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Dating...for us 'old' folks  

LiveLifeDoU 69F  
1158 posts
9/25/2016 5:27 pm
Dating...for us 'old' folks

First off, let me say that 'old' is a relative term.
I have met and/or talked to some people much younger in years than I am who were quite old in spirit. Sometimes, that is a good thing...I do have an age preference when considering dating and if someone below my age preferences strikes me as mature beyond their age, I am reminded that sometimes, age is just a number. Sometimes being a younger person with an older spirit just means they are tired and it shows. '



And then, some of us 'old' folks have a young spirit within us...I, personally, feel very young at heart...to the point that when my arthritis makes just walking the college<b> campus </font></b>difficult (especially going down stairs), I hate being older...I know there are things I can do to make it so that my body is more in-tune with my younger mind but, it is what it is...I am the oldest in all my college classes and I'm ok with that. In my ceramics class, you can see the students who are really interested in the clay and who are there just to pass what they hope to be an easy class...and I am proud to say I am in the first group...along with the 18-20 year olds

Anyway, I was thinking today of the dating scene for those of us who are not so young anymore.

When was your last date?
Was it one date, two dates, more?
What did you like about it? What didn't you like about it?
If it's been awhile since your last date...why has it been awhile? Your choice? Someone else's choice?
What are your feelings about dating in the future?

Of course, if any of these questions are too personal, feel free to not answer them. I am just a curious soul. Sometimes I wonder if how I feel is what other people my age feel.

My last date was almost a year ago...a nice local gentleman I met through this site...about my age. We met at Pike Place Market, he bought me a coffee at Starbucks (gotta have that cup of joe in seattle!), had a wonderful stroll through the market, had a nice breakfast with a view of the ferry boats crossing the sound...we both said how easy the conversation was between us...we had not chatted very much on the site so this was our first time really getting to know each other. We made arrangements to meet again the next weekend.
Second date was for a light dinner with a glass of wine before going to see a movie...because we met on this site, the conversation easily and naturally did include a few sexy questions and answers, in the quiet corner we had for our dinner. We held hands during the movie, walked so we were close side by side to and from the car...
I enjoyed myself very much and he said he did as well...we both agreed on a third date. He said he would call me the next day (Saturday) to finalize plans for the next date. He drove me home, kissed me, said good night...drove away.
And he didn't call...lol
I texted him Sunday morning, just asked how he was doing. I didn't want to pressure him, but wanted to remind him I was still around lol He responded, said he was grateful that I 'slowed things down' between us. I asked him what he meant. He said since I hadn't contacted him before sunday morning, he got the message that I wanted to slow things down and he respected that. So I reminded him that he'd said he would call me...like yesterday. After about an hour later, he responded, said 'oops, sorry about that'
I have to admit, by then, flags were going up, old tapes were playing and yeah, now I was backing off a bit lol I didn't respond right away...I had to think things through (yeah I think too much sometimes)...but he responded about 45 minutes later, said since I didn't respond, perhaps it was best to let things go. My final text to him was to tell him that it would have been nice to be given a bit more time than 45 minutes to respond as I did have stuff I was doing at the moment...but agreed and that was that.

So....
I very much enjoyed getting out with a guy, chatting, visiting, getting to know each other on a crisp, cool, sunny fall afternoon. I enjoyed the intimacy of a quiet dinner together out in public...holding hands and getting close in the movie theatre...the kiss...well that was a bit unexpected....not that I didn't want to but he just gave me no indication he was going to kiss me so I was a bit unprepared...and so it was not the best kiss...there was no spark at all. And perhaps that's why he decided to end it. Too bad because I do love to kiss lol

I would definitely go out again...not with him but...yeah, with someone. The local men I've chatted with on the site are pretty much only interested in a FWB relationship...my head is just not in that space...yet. I need to get the friends part of it down first.
(Heathen....shaking my finger at you...lol I know what your response to that will be)
I'm still hoping to find someone to be with for the rest of my life.
Recent conversations with good blogger friends on the site have helped me to realize that there are many types of relationships and possibilities...marriage has never been my focus, at all...been there, done that lol

Have a fun, peaceful Sunday evening everyone.


