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Have You Been Hurt And What Do You Learn?
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Have You Been Hurt And What Do You Learn? This question is somewhat of a follow up to a recent post Do You Know. It is also in regard to something someone wrote to me: “Once you've been screwed around by (people) time after time it makes one gun shy, if you know what I mean. So I learned a along time ago when I start to trust someone or lean on someone, I am going to get screwed one way or the other it is an almost certainty for me. So I don't see the point in being let down time and time again.” The question as I first was thinking about it is. Do you hold past hurts against people in your present life? Or to spell it out in a bit more detail . . . If a person, or persons, of the opposite sex in your past have lied to you, or used you, or done something wrong to you . . . do you act, or think, or believe, that all people of the opposite sex will do the same and treat them as if they will? When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. |
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Generalizations are never a good thing...ever. It's a pet peeve of mine when someone says 'all women', 'all men', 'all blacks', etc etc We are all different. That being said, if we did not learn from things that happen in our lives, good and bad, we would never grow. I recently decided to update my profile because of some bad experiences on this site. Doesn't mean I was thinking all men were like those men who were jerks to me. Just meant I'd learned from the experience. Someone did suggest that all those warnings on my profile could effectively drive away the 'good' men along with the men it was intended to keep away. So it's a double edged sword, a fine line to walk....bad experiences, makes you more cautious...as others have suggested, it makes you look at things a little differently...but in no way does it or should it make you generalize about 'all' men...or, in your case...'all' women. Hope lives eternal yanno...glass half full...never give up... Read RESPECT WE all NEED to do Better and Re Petition to Stop Transsexuals from Using Female Profiles
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It's called life.....you either jump in and live it or you sit on the sideline....are you going to get burned? Hell yes....but if you haven't been hurt, lied too, dumped....you just aren't living....the best thing is to forgive and move on....who needs to carry around all of that crap anyway? A story by Lucius8858
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If a person, or persons, of the opposite sex in your past have lied to you, or used you, or done something wrong to you . . . do you act, or think, or believe, that all people of the opposite sex will do the same and treat them as if they will? Everything we experience is an opportunity to learn: about the world, human nature, even ourselves. If you're over the age of 25 you've probably had a broken heart or some other type of romantic setback. Here's where there is a fine line.... These things are learning experiences; one should learn from them and apply the lessons accordingly. There are few things sadder than a grown ass adult repeating the same relationship mistakes again, and again. On the other side of that thin line are people who let bad experiences color every relationship they have. If you are cheated on or verbally abused, you need to understand what the hallmarks are and pay attention to them if they show up in later relationships. You don't want to look at everyone you date as a potential problem. How can you have a healthy relationship with an attitude like that?
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redrockrascal replies on 3/7/2016 3:02 am: It does change you, but you don't have to make others 'pay for it'? No matter how hard you try not to make them pay for it your attitude to certain things will change and you can't help that. My husband died from problems due to alcoholism....I would run a mile now from anyone who was a heavy drinker....not necessarily an alcoholic just a heavy drinker. Can't help it.  ~~Anais Nin~~
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A very good question and that all depends who screwed with me. Sometimes I would say never again and other times I might just take the person back. It all depends how they hurt me hugssssssss V Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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I've been hurt and lied too in the past but I don't really hold any grudges. I just put it down to experience.
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Excellent post !! I think everyone tends to be a little gun shy, some more than others. Sometimes you have to equate it to falling off a horse, you dust yourself off, and climb back on.
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I know there are some great men out there, so no I don't allow past hurts to reflect on those I may be interested in getting to know. I learn from the past and grow as a person. I would not be the woman I am today if I had allowed past hurts to define future relationships. I try to treat all people the same, with kindness. I may not know what they may be going through in their personal life. I treat others as I would like to be treated, with respect and honesty.
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I don't hold anything against males because I have had a few lie to me, nor do I hold anything against females because a few have lied to me. I have learned lessons about how I react, and how to forgive and let go of strong emotions that would make me embittered. I treat people as individuals. Or at least I try... Kk The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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Nope! Too many of women in my life have been the opposite. Everyone should be judged as an individual. What bleak existence to always be suspicious Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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If you mean being spiteful towards others for something I incurred from someone else. No.I may watch their actions a little closer.I asked for clarification, once from a gal, a long time ago and started building dog houses to sell at park and swap.Never did that again.Now it's just stick figure diagrams to indicate motion. Using more than all the road!
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No, I try to treat each person as an individual . I mean I might as someone say be more watchful of the signs etc. if this is a person who has done you wrong in the past, guess that would be another matter. But it's a new individual I wouldn't expect them to be like the other "bad" ones, know what I mean?
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If someone you care for and trust really hurts you it changes you....you are more watchful with your heart. No matter hat people say and how much time passes...it must change you.  ~~Anais Nin~~
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I do not allow any past relationship to dictate my feelings on anyone new. It creates a negative bias. Having a preconceived negative bias interferes with establishing intimacy and trust two crucial elements for a healthy and successful relationship to form.
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This is a great question and I have been hurt a couple of times by men from the site, but I am bigger person, I may be able to forgive them..but I will never forget what they did to me. If there is a good friendship there sometimes you can remain friends after but that's it for me.. Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on.. 
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Not at all. Getting hurt happens but if you learn from it, it is not a complete loss. Judging someone by what someone else has done robs you of the opportunity to be completely open to what this new person has to offer. You may miss out on something truly wonderful if you keep blinders on. Something akin to a relief pitcher in baseball - forget about the homerun you gave up last night and focus on the hitter in front of you. That is the important person, not the smuck that made you a highlight on late night sports lol Drop in and visit my blog sometime, but you'll probably regret it 
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No... I don't but I might be a bit more aware of the signs if you know what I mean. Vive La Difference
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