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Do you really know what you are seeking in a D/s lifestyle?  

SGACouple60 69M/69F  
0 posts
5/2/2020 10:54 am
Do you really know what you are seeking in a D/s lifestyle?


Over past years, I have met way many women that are very unhappy with their situation because their interests conflict with their Partner's interests. This is a recipe for disaster, especially if you are going SUBMIT to someone. You do not want be in a position of vulnerability to someone you do not agree with on the more important matters in life. Even if you start out playing casually! Because once the feelings develop, they are VERY hard get rid of! I hope that this blog will make some Doms rethink their relations with some of their subs. This might very well be the reason why some pets/subs/slaves act like they do and makes you feel there is a growing gap between both of you. Realize that these submissives often dare not talk about this problem because after all they are subs, and if there is no real trust any more they dare not speak their minds any more. Everybody has a right on happiness in lets help each other archive that, everyone is different and has different needs.

All too often, a sub will go with a Master or Mistress after little more than the most cursory conversation. This is a recipe for disaster, both mental and physical.

* Communication . Communication between a Dom and sub must be open, honest and without fear or retribution. How else does a Dom know what your limits are?

* Honesty . Be honest about yourself and your desires, fears and situation. Little lies can cause big trouble later on.

* Patience . It may take time to find the right person, but the rewards are worth the wait. Impatient subs can end up in the hospital.

* Safety. You must protect yourself. This means safe words and safe calls, among other things. Any Dom who says they are not necessary should be avoided at all costs. For more details, see Safety First.

* Trust. A sub must trust his or her Dom. This is the basis of the relationship. Without trust, there is nothing.

Some of my feelings and thoughts:

The Dominant...

Above all else they cherish their submissive, in the knowledge that the gifts they give is the greatest of all. They are demanding and take full advantage of the power given to them, but know how to share the pleasure that comes from that precious .

They are in control of oneself first and foremost, so that they may control others. As a stern and demanding Dominant, they can cause their sub to cry real tears. As the consummate lover, they will then kiss the tears away, without ever stepping out of character.

In times of trouble, a Dominant will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between caring individuals. They are quick understand the differences between fantasy and reality. They would never ask a submissive to put them before their career, or family, just satisfy their own pleasure.

To win a submissives mind, body and soul; they know they must first win their trust. They will show their submissive humor, kindness, and warmth. They must also show them that their guidance and tutoring is knowledgeable and deserving of their attention, that this is a person they can learn from, and trust their direction.

They are romantic enough to be protective and chivalrous. When called upon, they will fight for their ladies honor. They prove to them that they are someone they can lean on, and depend on.

They are old fashioned enough be a bit of a chauvinist, yet modern enough to respect them. Quick to point out the differences between them, they also know there is no inferiority in those differences.

When it comes time to teach their submissive their lessons of obedience, they are a strong and unyielding professor. They will accept no flaw, nothing less than perfection from their student. Never do they use discipline without good reason. When they do, it is always with a knowledgeable and careful hand.

They are a careful guide, with safety always his main concern. They know how to use pain to extend the bounds of pleasure. They are a mentor who can bring them to the edges of their envelope, and gently show them the inner courage to reach new heights.

They are always open to communicate and discussions, always ready to hear their wants and needs. They are patient, taking the time to learn their limits, and knowing that as their trust of her Master/Mistress grows, so will they.

They never have to demand ritual behavior by them. They respond to them out the want of pleasing their Master/Mistress. Compliance comes from the wanting to please, not the fear of<b> punishment. </font></b>They understand the fragile nature of mind and body, and never violate the trust given to them.

They are secure enough to laugh at oneself and the absurdities of life, courageous enough to accept assistance. Open minded enough to learn new things, strong enough to grow. Their tools are mind, body, spirit and soul with a little help from rope, paddle and blindfold. They understand that each partner gains most from pleasuring the other. And both of them know that love is the only binding that truly holds.

The Illusion.

The Illusion is that the Dom is in control. In reality the sub only gives the control they allow. The sub is truly in control and in that gains the pleasure they seek, Knowing that the person they give the power is also obtaining enjoyment. Knowing that they are the focus of the attention, the sub may seem be subservient to the Dom but in doing so gains the gratification by their actions. Truly a Good Master/Mistress is fulfilling the desires of the sub by understanding what the sub enjoys and tries fulfill those desires, and in doing so also gains the satisfaction of being served.

Most subs desire do the things they are afraid do, and gives the control another relieve them of the restraint of their social bonds. This is where open communications is key. For the Dom understand what pleasures their sub’s desires, and take the constraints off by ordering submission do what they are afraid .


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