LiveLifeDoU 69F  
2199 posts
9/25/2016 5:34 pm

required first post....when are they going to fix this?


Looknfind18 71M  
4379 posts
9/25/2016 5:38 pm

I had a date about a month ago. we went to a play. had a good time and have talked to her several times since but have not been out again yet, but will. just the business of life, family, grandkids, and other things are keeping us apart. I enjoyed the conversation and just the general mood of the evening. I hope to date more in the future, too young to stop but old enough to be patient.


LiveLifeDoU replies on 9/26/2016 6:16 am:
Very cool, Look! So very glad you have found some fun

tickles4us 62M
7262 posts
9/25/2016 6:02 pm

I like taking my time getting the feel for a person before kissing.

My former wife was beginning to wonder about me when we first started dating as I didn't "make any moves" on her. But to be fair she had asked me out and I had turned her down. She then enlisted my family members asking me why I wouldn't go out with her. Eventually I did go out with her to a movie. I don't remember how many dates we went on before I finally kissed her but it was quite a few. She was ten years younger than me which was why I didn't want to go out with her at 18 to my 28. She was persistent though and a virgin besides.

Vive La Difference


umaykissmesoftly 67F  
344 posts
9/25/2016 6:17 pm

I had a date last month at a museum. Was pleasant enough. I like to date, but many I don't care to see again. Those I do, for companionship if they fall into that category, find they're "too attracted to me to be just friends". Which is a shame, because who knows what might happen given enough time? But it seems they're too impatient and want a guaranty of intimacy within a short period of time. One even backed out of meeting because I wouldn't provide this guaranty. Riiiiiiiiight! Guess they either didn't read my profile or didn't believe it. No skin off my nose


sphxdiver 74M
21063 posts
9/25/2016 6:17 pm

Anymore, things take time, especially on a site like this, usually distance plays a huge factor in it.


kzoopair 72M/71F
25831 posts
9/25/2016 6:44 pm

My wife and I are out of the game and happy about it. From the first time we met, there was no one else. We still have dates, we just don't call it that.

Become a member now and get a free tote bag.


LiveLifeDoU replies on 9/26/2016 6:18 am:
I hope to be as lucky someday, kzoo!

lonlyforlov00 81M
19 posts
9/25/2016 7:03 pm

After 40 years of stalemate, I had a date, it has been about 10 months ago, nice young lady, we chatted here on the IM for some time, and she finally said that she would go to lunch with me, And we did...... many awkward moments that day, difficult conversation, but we made it, nice lunch at O Charlie's (not sure on spelling) I seen her to her car, I told her I would call....

I did call, she apologized for some of the unsure moments. I to, tried to explain away some of my awkwardness...... After a lot of chat, text and some phone calls, we had an evening dinner "Date" nice place , good food and service, a real turnaround. some music, a bit of dancing. A very nice evening.

Well I can say Time flies when you are having fun again, been with here at least once a week ever since. I may not be able to run up the stairs, but I know what to do when I get there, she has been my life, my inspiration, we do just about any thing any young couple would do. and laugh and smile, at those first few times that we found these new found feelings.

All I can say try it, you might like it... it may become a way of life.....I hope i can live long enough to really enjoy this... Age is just a number and it is in your mind, don't let it keep you from happiness..... to all, have a happy day........


LiveLifeDoU replies on 9/26/2016 6:19 am:
Nice to hear you are doing well, lonly

Nola7011 67M
1021 posts
9/25/2016 8:51 pm

In the matter of carnal relations, good things do not come to those who wait.

People are strange when you're a stranger."


LiveLifeDoU replies on 9/26/2016 6:15 am:
I disagree, Nola. Exceptionally intense, fantastic, mind blowing experiences are sometimes only available to those patient enough to wait for it.

Yours_4A_knight 59M

9/25/2016 10:32 pm

I have a date Friday night with a very nice young woman that I did not meet through the site, rather the old fashioned way, maybe it goes somewhere maybe not. I will enjoy it either way.

