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| Blogs > SilyconBond > I'm a dumpster fire |
I lost my nemesis, and I’m depressed about it.
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I lost my nemesis, and I’m depressed about it. I’ve known him for a long time. He was a real-life Commie Marxist. He has been one for the last twenty years that I have known him. I lost count of the number of times he would say to others when talking politics. “The Russians were on the right path, they just didn’t do it right.” My internal thinking…yeah, two hundred million people killed within their country with their system. Commies always need to kill if they believe you think “wrong.” They tell you what you are thinking btw. Don’t try to argue with me about it. I’ve experienced it first-hand. You want proof. Cuba is nearby, go visit. I've been to the Eastern Block. I've talked to people that lived it. I argued politics with him, but we share a higher goal. Fixing things that are broken. He’s a good engineer, one of the best I know. Traveling throughout the world changed my perception of the United States, and for the better. Despite all of the problems of us elevating small problems to be the biggest ones. This is a great place to live. I love the idea of “second chances.”, “Let’s be better”, and my all-time favorite, “Forgiveness.” It permeates this place for me. To bad those people tearing down statues can’t forgive transgressions of people that died a long time ago. The dead can’t apologize or be better. So, about my nemesis. We have argued a lot over the years, and I can cause his cognitive dissonance to show anytime I want. I didn’t need to, just…he enjoyed it. He loves to argue. I just know I enjoyed seeing him happy more than winning any point. It would piss him off more if I agreed with him. So, at my job, two of our peers have to rate us mid-year, besides our own self-evaluation. It’s a stupid system because if you rate them low, the more raise you could get if you are rated higher. You know who rates you low. Engineers know math. We manipulate numbers all the time to get what outcome we want, and this system is no exception. Hmmm…needed this to be 1mm, let me get a file. You don’t get to pick who does the rating, but they give the “reasons”…and from those written words, it acts as a pointer to who gave you what rating. Anonymous? You have to be kidding. It’s an understanding you’ll get an average score, otherwise, the person might get rated by you and get a lower score. Not proud, done it myself. Anyway, I got my mid-year back today…rated higher than average…a lot higher. It’s not good to get a higher score. The system penalizes the people who elevated you. It made me nauseous just looking at it. I read the comments, and they pointed to two other engineers, one my nemeses. His style glared on the page. The other guy, expected, but he was following the guideline we all do. I couldn’t hold it inside. I went to confront him. Yet, the first thing I noticed about him, he was thinner and his face looked distressed. “I got my mid-year,” I said. His eyes widened. “I know it is you who gave me a higher score. You know what happens if the boss approves. Why?” I asked in a soft tone. “I traveled to Germany over a month ago. Met your friends. Took a tour of the Eastern block while I was there. We got pulled over, and I didn’t have any money for the bribe for the speeding ticket.” “That doesn’t sound good,” I said. “Yeah…the cops beat us up when I argued we were not speeding. Held us for three days. I barely got enough water to drink, fed only once. I didn’t know anyone there. They never really told us what they wanted. I could have gotten the money if I was just allowed to get to an atm. I was released when four other people came in, and just like that…walked out. “ “Ok, but focus, my rating. I’m sorry that happened to you, but I don’t understand the correlation. They are no longer under Soviet Control.” I said. “I’m getting to that. Everything you said over the years came back to me. How you said trust with friends in these counties is more important than money. I made a friend in that cell, he gave me his ration of water…Their system sucked and the police we met were just criminals. Their roads. Their buildings. Their<b> food. </font></b>Everything has some flaw that was obvious even to me.” “That’s why I rated you higher. I have been so wrong for so long. It felt good to do something that just felt right. ” "It's not right. The system we have is fixed against us. You gave me a higher rating, but that means they move the yardstick. Higher-ups don't care how you feel. It's designed to socially separate us. They have a fixed amount they have already settled for. Plus, I didn't solve as many problems these last six months as you. If anything, rate me average and we all win." I argued. "I don't think I can change it now, and I don't feel like doing it." He said. Again...Feelings... "How do you want to feel?" I asked. "Like I haven't wasted my life believing something that wasn't true. " He said. I am exactly like him in that respect. Only I can't figure out what I wasted my life on. Did I? Most times I felt like I was adding value. I've influenced a lot of people in my life, made a lot of people happy, and a few unhappy. I guess last week is still bothering me a little. I feel guilty for being happy these last couple of days. The world doesn't make any sense to me anymore. “How about pushing yourself a little further?” I asked him. “What do you mean?” he said. “Look up this guy on the internet, Thomas Sowell. Just listen to him some. He started as you did. I admire the guy a lot.” I said. He agreed he would by nodding. In the years I have known him, he never agreed with me…ever. He always wanted me to agree with him. It oddly felt weird. If he actually does look up Thomas, and I suspect he will. The dynamic of our relationship will change. I know it’s stupid, but I’ll miss that friction. That friction honed skills I developed to use in other places. Sharpening ideas that cut right through the bullshit people tossed in front of me. After all, feelings matter more than logic. I wish it wasn't thrown in my face so much. BTW, I have never read any of Thomas’ books. I just watched videos of him. I agree with his views on the decriminalization of all drugs and other things. I got sidetracked. I need a new nemesis. Someone that only listens to one side of the argument he/she believes in. Someone that is a mind reader. I need to sharpen my skillset against those people that believe they know what I am thinking, then use that against me. I’m really bad at defending against mind-reading. Any takers? |
