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| Blogs > xacandxin > Adventures in the Poly Pocket |
F**k Fifty Shades (by Xac)
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F**k Fifty Shades (by Xac) ** SINGLE/POLY BI FEMALES AND COUPLES SEEKING THEM SHOULD COME CHECK OUT UnicornHaven** For anyone on here that has gotten to know me, it may amuse you but may not surprise you to find out that what lies below has been copied from what started out as a simple comment to a blog post by a friend of ours that was about BDSM. We don't typically talk about it much on here, but Xin and I ARE into BDSM. However, most people seem to misunderstand what this is supposed to mean. IT DOES mean that we are both Switches (people who have interests on both ends of the BDSM spectrum), and we do go through spurts where this is heavily involved in our play with each other. IT DOES NOT mean that we are interested in playing with anyone else that way at this time. IT DOES NOT mean that we want anyone else to be physically aggressive or disrespectful with either of us (unless we specifically ask for such a thing). IT DOES NOT mean that we want everyone who wants to be treated that way to flock towards us either. IT DOES mean that if we have already developed a friendship/relationship and we are comfortable enough that we are ready to talk contracts and safe words, we are open to some discussion. IT DOES NOT mean that we are obsessed with that aspect of our lifestyle, and anyone who wants nothing to do with anything like that should avoid us at all costs. Okay, one last thing before I move on to the copy of my previous posting from someone else's blog. This is a point I don't think is made nearly enough in the BDSM world. If the idea of sitting down, developing a lengthy contract that leaves you a great deal of extra responsibility that people in vanilla situations don't have, and then having to worry about the psychological well-being of another at a much greater level than a vanilla person should all sounds good to you, then you might just be into BDSM. If that all sounds stupid and you just want to hurry up and get to the "good part", then you might just be what the BDSM world refers to as a "Tinpot Dominant". Put more simply, it means you're an aggressive asshole who should seek counseling. Without further ado, I bring you my previous posting: I never bothered to read Fifty Shades of Grey, but I can assure you that the movie was one of the worst things to ever happen to the BDSM world, because it glorified more of the violence and not enough of the process. Maybe they'll get that part right with the next two installments of the movie series, but so far I'm still waiting... For instance, part of a Dom's role with his submissive is to use the power that she (or he, for the gentlemen who are otherwise inclined) willingly gives to him as gateway whereby his dominance, aggression, and leadership are used to slowly shape and mold her behavior and personality into something that suits her more idealized version of herself, a self that she currently feels she lacks the strength to be. The act of claiming dominance over this person is literally used to free them from everything that they feel makes them weak. AN EXCERPT FROM A FAILED SCHOOL BOARD MEETING WITHIN A HEALTHY BDSM RELATIONSHIP: "I saw the way you handled yourself in that school board meeting. You had a point that you told me you had wanted to make on behalf of our family, on behalf of our , and you let that woman raise her voice to you and make you feel small enough that you were never able to make your point. I know this is something you're still working on, so I'm not angry with you. I am the man you asked to be your Master however, and I am very disappointed. We're going to have to do something to remind you to be stronger next time a situation like that presents itself. When we get home I'm going to have to smack that ass with one of my riding crops until you can't sit for a day. Then the next time we come back for a meeting like this and you have something to say and someone else makes you feel small and afraid to say it, hopefully you will remember how badly and how long your ass hurt before you decide that you don't have the strength to stand up to a woman like that. That's not up to you to decide right now, and I've decided that you have the strength and are going to use it. That's all there is to it, so you decide exactly how much shame you just brought to yourself and to me by not being the person I've authorized you to be, and use that knowledge to determine exactly which crop you should be beaten with, and then I'll decide how many times and how hard. After every whack, you will repeat after me, 'no one has the right or ability to make me feel small aside from my Master.'" AN EXCERPT FROM THE SAME SITUATION AS ABOVE, BUT IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP: "You stupid bitch. I can't believe you let that woman talk to you that way. She insulted us, she insulted our family, and she made me feel like an asshole for being dumb enough to let you do the talking. I don't know why I even bothered letting you talk. I should have known you'd mess it up just like everything else you touch. You just wait until we get home. You think you're embarrassed now?! Just wait..." It's the same exact situation, except after the first one the man remains calm, he explains that the impending mistreatment of his submissive is directly related to a weak point of hers that she had contracted with her partner to work with her on beforehand. His language does nothing but reinforce her need to assert herself and that she has asked him to impose consequences for her failing to do so. Even the punishment itself is geared towards a specific perspective. It is designed to create a moment within the submissive during the next occasion where someone tries to "alpha" her and shut her down, a moment where she recalls the incredible pain of the crop<b> whipping </font></b>she took and how much it hurt to sit afterward. At that moment she realizes that she has requested to have this happen to her again - and she has contracted to have no right to stop it ahead of time - she has to take a second to think to herself, "Seriously?! I am so frightened of whatever imaginary power this woman has over me that I am willing to go through all that again. Oh, hell no!" That combined with the rush a true submissive feels from pleasing her Dom or Master (for any who don't know, a Master is simply a 24/7 Dom) should be enough to affect the difference within her that she has desired since the beginning of the contract. After she has a series of strong accomplishments like this, the contract has been fulfilled and if there is nothing else she needs to work on, the couple can then slowly abandon their BDSM relationship (or shift the focus simply to the exchange of pain - just the S&m part of the BDSM- if they still enjoy that part). In the second scenario, however, ZERO part of that is designed to empower the woman. Instead it is all designed for the man to take his bad feelings about himself - like the fact that he sat there like a wimp as some random woman demeaned his wife or partner and he did nothing - and then he projects those feelings onto the woman. This leaves her only feeling worse about herself and not likely to speak at all at the next meeting, if for no other reason than to avoid another beating like the one she is being promised when they get home. The ride home is filled with fear and resentment. While there might be some fear felt by the woman in the first scenario, I think any woman who is into BDSM would easily back me up and say that the most noticeable difference between these two women during their ride home... is how wet their panties are  
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