This will be my first date in over a year, I am just not meeting anyone that I share an interest with.

Not the Whole Truth but the truth that I can see.


LiveLifeDoU replies on 9/26/2016 6:23 am:
I hope you have a good time, however it ends, Yours.

goodatpoetry2 74M
16552 posts
9/26/2016 5:40 am

This will be so hard to explain, so I'll give you the CliffsNotes version.
I haven't been on a date since High School. . By a *date*, I mean where you pick them up at their home, take them out for some type of entertainment, then drive them back to their house.
I've led a strange life. .

Having led a *biker* type life until I was forty, the women were free for the asking. . Groupies, so to speak. . There were some over the years that I did develope feelings for eventually, but it always started out as a sexual thing.
After forty, I guess I was just *preconditioned* and continued to do the same old thing. . Go to a bar... and bring them home.

I'm sure it doesn't sound like it ( at all ), but I'm actually a romantic. .I prefer someone to talk with and snuggle with than *just* have sex with nowadays. . But alas, we must all suffer the consequences of our actions.
I've given up even thinking about having someone in my life at this stage. .What I want is one of those GREAT marriages where they've been happily married for the last 45 years.
To start over from scratch now just doesn't seem like much fun.

Sorry about the long comment, but what the hell... I'll make it even longer. .
Here's one of my poems that explains my problem fairly well....

I used to know a Cindy once,
A Sally,
And a Sue.
I knew them well, if you know what I mean.
And I'm pretty sure you do.

And then there was a Peggy once,
Who was really very sweet.
And how could I ever forget
Ann Marie,
Who was also pretty neat!

And Barbs,
Oh my!
What CAN I say...
Too many to keep track!
One had no car,
One had a Ford,
And one, a Cadillac.

There's been so many, I tend to forget!
( My favorite was probably Joan )
There's been so many,
So many,
And yet......
Here am I
Alone.


LiveLifeDoU replies on 9/26/2016 6:31 am:
To be honest, I wish I'd had a bit of what you had in your younger years...there is something to be said for sewing your wild oats when you are younger. I probably could not have done the sex without getting to know my partner a bit more than you describe lol But we are all different.
Perhaps it's because I never had what you had in your younger years that I am still of the mindset that a long term relationship is still possible for me...and desirable. Won't be 45 years but hey, I'll take what I can get lol

goodatpoetry2 74M
16552 posts
9/26/2016 5:45 am

PS... What a great subject for a site such as this ! . .

This is something that should interest many here. .


LiveLifeDoU 69F  
2199 posts
9/26/2016 6:12 am

    Quoting Heathen_G:
    In ones 60s and above, even perhaps 50s, and above, "Dating" doesn't exist. "Dating" is for the sexually active and generally healthy.
    At these advanced ages most people really are just "Hanging out" [or to class it up for the advanced aged; Rendezvousing] for companionship.

    it was not the best kiss...there was no spark at all. .... But you enjoyed his company. [ "very much enjoyed getting out with a guy, chatting, visiting, getting to know each other ... I enjoyed the intimacy...holding hands and getting close in the movie theatre].... but no spark, no chemistry.

    For you, this guy would have been perfect for your "Friendzone", the zone of the "Spark-less".

    Had there been "Sparks", felt from each of you, then your attention would be on the "Sparks", on "The chemistry", NOT "Let us be friends first".

    When a woman says, "Let us be friends first", that means there is no "Spark" felt. So really there never will be any sparks. She doesn't want to see him naked. Nothing beyond holding hands and companionship. So she wants his attention, his time. She wouldn't want to give him a hand job. She wouldn't want his hands groping between her legs.

    But since he is on a sex site, he went away because there was no spark noticed either. He was clever enough to understand that he is on a "Sex site". At his age, that means if he can find a woman who will be more than willing to just give him a hand job, he would consider that a success, a "Date".

    And perhaps that's why he decided to end it. ... Yes, he didn't feel any sparks either, and you certainly didn't give him a hand job. If he was looking for "Friends", to willingly take a seat in your "Friendzone" , then everything you described , including the no-spark-kiss, would have been perfect.

