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How was my day?  

secret_lade 49F
14097 posts
12/12/2019 4:01 pm
How was my day?


Kinda terrible.

If there was an award for Scum Mom of the Year, I think I've probably earned it.

I received an explanation of benefits from my insurance company the other day for appointments that I was certain were not my sons. I even verified with him that he had NOT seen a doctor while at his Dad's house.

I never took him to the doctor.....

There was most certainly fraud afoot!

After calling my insurance company and 3 hospitals to find out where the mistake was made, he finally admitted today that he had been seeing a psychologist at the wellness clinic in his school.

His dad and I just looked at each other.

Dad - Well, we know what's going on now.

Me - Why didn't you tell me?? Do you know how many phone calls I've made about this?

- It's hard for me to talk about this stuff.

Dad - It says psych evaluation. What are they doing?

- I'm having a hard time opening up to people, I wanted to talk to someone about it.

My heart sank when I heard that. He's always been so secretive, I hurt at the thought that my own can't talk to me. I ended up telling him I understood, I wished that he had just been honest with me, but if this was something he needed, he should continue seeing the psychologist.

I feel as though I've let him down.

In other news today....

Boss #1 and Boss #2 have recently started parenting my interactions with Nose Hairs.

It's kind of weird, I've got to be honest.

When Nose Hairs stopped by my office to ask for a report this morning Boss #1 made his presence known by sliding my window open and standing in it.

Apparently they don't feel he's being on the up-and-up with his interactions with me.

This should be interesting.

secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
12/13/2019 3:23 am

    Quoting Cum_Happy:
    Maybe he is seeing the psychologist because of you. Or, maybe he thinks he is seeing the psychologist because of you. Or maybe the whole thing has nothing to do with you. ????
    Here's what I would suggest. Since it could be one of many scenario cases that are the problem, and since you don't know more than you do know at this point. Assume good things. Assume it has nothing - if nothing else, nothing in reality to do with you. Like I said before, I know how easy it is to automatically blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong with our kids.
    There is always something to feel guilty about. But in the end, beating ourselves up does no one any good at all.
    One last thought . . .If there is a way that you can find out more about what is happening at school, with the physiologist, that could be helpful.
    I wish you and your family well.
Thank you for your input, it is very much appreciated. I've come to the decision that I'm just going to let whatever happens, happen. When he's ready, he'll share with me. If he never shares with me, that's ok too. In an earlier comment I mentioned that, if this is an outlet that is going to prevent him from suicide or substance abuse because of depression or anxiety, I am all for it.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
12/13/2019 3:18 am

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Wow. That stuff with your son is heavy.
    You taught him something though.
    To have the strength of character to seek help - when he needed it. Some... would completely disappear. You know what I mean?
I do know what you mean.... I think I was one of those kids who disappeared. Right out of high school I became involved with a guy, an older guy, and ended up pregnant by 19. We lived together, and got married, having 3 more kids, but it wasn't ideal for me. He evolved into an alcoholic, he developed a bad attitude, but I continued to make due with what I had because it was all I had known for a long time. I lost myself in the process and just became someone's mother, someones wife. My opinion was literally never a consideration. I never want for my children to feel this way.... So, after a lot of thought, and seeing the situation outside of my hurt, mom eyes.... I'm happy there is an outlet out there available to him like this.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
12/13/2019 2:45 am

    Quoting mc_justmc:
    Your son didn't tell you because he has a hard time opening up to people (including you) and he's seeking help (on his own) to rectify the problem. I'd be happy to know that my son is mature enough to not only see the problem, but taking the initiative to fix the problem. You didn't let him down, you did a hell of a job raising him. Good for you! How old is he?
He's 17. He has always been my good kid, my responsible kid, the one who looks out for everyone. Now that he drives, he makes sure his sister gets a ride home from the bus stop. He looks out for his dad (as he has a drinking problem) and he does so much. Part of my guilt is that I always kind of just thought, it's son #2, he's got this! Maybe he doesn't... He's a lot like me, maybe, and he doesn't want to burden others with our own problems and insecurities.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
12/13/2019 2:40 am

    Quoting positively4you:
    I admire him for going there. So many kids don’t and it can lead to a lot of problems. He is smart enough to know to find some help.
You know, my first thought was, is he battling depression and I never noticed? Could this be the outlet that prevents him from something like suicide or drug and alcohol abuse? If it is, I'm going to choose to be thankful for this.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
12/13/2019 2:36 am

