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| Blogs > KenmoreCpl > My Blog |
I've never had an orgasm
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I've never had an orgasm Scene 1: "I've never had an orgasm." These were the words I heard as my tongue was zeroing in on her clit for some serious oral gymnastics. I almost stopped, got my clothes on, and went home to masturbate. But I didn't. I gave it the good old college try. Unfortunately, she had uttered a self-fulfilling prophesy. She didn't cum. To this day I wonder if she has ever had an orgasm. Scene 2: We're well on our way to an oral orgasm. My tongue is hitting all the right places, just the right way. We're real close as I feel her body start to tremble, announcing another happy ending. Then, I sense something has changed. She wants to cum badly she's holding her breath, reaching to span the last little bit of stimulation to achieve victory. We miss it. And, to boot, she has the headaches to end all headaches. How many women experience either of these two scenarios? I'm sure way, way too many. The recipient is frustrated. The giver can sometimes question themselves. In my vast, limited time performing oral research between a woman's thighs (God I wish I was an Orca so I could breathe out of the back of my neck) I've found two physical states are usually present with an orgasm. First, the receiver has to be able to relax. Second, there has to be the ability to let the orgasm come to you (no pun intended). The relaxation is based on a level of trust and comfort with your partner. It can certainly be developed over time practicing with that partner. But, if you have your thighs wrapped around someone's eyes, you already have it, or at least a start. When achieved, the orgasm is sweet and deep and long and intense. Also, letting that partner know what works for you and giving some tips and guidance as to what feels good and what doesn't quite get you there helps a lot. If you're at the point of opening up (sorry, pun intended) to oral sex, you're already on the way to step 1. Darlin', sit back, or assume whatever position works for you and let the orgasm find you. By that I mean, as you feel the build-up to an internal explosion, don't try to help by holding your breath (physiologically an orgasm dampener) to give that last bit of help or changing your train of thought, if you even have one at this time. Your job is to accept and receive the impending orgasm by relaxing, not to go searching and reaching for it. Not really "doing nothing", but in a way, sort of. I'll use the analogy of a car traveling over a hill. You push on the gas pedal going up the hill (this is the foreplay and getting down to serious play) and at a certain point you don't have to push on the pedal any more. The car will be pulled down over the hill by gravity (the orgasm). You have reached to point of relaxing and accepting; now the orgasm has found you. As a driver you know the feel. It takes no thought. Take your foot off the gas too soon and you slide backwards from where you came (sic). This is the reaching for it in scene 2. Keep breathing, focus on enjoying the tongue that's polishing your clit, and stay relaxed. Let the tongue, or fingers, or whatever take you there. Enjoy the journey there. End result, a powerful orgasm. It can be difficult. How do you stay relaxed to let the orgasm find you? How do you resist the temptation to "help"? How do you not stay too relaxed and lose it? Practice, practice, practice! Trial and error are the best teachers as is a partner who "listens" to your body, will take a little direction, and will take the time to remind you to stay with the plan. Breathe and use your words! Lastly, there is no greater feeling of power than licking your partner to orgasm! The reciprocal ain't bad, either. Also, if you need a volunteer to perform some field research, my wife and I would try to assist. |
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luvly piece!
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