    Too bad because I do love to kiss lol .... So that means , you do NOT look for "Friends first". You look for "Sparks" first, and you know that's right.

    I would definitely go out again...not with him but...yeah, with someone. ... And you'd be looking for "Sparks".

    The local men I've chatted with on the site are pretty much only interested in a FWB relationship... Yes, of course. This site is laid out for that purpose.

    my head is just not in that space...yet. ... Then you shouldn't be here..."Yet". [Especially for what you're seeking].

    I need to get the friends part of it down first. .... No you don't, and I am going to quote you, pay attention, " it was not the best kiss...there was no spark at all. .., .... There is no "Friends first". As you just said , there was no spark. So you understand that there really wouldn't be any more reason to meet with him further, because you're looking for "Sparks".

    (Heathen....shaking my finger at you...lol I know what your response to that will be) ... Good. So you're actually aware that I could be right.

    I'm still hoping to find someone to be with for the rest of my life. ... Not from this site you're not. Go to a site that is designed for that purpose.
    Like you wouldn't go to Subaru to specifically find a Toyota Camry. No, of course not. You'd go to Toyota.

    Recent conversations with good blogger friends on the site have helped me to realize that there are many types of relationships and possibilities. ... "Blogger acquaintances". You've probably never really met them, so how could they possibly be "Friends".
    And yes, there are many kinds of relationships. But for particular kinds of relationships....and for the best possibilities, one searches in the best equipped sites for that. Like you wouldn't go to Eharmony to specifically find a BDSM relationship.
I disagree...of course...lol
1.) just because someone is in the 50's or 60's or beyond, does not mean they are not sexually active nor healthy. We would not be on this site if we were not at least the former.

2.) When meeting someone for the first time...or the second time...a friendship can be developed. then the discovery of whether there are sparks or not is made, determining if that friendship will go further. So for anyone to say they want to be friends first doesn't mean there are no sparks...it means they haven't gotten to know each other well enough to know if there are sparks. Yes, I know, sometimes there is that connection right away...if not, that doesn't mean it won't happen. I think perhaps we disagree on that though.

I liked this guy well enough after two dates that if he'd gone about the kiss in a different way, things may have turned out differently. The fact that there were no 'sparks', in my opinion, was a direct result in how he went about going from having a nice, friendly time to wanting more. Not all women are an 'ok, time to grope and get on with this' kind of person and they are still a very sexy, desirable woman....it just takes some time to get to that point. If we are not worth your time, then yes, go find someone who will give you the instant gratification you seek. Believe me, the guy who is not willing to put in the time is definitely missing out...on a lot of things. Some/most women are willing to put in the time to get to know the guy...there are men like that as well.

I don't think he was...and I get the impression you are not either. Putting in the time for you, and for him, is like trying to play a game you have no interest in....but it's not a game for a lot of us. Sex is more than a biological, instant gratification coupling for some of us...it's a connection on a higher level with our sex partner...and the only way to see/feel that connection, if it's there, is to spend time with the other person.

Spending time with the other person...it's kind of sad that you, and others, feel that spending time with someone is such a prison sentence....I know it's because your main focus is just the sex...you don't really want to know this other person that well.

So you have your way....and I have my way. Neither of us is wrong unless we try to force the other one to accept our point of view as the only right way to do things.

3.) Just because I know what your response will be, doesn't mean you are right or that I think you are right. It just means I know what your response will be as I've read it a hundred times.

4.) I have been to other sites. They are no different from this site except I have to pay to be able to even chat with other members to see if there is anything in common. I paid, I chatted, the people were the same as here.

5.) I consider some on this site to be my friend...you don't have to meet someone to be their friend.


pocogato12 71F  
37235 posts
9/26/2016 6:33 am

Whew. I love goodatpoetry2 two posts- very clarifying

(Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group


goodatpoetry2 74M
16552 posts
9/26/2016 10:54 am

    Quoting pocogato12:
    Whew. I love goodatpoetry2 two posts- very clarifying
Thank you for saying that.

It's not often that people here complement other's comments. . Actually, I thought twice about even commenting because I thought I might be ridiculed a bit. . Thanks again.