    Quoting japaneseass:
    you know...i get it...there were lot of things i could not tell my parents, when i was younger...as i knew if i told them, i know i would make them sad...and make them worry about me....both my parents are gone now, so they have never had a chance to hear, i never told them...it was always more comfortable for me to talk to professionals...you know...cus they are not related to me, so i told them, about my problems, my burdens, so i can clear my mind without worrying about anything else...maybe your son, might be feeling like that...

    don't blame on yourself...it's not your fault...maybe he might open up more and talk to you about his burdens...maybe not, just like me...but i can assure you, you are always his mother, and he knows you are special...
Thank you for your comment.... I needed to hear this. It reminded me of what it was like when I was his age. He and I are very much alike, there was a lot I kept to myself that, to this day, has never been spoken to anyone.


Cum_Happy 110M
2824 posts
12/12/2019 9:18 pm

    Quoting secret_lade:
    . Thank you

    Part of me is worried that he's seeing the psychologist because of me.
Maybe he is seeing the psychologist because of you. Or, maybe he thinks he is seeing the psychologist because of you. Or maybe the whole thing has nothing to do with you. ????
Here's what I would suggest. Since it could be one of many scenario cases that are the problem, and since you don't know more than you do know at this point. Assume good things. Assume it has nothing - if nothing else, nothing in reality to do with you. Like I said before, I know how easy it is to automatically blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong with our kids.
There is always something to feel guilty about. But in the end, beating ourselves up does no one any good at all.
One last thought . . .If there is a way that you can find out more about what is happening at school, with the physiologist, that could be helpful.
I wish you and your family well.

Anything done half-heartedly will net you an equivalent result. ~CH


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
12/12/2019 8:30 pm

    Quoting Cum_Happy:
    I can understand your feelings. I would probably blame myself too if it were me. But you know, this a scum mom does not make!
    Sometimes it is hardest to open up and talk with the ones we are closest to.
    Don't be so quick to beat yourself with the bad mom bat.
    I think you should go to McDonald's - Because, you deserve a break today!
. Thank you

Part of me is worried that he's seeing the psychologist because of me.


secret_lade 49F
9227 posts
12/12/2019 8:26 pm

    Quoting lindoboy100:
    Seems to me that you're being hard on yourself there McLade?? Weans have a way of hiding things........

    Sounds like #1 and #2 are really good people to work for!
They do, especially this one. My oldest son would tell me everything..... This one internalizes everything.


Paulxx001 66M
22642 posts
12/12/2019 7:35 pm

Wow. That stuff with your son is heavy.
You taught him something though.
To have the strength of character to seek help - when he needed it. Some... would completely disappear. You know what I mean?


Pgmanforyou 56M
47 posts
12/12/2019 7:18 pm

Awesome. . Point ! Yes I did


mc_justmc 63M

12/12/2019 6:51 pm

Your son didn't tell you because he has a hard time opening up to people (including you) and he's seeking help (on his own) to rectify the problem. I'd be happy to know that my son is mature enough to not only see the problem, but taking the initiative to fix the problem. You didn't let him down, you did a hell of a job raising him. Good for you! How old is he?


positively4you 74F  
4605 posts
12/12/2019 6:50 pm

I admire him for going there. So many kids don’t and it can lead to a lot of problems. He is smart enough to know to find some help.


japaneseass 56F  
50231 posts
12/12/2019 6:30 pm

you know...i get it...there were lot of things i could not tell my parents, when i was younger...as i knew if i told them, i know i would make them sad...and make them worry about me....both my parents are gone now, so they have never had a chance to hear, i never told them...it was always more comfortable for me to talk to professionals...you know...cus they are not related to me, so i told them, about my problems, my burdens, so i can clear my mind without worrying about anything else...maybe your son, might be feeling like that...

don't blame on yourself...it's not your fault...maybe he might open up more and talk to you about his burdens...maybe not, just like me...but i can assure you, you are always his mother, and he knows you are special...


Cum_Happy 110M
2824 posts
12/12/2019 5:29 pm

I can understand your feelings. I would probably blame myself too if it were me. But you know, this a scum mom does not make!
Sometimes it is hardest to open up and talk with the ones we are closest to.
Don't be so quick to beat yourself with the bad mom bat.
I think you should go to McDonald's - Because, you deserve a break today!

Anything done half-heartedly will net you an equivalent result. ~CH


lindoboy100 61M
23969 posts
12/12/2019 5:08 pm

Seems to me that you're being hard on yourself there McLade?? Weans have a way of hiding things........

Sounds like #1 and #2 are really good people to work for!


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