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I’ve known him for a long time. He was a real-life Commie Marxist. He has been one for the last twenty years that I have known him. I lost count of the number of times he would say to others when talking politics. “The Russians were on the right path, they just didn’t do it right.” My internal thinking…yeah, two hundred million people killed within their country with their system. Commies always need to kill if they believe you think “wrong.” They tell you what you are thinking btw. Don’t try to argue with me about it. I’ve experienced it first-hand. You want proof. Cuba is nearby, go visit. I've been to the Eastern Block. I've talked to people that lived it. I argued politics with him, but we share a higher goal. Fixing things that are broken. He’s a good engineer, one of the best I know. Traveling throughout the world changed my perception of the United States, and for the better. Despite all of the problems of us elevating small problems to be the biggest ones. This is a great place to live. I love the idea of “second chances.”, “Let’s be better”, and my all-time favorite, “Forgiveness.” It permeates this place for me. To bad those people tearing down statues can’t forgive transgressions of people that died a long time ago. The dead can’t apologize or be better. So, about my nemesis. We have argued a lot over the years, and I can cause his cognitive dissonance to show anytime I want. I didn’t need to, just…he enjoyed it. He loves to argue. I just know I enjoyed seeing him happy more than winning any point. It would piss him off more if I agreed with him. So, at my job, two of our peers have to rate us mid-year, besides our own self-evaluation. It’s a stupid system because if you rate them low, the more raise you could get if you are rated higher. You know who rates you low. Engineers know math. We manipulate numbers all the time to get what outcome we want, and this system is no exception. Hmmm…needed this to be 1mm, let me get a file. You don’t get to pick who does the rating, but they give the “reasons”…and from those written words, it acts as a pointer to who gave you what rating. Anonymous? You have to be kidding. It’s an understanding you’ll get an average score, otherwise, the person might get rated by you and get a lower score. Not proud, done it myself. Anyway, I got my mid-year back today…rated higher than average…a lot higher. It’s not good to get a higher score. The system penalizes the people who elevated you. It made me nauseous just looking at it. I read the comments, and they pointed to two other engineers, one my nemeses. His style glared on the page. The other guy, expected, but he was following the guideline we all do. I couldn’t hold it inside. I went to confront him. Yet, the first thing I noticed about him, he was thinner and his face looked distressed. “I got my mid-year,” I said. His eyes widened. “I know it is you who gave me a higher score. You know what happens if the boss approves. Why?” I asked in a soft tone. “I traveled to Germany over a month ago. Met your friends. Took a tour of the Eastern block while I was there. We got pulled over, and I didn’t have any money for the bribe for the speeding ticket.” “That doesn’t sound good,” I said. “Yeah…the cops beat us up when I argued we were not speeding. Held us for three days. I barely got enough water to drink, fed only once. I didn’t know anyone there. They never really told us what they wanted. I could have gotten the money if I was just allowed to get to an atm. I was released when four other people came in, and just like that…walked out. “ “Ok, but focus, my rating. I’m sorry that happened to you, but I don’t understand the correlation. They are no longer under Soviet Control.” I said. “I’m getting to that. Everything you said over the years came back to me. How you said trust with friends in these counties is more important than money. I made a friend in that cell, he gave me his ration of water…Their system sucked and the police we met were just criminals. Their roads. Their buildings. Their food. Everything has some flaw that was obvious even to me.” “That’s why I rated you higher. I have been so wrong for so long. It felt good to do something that just felt right. ” "It's not right. The system we have is fixed against us. You gave me a higher rating, but that means they move the yardstick. Higher-ups don't care how you feel. It's designed to socially separate us. They have a fixed amount they have already settled for. Plus, I didn't solve as many problems these last six months as you. If anything, rate me average and we all win." I argued. "I don't think I can change it now, and I don't feel like doing it." He said. Again...Feelings... "How do you want to feel?" I asked. "Like I haven't wasted my life believing something that wasn't true. " He said. I am exactly like him in that respect. Only I can't figure out what I wasted my life on. Did I? Most times I felt like I was adding value. I've influenced a lot of people in my life, made a lot of people happy, and a few unhappy. I guess last week is still bothering me a little. I feel guilty for being happy these last couple of days. The world doesn't make any sense to me anymore. “How about pushing yourself a little further?” I asked him. “What do you mean?” he said. “Look up this guy on the internet, Thomas Sowell. Just listen to him some. He started as you did. I admire the guy a lot.” I said. He agreed he would by nodding. In the years I have known him, he never agreed with me…ever. He always wanted me to agree with him. It oddly felt weird. If he actually does look up Thomas, and I suspect he will. The dynamic of our relationship will change. I know it’s stupid, but I’ll miss that friction. That friction honed skills I developed to use in other places. Sharpening ideas that cut right through the bullshit people tossed in front of me. After all, feelings matter more than logic. I wish it wasn't thrown in my face so much. BTW, I have never read any of Thomas’ books. I just watched videos of him. I agree with his views on the decriminalization of all drugs and other things. I got sidetracked. I need a new nemesis. Someone that only listens to one side of the argument he/she believes in. Someone that is a mind reader. I need to sharpen my skillset against those people that believe they know what I am thinking, then use that against me. I’m really bad at defending against mind-reading. Any takers?
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What you need to find is a conspiracy theorist....they will never admit they're wrong. As for your nemesis - he shows that people can change. That gives hope to the world. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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Oh I just discovered Mr Sowell and so glad I did. Why can’t men like him hold office instead of the windbags we have now? Your blogs are quite entertaining.
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