LiveLifeDoU replies on 9/26/2016 6:19 pm:
I'm so glad you did respond, goodatpoetry, your post was honest and enlightening. Hugs.

KItkat1415 61F  
20051 posts
9/26/2016 12:11 pm

    Quoting Heathen_G:
    In ones 60s and above, even perhaps 50s, and above, "Dating" doesn't exist. "Dating" is for the sexually active and generally healthy.
    At these advanced ages most people really are just "Hanging out" [or to class it up for the advanced aged; Rendezvousing] for companionship.

    it was not the best kiss...there was no spark at all. .... But you enjoyed his company. [ "very much enjoyed getting out with a guy, chatting, visiting, getting to know each other ... I enjoyed the intimacy...holding hands and getting close in the movie theatre].... but no spark, no chemistry.

    For you, this guy would have been perfect for your "Friendzone", the zone of the "Spark-less".

    Had there been "Sparks", felt from each of you, then your attention would be on the "Sparks", on "The chemistry", NOT "Let us be friends first".

    When a woman says, "Let us be friends first", that means there is no "Spark" felt. So really there never will be any sparks. She doesn't want to see him naked. Nothing beyond holding hands and companionship. So she wants his attention, his time. She wouldn't want to give him a hand job. She wouldn't want his hands groping between her legs.

    But since he is on a sex site, he went away because there was no spark noticed either. He was clever enough to understand that he is on a "Sex site". At his age, that means if he can find a woman who will be more than willing to just give him a hand job, he would consider that a success, a "Date".

    And perhaps that's why he decided to end it. ... Yes, he didn't feel any sparks either, and you certainly didn't give him a hand job. If he was looking for "Friends", to willingly take a seat in your "Friendzone" , then everything you described , including the no-spark-kiss, would have been perfect.

    Too bad because I do love to kiss lol .... So that means , you do NOT look for "Friends first". You look for "Sparks" first, and you know that's right.

    I would definitely go out again...not with him but...yeah, with someone. ... And you'd be looking for "Sparks".

    The local men I've chatted with on the site are pretty much only interested in a FWB relationship... Yes, of course. This site is laid out for that purpose.

    my head is just not in that space...yet. ... Then you shouldn't be here..."Yet". [Especially for what you're seeking].

    I need to get the friends part of it down first. .... No you don't, and I am going to quote you, pay attention, " it was not the best kiss...there was no spark at all. .., .... There is no "Friends first". As you just said , there was no spark. So you understand that there really wouldn't be any more reason to meet with him further, because you're looking for "Sparks".

    (Heathen....shaking my finger at you...lol I know what your response to that will be) ... Good. So you're actually aware that I could be right.

    I'm still hoping to find someone to be with for the rest of my life. ... Not from this site you're not. Go to a site that is designed for that purpose.
    Like you wouldn't go to Subaru to specifically find a Toyota Camry. No, of course not. You'd go to Toyota.

    Recent conversations with good blogger friends on the site have helped me to realize that there are many types of relationships and possibilities. ... "Blogger acquaintances". You've probably never really met them, so how could they possibly be "Friends".
    And yes, there are many kinds of relationships. But for particular kinds of relationships....and for the best possibilities, one searches in the best equipped sites for that. Like you wouldn't go to Eharmony to specifically find a BDSM relationship.
Heathen,
I do understand that you are coming from a position of "being a man" (and only within the strict boundaries of what you perceive a man is) and your viewpoint is that this is a sex site, so only the positive outcome for men (i.e. sex on demand) is what you seek, but...
Can you understand that other people do not come from that viewpoint?
What is your point in interacting with people with that attitude? It is not conducive to dialogue, and strikes me of you attempting to shut down conversation.

Does your attitude on this site result in your "positive outcomes?"
And does your comments on blogs ever result in "positive outcomes?"

