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| Blogs > SilyconBond > I'm a dumpster fire |
Pickle Apocalypse
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Pickle Apocalypse Today, I went into my refrigerator before getting my coffee, before my breakfast heated up, and open my jar of pickles for the last pickle in the jar. Not just any pickle, but the Best Maid brand, Spicy Kosher pickle. This pickle…with it’s spicy, crunchy, and sour taste changed my life a while back. I know, I know, people probably say, “That pickle didn’t save your life.” To which I say, “I was in a bad place, craving soda all the time, , …” With the first bite, I had changed one addiction another not so bad, if annoying the rest of my family. I used drink soda by the case per day, and I like it. I couldn’t walk by a vending machine with soda in it, without buying one and drinking it down within minutes. I had have my “Fix”. Before work, during work, during drives, reading my books. When my were small, and I got a little angry they would run and get me a soda calm me down. It actually put me in the hospital once. I tried cut down, and I tried stop. My brain would not let me. It NEEDED that dopamine fix. My family tried to help me break the habit. Yet, they were not around me all the time. I started hiding cokes in my car, in the toilet tank, at work, under items in the garage fridge. Soda was my drug. Hot or cold, as long as I got the in me. Anyway, that’s history…. I knew I needed to get help. I had a meltdown at a neighborhood party when they ran out of soda and they told me to just drink water. “WATER! WATER! FUCK WATER!” I made a terrible scene at least for them. I left the party, to go buy a 64 oz cool one at the local store. Within a minute of drinking all of it, I felt like crap. Headache, stomach upset, and the big D…… I called my company’s “hotline”…you know…the one the company sets up for problems outside of work. They actually told me they could not help me. My addiction wasn’t covered. I went to my former Dr. He told me to just stop drinking it. That was the last time I saw him. Soooo...quite by accident, I listened to a podcast from Scott Adams. The creator of Dilbert and he described how to switch one addiction for another so your brain is happy. So I went searching for something else to help my brain. Exercise, meh, diet, nope, diet soda, gag me with freight train… I had been seeing this blond woman for about a year, and she was determined to get me to try new foods and not be so picky. Weird, I got pleasure from the sex from her, and she got pleasure torturing me with foods I never ate before. Life is always a compromise. So, she made me a meal with Salmon. Never eaten it before she came into my life. She added a few pickles to my plate with the rice and yucky asparagus. I later tried to hide it under my napkin. Anyway, the Salmon, it was fine. I tried the asparagus. It wasn’t cooked like the last time she made it for me, this time it was steamed…and I gagged. She laughed at the faces I made. Anyway, I ate a pickle. It was delicious. Not sweet, just different. Then I ate another. My brain switched in real-time from needing soda to having this pickle. We cleaned up, had sex, and as she slept…. I opened the refrigerator to get another pickle. I crept quietly back into bed. In the morning, she knew. I guess the pickle was on my breath. Then she went to the fridge and got another pickle. She held it out to me…”Want it?” “Yes…” I begged. “I want two orgasms with your tongue, first.” She said. “What? I would do that anyway.” I said. “Yes, but I know you want this. I can see it in your eyes.” So I did. I gave her a third, to push her a little. I got my pickle, then she made me brush my teeth, which I didn’t find sexy at all when I had a raging hard-on. I forgot about the pickle during our sex play. When we were done, she gave me another anyway and told me where she bought them. I went and bought four jars..all they had at the store. I have been snacking on them ever since. When I feel like I need a fix… I eat a pickle. No , and practically no calories. It takes me three days go through one jar. $3.68 a jar about 9 jars a year, about $437 a year for my addiction. Could be worse I guess. Now…the brand changed their recipe, and it just doesn’t taste the same. I am in pickle hell, trying different ones until I find another I like. I like sweet pickles, but I don’t want . Some dills come close…but not quite there. I have thrown away the polish styles and the Mt Olive<b> spicy </font></b>kosher Petites…Don’t like them at all. The Best Maid brand, Spicy Kosher pickle I like has the larger pieces of garlic in it. Best Maid brand, Spicy Kosher pickle with the smaller pieces don’t taste right, but the labeling is similar…Ugh. If you got all the way the bottom of this post. Comment on your favorite pickle if any, so I can make fun of you later. |
