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| Blogs > xbeautifulxlie > My Blog |
The Beginning
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The Beginning Open Marriage - a concept I'm not unfamiliar with, having "grown up" in BDSM circles throughout my sexual awakening, but not something I ever thought I'd find myself in. I think one of the most devastating realizations any woman can have is the fact that her man is cheating on her; I can't fully describe with words how soul crushing it is. The hard part is coming to the understanding that he really does love you, but that you're not enough and never will be. How do you not take something like that personal? The first time I found out, he promised me upside down and sideways it would never happen again. We went to marriage counseling. We did everything we were supposed to do to shore up our relationship and move on. And we did! Until I started noticing those little subtleties again about a year later. This time, I was just pissed. What was I going to do? Leaving and losing half my family was not an option, but I've always thought those women who "stayed for the " were complete idiots. You can't ever understand someone's reasoning until you find yourself in their situation. And here I was - about to stay solely for my . After several very tense weeks, my husband and I finally had one hell of a come to Jesus meeting where he disclosed everything - and I do mean everything - from start to finish. Throughout the conversation, I realized something that in truth I'd always known; I'm just not enough for him. He absolutely loves me, he's an amazing father, he's my best friend, and I don't want to ever be married to someone else - but he has an itch that I just can't scratch....and strangely enough, I'm perfectly okay with that. In fact, I don't want to scratch that itch! So, what next? To me, having been involved in the BDSM lifestyle the better part of my life, the answer was obvious; we needed to open our marriage. I naively believed this would be an easy, natural transition. And for me, the first time he went to go meet someone, it was. For him, not so much. It's been rough, to say the very least. There are so many emotions that go along with this that somehow, I never knew existed. Jealousy, anger, unease, happiness, etc., are all part and parcel with what I've signed up for. What surprised me was that they're on HIS end, not mine. Now granted, I'm not dumb enough to believe I'll never have those feelings, but for right now I'm kind of reveling in the fact that we've found a singular area of our lives where my compartmentalization skills are better than his. This is going to be a wonderful journey if we play our cards right, and I'm very excited for what the future holds. Openness, communication, trust, honesty, and a lot of love - that's the relationship I signed up for and it's the one we're working so hard at achieving now. |
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5/29/2018 9:21 am |
Good luck with the open marriage move. Not too many people can make that work. I certainly did not. With a lot of communication and understanding you have a chance. Best of luck. Jimmy B. My blog JimmyB7474 is called Into The Woods (erotica) entertaining stories about a guy named Jimmy. Enjoy.
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These situations always illicit complex emotions. The key seems to be strength of the bond between you and your husband. There are no "right" answers only better answers. You find the answers that work for you and maintain the emotional bonds. Good luck. “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde
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If I can’t be his all, I will not be his part time or share. I will just stay single.
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