And your "not my concern" comments are patronizing and I often don't bother reading all of your comment once you write that because it is obvious to me, that your understanding of making comments, an attempt at conversation, is different than mine.
Kitkat

The observant make the best lovers,
I may not do right, but I do write,
I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life,
Kitkat
Come check out my blog
KItkat1415
check out this post by me
Adventures In Body Grooming
#39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath
If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40


KItkat1415 61F  
20051 posts
9/26/2016 12:25 pm

    Quoting LiveLifeDoU:
    I disagree...of course...lol
    1.) just because someone is in the 50's or 60's or beyond, does not mean they are not sexually active nor healthy. We would not be on this site if we were not at least the former.

    2.) When meeting someone for the first time...or the second time...a friendship can be developed. then the discovery of whether there are sparks or not is made, determining if that friendship will go further. So for anyone to say they want to be friends first doesn't mean there are no sparks...it means they haven't gotten to know each other well enough to know if there are sparks. Yes, I know, sometimes there is that connection right away...if not, that doesn't mean it won't happen. I think perhaps we disagree on that though.

    I liked this guy well enough after two dates that if he'd gone about the kiss in a different way, things may have turned out differently. The fact that there were no 'sparks', in my opinion, was a direct result in how he went about going from having a nice, friendly time to wanting more. Not all women are an 'ok, time to grope and get on with this' kind of person and they are still a very sexy, desirable woman....it just takes some time to get to that point. If we are not worth your time, then yes, go find someone who will give you the instant gratification you seek. Believe me, the guy who is not willing to put in the time is definitely missing out...on a lot of things. Some/most women are willing to put in the time to get to know the guy...there are men like that as well.

    I don't think he was...and I get the impression you are not either. Putting in the time for you, and for him, is like trying to play a game you have no interest in....but it's not a game for a lot of us. Sex is more than a biological, instant gratification coupling for some of us...it's a connection on a higher level with our sex partner...and the only way to see/feel that connection, if it's there, is to spend time with the other person.

    Spending time with the other person...it's kind of sad that you, and others, feel that spending time with someone is such a prison sentence....I know it's because your main focus is just the sex...you don't really want to know this other person that well.

    So you have your way....and I have my way. Neither of us is wrong unless we try to force the other one to accept our point of view as the only right way to do things.

    3.) Just because I know what your response will be, doesn't mean you are right or that I think you are right. It just means I know what your response will be as I've read it a hundred times.

    4.) I have been to other sites. They are no different from this site except I have to pay to be able to even chat with other members to see if there is anything in common. I paid, I chatted, the people were the same as here.

    5.) I consider some on this site to be my friend...you don't have to meet someone to be their friend.
I'm in my 50's. When I separated from my husband in 2012 (I had just turned 50) I waited about 8-9 months to figure out what my body liked in the way of stimulation (yes, there was a lot of porn watching and vibrator playing) and then I started dating again. I had a 3-4 month relationship with a man that was very sexual (too much drama there, meaning tantrums), followed by a man who is now my best friend, met here on AF*F*, and the sex was good there, too. Followed by a man who was a blogger from here who I had a very sexual relationship with and was considering being with for the rest of my life but that ended by finding out that he was lying about big parts of his life. The next guy I met and dated was from another dating sites, one that would pass muster with Heathen, and it, too, was a highly sexual relationship that ended when I found out he was lying about being married. Both these last guys would ask out loud why their relationships didn't last longer, as if they had no clue as to how their lies were somehow involved in the end of their relationships. I met someone else who blogs here and have dated other men from other sites and also met the old fashioned way, and all I can say is I am very happy in my life now. i have sex, I am on this site as a blogger, and I consider you a friend, even if we have not met in person.

Different people think different ways. You and I think in similar ways. Maybe Heathen just thinks differently than us. Since neither of us are trying to land him in bed, or in his heart, that is just fine with me.

Kk

The observant make the best lovers,
I may not do right, but I do write,
I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life,
Kitkat
Come check out my blog
KItkat1415
check out this post by me
Adventures In Body Grooming
#39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath
If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40


Muffunluvr 70M
8 posts
7/3/2017 8:10 am

You need some kind of connection to farther along a sexual relationship. Just jumping into bed with first interesting person and end disasterously. I prefer to date some before thinking about sex these days.


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