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Today, I went into my refrigerator before getting my coffee, before my breakfast heated up, and open my jar of pickles for the last pickle in the jar. Not just any pickle, but the Best Maid brand, Spicy Kosher pickle. This pickle…with it’s spicy, crunchy, and sour taste changed my life a while back. I know, I know, people probably say, “That pickle didn’t save your life.” To which I say, “I was in a bad place, craving soda all the time, sugar, sugar…” With the first bite, I had changed one addiction to another not so bad, if annoying to the rest of my family. I used to drink soda by the case per day, and I looked at it. I couldn’t walk by a vending machine with soda in it, without buying one and drinking it down within minutes. I had to have my “Fix”. Before work, during work, during drives, reading my books. When my kids were small, and I got a little angry they would run and get me a soda to calm me down. It actually put me in the hospital once. I tried to cut down, and I tried to stop. My brain would not let me. It NEEDED that dopamine fix. My family tried to help me break the habit. Yet, they were not around me all the time. I started hiding cokes in my car, in the toilet tank, at work, under items in the garage fridge. Soda was my drug. Hot or cold, as long as I got the sugar in me. Anyway, that’s history…. I knew I needed to get help. I had a meltdown at a neighborhood party when they ran out of soda and they told me to just drink water. “WATER! WATER! FUCK WATER!” I made a terrible scene at least for them. I left the party, to go buy a 64 oz cool one at the local store. Within a minute of drinking all of it, I felt like crap. Headache, stomach upset, and the big D…… I called my company’s “hotline”…you know…the one the company sets up for problems outside of work. They actually told me they could not help me. My addiction wasn’t covered. I went to my former Dr. He told me to just stop drinking it. That was the last time I saw him. Soooo...quite by accident, I listened to a podcast from Scott Adams. The creator of Dilbert and he described how to switch one addiction for another so your brain is happy. So I went searching for something else to help my brain. Exercise, meh, diet, nope, diet soda, gag me with freight train… I had been seeing this blond woman for about a year, and she was determined to get me to try new foods and not be so picky. Weird, I got pleasure from the sex from her, and she got pleasure torturing me with foods I never ate before. Life is always a compromise. So, she made me a meal with Salmon. Never eaten it before she came into my life. She added a few pickles to my plate with the rice and yucky asparagus. I later tried to hide it under my napkin. Anyway, the Salmon, it was fine. I tried the asparagus. It wasn’t cooked like the last time she made it for me, this time it was steamed…and I gagged. She laughed at the faces I made. Anyway, I ate a pickle. It was delicious. Not sweet, just different. Then I ate another. My brain switched in real-time from needing soda to having this pickle. We cleaned up, had sex, and as she slept…. I opened the refrigerator to get another pickle. I crept quietly back into bed. In the morning, she knew. I guess the pickle was on my breath. Then she went to the fridge and got another pickle. She held it out to me…”Want it?” “Yes…” I begged. “I want two orgasms with your tongue, first.” She said. “What? I would do that anyway.” I said. “Yes, but I know you want this. I can see it in your eyes.” So I did. I gave her a third, to push her a little. I got my pickle, then she made me brush my teeth, which I didn’t find sexy at all when I had a raging hard-on. I forgot about the pickle during our sex play. When we were done, she gave me another anyway and told me where she bought them. I went and bought four jars..all they had at the store. I have been snacking on them ever since. When I feel like I need a sugar fix… I eat a pickle. No sugar, and practically no calories. It takes me three days to go through one jar. $3.68 a jar about 119 jars a year, about $437 a year for my addiction. Could be worse I guess. Now…the brand changed their recipe, and it just doesn’t taste the same. I am in pickle hell, trying different ones until I find another I like. I like sweet pickles, but I don’t want sugar. Some dills come close…but not quite there. I have thrown away the polish styles and the Mt Olive spicy kosher Petites…Don’t like them at all. The Best Maid brand, Spicy Kosher pickle I like has the larger pieces of garlic in it. Best Maid brand, Spicy Kosher pickle with the smaller pieces don’t taste right, but the labeling is similar…Ugh. If you got all the way to the bottom of this post. Comment on your favorite pickle if any, so I can make fun of you later.
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 Och, ye puir wee scone ye.........I thoroughly recommend any dill pickle with a dash of Gulden's Spicy Brown. Ye'll be grand again in nae time McSil! We have pickled silverskin onions over here.......I could eat them by the jar then drink the pickling mix.......in fact, I use the pickling vinegar to make pickled courgette (zucchini) with dill - the herb dill......don't over do the pickling time though or they become too sour.
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might try this.
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