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| Blogs > matt-battler > Captain Caveman finally speaks |
Beards - right or wrong?
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Beards - right or wrong? So I went to Bluewater yesterday to get my eyes tested. While checking out various pairs of glasses in the optician's mirror my reflection reminded me that I really look like a thug if I have even just one day of stubble growth. I don't actually enjoy looking moody and menacing and I made a mental note to shave more often. This is consistent with my thoughts on facial hair - i.e. I'm opposed to it. If you asked me to name some historical figures with beards I'd cite Emperor Nero, King John, Peter Sutcliffe and Harold Shipman. I'd conveniently overlook national treasures such as Ian Botham or Brian Blessed.  Peter Ustinov as Emperor Nero - beards - a force for ill throughout history I've often pondered on what the sexual advantages of having a beard are - surely it gets in the way and if it's a short trimmed beard it's really abrasive against a partner's skin - I had a meet from here once where my single day's growth rubbed up against her lower lip and chin in a succession of passionate kisses - she was red raw afterwards - I was so mortified I said 'never again' to myself. I sometimes suspect beards are employed as a screen by men who have weak or abnormally proportioned jawlines - other than that I fail to see the point. Beards have really come back into fashion in the last 2 - 3 years and this is really noticeable amongst the hipster generation. On a recent night out in Covent Garden I'd say clean shaven men were in the minority in the particularly trendy areas - where there are Vietnamese vegan restaurants and pubs that sell Strawberry cider. Surely this must have happened in spite of womens' wishes, if there's an advantage in dating a bearded man I can't see it. Maybe I'm missing something obvious - I'd be interested to know what you think . . . |
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Part of being single is that there's no one around to kick me up the arse and make me shave every day - I would if I was with someone as I know it doesn't look great and stubble rash is horrible! One of my workmates has a ginger beard (blonde on top) - he actually told us that he'd have got rid of his beard by now if it wasn't for his girlfriend - i.e. she really likes it. I used to work with her, however and she's a bit of a mentalist - are there sane women out there that genuinely love beards? 
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Lol I wondered how long it would be before I received communication from a member of the Beard Liberation Front! I can understand that some women like the look of a beard. My main point is sexually, surely it's a disadvantage, it rubs, it itches, it tickles . . . surely it's less pleasurable kissing someone with face fuzz than someone who's clean - and that stubble/hair irritation must also happen when contact is made in the ladygarden area too???
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Hi there BiggLala - thanks for dropping by. I guess my issue with the goatee is that it reminds me of Jimmy Hill (you'll have to look him up) and therefore is associated with a ridiculously outsized chin. The goatee combined with a moustache is the King John style and therefore nearly as controversial as the Hitler moustache. Personally I wouldn't let anyone in my house with a Hitler or King John across their face (joking  )
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For obvious reasons I agree with KMD. A liability but who wants haters. George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper, David Beckham, Ryan Reynolds, Johnny Depp, Sooo all these men are not attractive to the beard haters hummm When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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This could turn out to be my most controversial blog ever, who knew?? I hate to be disagreeable (okay I don't hate that much), but George Clooney and David Beckham became rich and famous before they grew beards - if you're an A-list multimillionaire you can wear a Victorian Diving helmet and women will still find you sexy. Yes Johnny Depp is cool and I would admit some of my heroes sometimes have beards - Sir Bradley Wiggins . . . but certain heroes - I just don't even want to think about it - what a travesty if a young Brando, Newman, McQueen or Redford sported a beard.
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Ahhh but it's more than appearance only - it's about touch and feel too - I understand the debate about ladygardens and how some women won't go bald because of the age connotation, however there is a reward to having a shaved/trimmed pussy, which is it's much easier for a guy to go down on you for a good looonnnnggg time - a guy can lick/suck constantly without breaking off to pull pubes out of the gaps between their teeth. Yes, when I shave it makes me look fresher faced and a bit younger, however if I'm naked most women wouldn't look at the upper third of my body and scream 'schoolboy' - the chest hair makes sure of that. I'll never make a convincing drag act and partly due to the abundance of hair on the rest of my body I don't need to make a massive statement of masculinity by growing a beard - obviously the likes of Osama Bin Laden and Ayotollah Khomeni felt differently (Happy Christmas to peaceloving beard wearers who don't threaten the very fabric of Western Civilization btw  )
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