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What's something dirty you like to do?  

bipolybabe69 62F
400 posts
6/18/2016 8:32 am
What's something dirty you like to do?


A man, following my suggestion that he ask me a question if he want to get my attention, just wrote to ask, "What's something dirty you like to do?"

That's a tough question because "dirty" usually means perverted or shameful.

I live an invitation to freedom by which I mean it's my mission to model accepting my body, desires and pleasure without shame.

I choose to have sex with more than one person at once. For some people, especially the born-again Christian chicks with whom I went to high school, that's shameful. I haven't shared with them this perversion. They're already freaked out that I don't think a<b> monogamous </font></b>relationship is the one and only way in which one "should" enjoy sex. It's merely the default chosen by people who are either afraid to step outside or feel shame about lust.

Okay, I thought of two, which I don't think are "dirty," but some people might, because they are taboo. A friend of mine said, "Shedding shame about sex is all well and good, but we may want to retain some shame so there are 'hot buttons.' If everything's okay, sex could get boring."

I disagree with that. Sensation in my body is one of my hottest buttons. I can go inside and savor sensations. Last night after some rowdy sex with funnawanna
, I enjoyed lying, cuddling, petting and stroking and being stroked all over. I don't think I ever get enough touch. That was delightful! It's a very fine thing to have friends with whom one can have sex. And a feeling of loving connection.

Okay, but back the "dirty" things:

I got squicked the first time I heard myself reel off the fantasy of "mother-" sex while a guy a few years older than I pretended to be my . I do have a beautiful and I would NEVER consider engaging with him in anything that crossed boundaries. I consider it healthy to explore it in fantasy with someone my own age. I guess it's hot because it's taboo. Taboo is different than "dirty" to me.

Same for "Daddy/Little Girl" fantasy play. It feels naughty to me, therefore it's hot.

There is "something dirty" that I'd like to try. I've never been able to realize my fantasy of rough sex. I imagine leaving my door unlocked and a man crawls into bed with me as I'm sleeping. As a natural dominant and more comfortable being in control, I'm bossy when it comes to sex. And picky. I'd need to train the man to use my preferred coconut lube, female condoms (or he'd need to be someone I trust for unprotected sex) and he'd have to be able to wrestle me into submission. And smart enough to dominate without freaking me out.

Domination (so that the other person can surrender safely) requires skill and practice. It's not just behaving like an asshole. The dominant in a fantasy scene is responsible for the emotional and physical well-being of both people. Too many men think domination is just about being an asshole or being rough with a partner. D/s (Dominance/surrender) requires intelligence to push the erotic edge in order to create intensity in the experience.

So, apparently, there aren't "dirty things I like to do" but "dirty things I haven't yet tried."

And you, are there "dirty things" you like to do?

{=}{=}{=}

BiPolyBabe69

TicklePlease 56F  
13851 posts
6/18/2016 8:46 am

Can I point out a phrasing that shows a common bias in the swinger/lifestyle world? I've heard it said multiple ways by multiple people who self-identify as "sex positive" people and each time I think it's pretty condescending.

To quote your definition of monogamy, it's "merely the default chosen by people who are either afraid to step outside or feel shame about lust."

This implies that people who are happy with monogamy and choose to live a life that suits their monogamous nature are somehow not as enlightened as people who are polyamorous or living in an open relationship. Many people are content with monogamy and to assume they would change their mind if only they felt less shame or became educated to a different mindset is a little closed minded in itself.

Not trying to pick an argument on your blog, just wanted to point out that different choices aren't necessarily lesser ones and that's how that particular definition of monogamy sounded.


bipolybabe69 replies on 6/19/2016 8:25 am:
I actually support monogamous people in their choice. If that is, indeed, a conscious choice rather than hiding out from "what might happen if we opened the door just a little?"

Monogamous people need to work a little harder to keep sex interesting in a long-term relationship. Perhaps that would be sharing their fantasies with one another. Perhaps they both need to up their skill level. I knew NOTHING about my own body before I started studying Tantra. I had no idea what to ask for. Sex has been so much more pleasurable since I gave myself permission to investigate what's possible for me with one monogamous partner.

I'm NOT saying everyone needs multiple partners. There's a good reason only about 5% of the population is into swinging or polyamory (I think a big bunch more are interested in some fetish or BDSM). It's NOT for everyone. But I think most people would be healthier if they considered the options and chose what's right for them.

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