation.”
“Smart.” Agrees Jawbreaker.
“So, the rest of the trip goes off without a hitch. They both have such a great time that the whole robbery is almost forgotten.”
“Almost?” Jawbreaker asks.
“Yeah well, Mickey and his girlfriend are home a couple days before his girlfriend decides to go take the film to be developed at the local photo hut.
“So.” Jawbreaker says, losing interest in the subject.
“So, a few days later she goes back to pick up the vacation pictures, she gets all the way home, parks her ass on the couch and begins to flip through the photographs.” I tell Jawbreaker. “About halfway through the stack she starts screaming, Mickey, upstairs sleeping off brunch races down stairs to see what the hell is wrong.”
“What the fuck happened?”
“It turns out that the Rastas who initially robbed them seemed to have a slightly bent sense of humor.” I tell Jawbreaker. “They left Mick and his girlfriend with a little momento of their Violation.”
“You mean Vacation.”
“I meant exactly what I said.” I tell Jawbreaker.
“What the fuck did they do?”
“Well, it turns out that in the middle of the pile of pictures there were a couple pictures with the two Rastas Asses in them.”
“Ahahahahahah!” Jawbreaker cackles in that insane laugh of his.
“Stuck in the two asses were Mickey and his girlfriends toothbrushes, business end first.”
“Awwwwww, Jesus Christ Man!” Jawbreaker states disgustedly. “That’s just plain Fucked Up!”
“Yeah, ya think?”
“Goddamn Fucking Savages!” Jawbreaker says seemingly convinced.
“That’s my entire point.” I declare. “The World is devolving into chaos more and more everyday. It’s getting hazardous to your health to even leave this country anymore!
“So where the fuck am I supposed to go?” He asks exasperated. “The Grand Fuckin’ Canyon?”
“I don’t know.” I tell him. “Although the Grand Canyon is really pretty this time of year.”
“Fuck that.” Jawbreaker tells me. “I want beaches!”
“Go to Florida or better yet California.”

..........Needless to say Jawbreaker departed sometime during the middle of the night, when I awoke this morning both him and Atilla were gone without a trace. That’s not entirely strange though, Lucifer knows he’s dissapeared before, its just that every time he goes I’m never sure if it’s for good or not. Ah well, in all truth, Jawbreaker is like a bad penny, He always turns Up! Only time will tell on that one.

Sinfully Yours backpocket
President; The Sinners Club

-|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- I’M THE ONLY HELL THAT MY MOMMA EVER RAISED -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|- -|-

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smartasswoman 66F  
35813 posts
3/30/2019 2:33 am

I’ve heard that toothbrush story before. I think it’s time for a visit to Snopes!


backpocket13 replies on 3/31/2019 10:41 am:
Hey Smarty,
.........Maybe it’s common practice down there!.........
Sinfully Yours backpocket13

Tmptrzz 61F  
107039 posts
3/27/2019 1:31 pm

Wow that's some conversation you had there. I hope you get to go to the Islands sometime perhaps the Virgin ones, I hear it's beautiful there..Happy Hump Day..

Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on..


backpocket13 replies on 3/28/2019 5:17 am:
Hey Darlin,
..........I’ve been to the Bahamas before, but that’s pretty much like staying in America,.......My biggest concern is that being 6’5 makes me stand out a bit whenever I leave the country, plus I suspect I look a bit like trouble,..........
Sinfully Yours backpocket13

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