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Blogs > wickedeasy > wicked and that ain't so easy |
waiting
waiting I don’t want to grow up. I know, you’d think I would have done it already. But I haven’t. I keep thinking I have but then something happens and I realize I am still a little learning that Santa Claus isn’t real. I am utterly flabbergasted, crushed…..my world is blown apart and I question everything, all of it. It’s not that I’m irresponsible or even naïve. It’s more like a beaten that still looks at a hand extended and sees a pat, not a swat. Not a glass half full kinda thing because that means you’re thinking about it and I don’t, nope, not a conscious thing at all. Which might make you wonder if I’m just being obtuse, stupid, or even fucking blind. But I don’t think so because most of the time, it’s all good. I don’t mean, it’s ALL good. That’s dumb. But generally, it’s all good, nothing is slipping into the OMFG area, stuff is getting done, life is, well, life…yanno? Today I woke up crying, at the tail end of a dream that was so wretched but was also part of a dream that was so glorious that my mind got tangled up. Ever happen to you? Yeah. In meditation, I sat with it. The koan became so real that as I sat, I felt physical pain. It began in the heart chakra and moved upward. I could feel it leave through the crown chakra, the pain that is. My body settled but there is a sense of great loss in me now. I am waiting I suppose for the news to follow the intuition. You cannot conceive the many without the one. |
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anticipation is not always a good thing You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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I've been having such realistic dreams lately. Often they don't make much sense, but they'tr just so interesting anyway. So far, non seem to have been a premonition of any kind.
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ko·an /kōän/ noun a paradoxical anecdote or riddle, used in Zen Buddhism to demonstrate the inadequacy of logical reasoning and to provoke enlightenment. Thanks for adding a new word to my vocabulary. I do hope your sense of loss/intuition is more metaphor than reality.
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Don't wait. Live now. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Maybe it won't come. Vive La Difference
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Oh, sister. I've been there. My dreams have been troubled, too, probably for some of the same as well as far different reasons. Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale Her infinite variety. Other women cloy The appetites they feed, but she makes hungry Where most she satisfies. For vilest things Become themselves in her, that the holy priests Bless her when she is riggish. ~~ from Antony & Cleopatra
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