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Just My Middle Finger Away
 

Of what use is a philosopher who doesn't hurt anybody's feelings?

Most men are within just a finger's breadth of being mad.

-- Diogenes

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Dio's Private Mailbox
Posted:Sep 23, 2018 3:12 pm
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2020 5:51 am
20653 Views


This is a good place for comments, critiques of my blog, general observations or questions. Confidentiality is NOT guaranteed and subject to public shaming at my discretion.

Constructive critique is highly welcomed as I work to improve my writing.

If you have a question for Dio, this is a good place to privately ask and he can answer it anonymously in his column. Don't be shy.

You're welcome.

Dio

0 Comments , 5 Pending
Is It Too Soon For Virus Jokes?
Posted:Mar 25, 2020 7:30 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2020 4:37 pm
781 Views

What is worse than COVID-19?
9 Comments
Hey Baby ....
Posted:Mar 16, 2020 7:29 pm
Last Updated:Mar 24, 2020 5:30 am
1742 Views

I was thinking about writing a vile, opinionated and judgmental piece about people and the intimate names those consenting adults call each other but I see it's already been done.

So I'm wondering if anyone has seen a post about women who claim be strong and independent yet turn out be desperately gullible and easily duped then dumped by the same exclusive lover time and time again.

Or do I have write it myself?
14 Comments
Here's Hoping Hoarders Shit Their Pants
Posted:Mar 14, 2020 3:45 pm
Last Updated:Mar 21, 2020 12:16 am
2023 Views

I, like you, like 7.8 billion other people in the world, had take a shit today.  The toilet roll holder was empty.  By choice.  The remaining full rolls are in TheWife’s bathroom for her exclusive use.  

Sitting on the shitter, to my immediate left, is a sink with running hot water.  In front of me, about four feet away, is a bathtub that also has running hot water.  On the edge of the sink vanity is a stack of cheap-ass washcloths.  After I pinch a loaf, I moisten one washcloth with warm water from the sink and wipe my ass.  One good wipe (or , if it feels good), grab another one dry off.  Toss them in the tub. Pull everything up that needs to be, walk over to the tub, rinse out the washcloths with hot water, wring them out.  Done.

It’s next trip will be in the washing machine with hot water and bleach and then into the clothes dryer. Ready to return to action.

This is not rocket science, you fucking toilet paper hoarders.  This situation will not last forever.  I will buy and use toilet paper once again, like normal.  And you? You'll still be a selfish asshole. With a lifetime supply of toilet paper.

I hope your toilet clogs up with all the toilet paper you hoarded, Roto-Rooter has shut down for the quarantine and you have no place to shit because your neighbors hate your fucking guts. Hope you make it to the corner gas station. And there's a long line of hoarders in the same shitty boat. Rumble rumble. Sphincter starts to quiver a bit. Don't shit your pants now.

Actually, the warm water felt so much nicer than Charmin, I might just go buy more washcloths.  Better quality ones.  Plus, an added benefit in the event I need them for when some unwanted house guests that hoarded toilet paper come to visit and wants to freshen up.  A washcloth to get that road trip grime off?  Here ya go .…
11 Comments
Ask Dio: Dio Has to Make a Choice
Posted:Mar 8, 2020 4:36 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2020 2:50 pm
2584 Views


Dear Dio,

I recently asked the men on the site a question, given but the two following choices, which would a real man choose? I'd be interested in hearing your answer since we don't know each other, having never met in real life or on FB where I have thousands of adoring followers.

The first choice is a woman who is willing to travel to your town (not a local yokel) for the weekend, only Friday through Sunday. Because she seems to prefer quantity over quality as far as innercourse goes, condoms are a must. In addition to the unreasonable request for condom use, she actually makes the preposterious demand for a face photo (can you spell shalow) before she even considers meeting. Another persnickety demand is no BBCs, no BBMs and no peanut M&Ms. Not only is she a racist and fat-shamer, she is intolerant of nuts.

The second choice is a local woman (a local yokel). One who doesn't ask for a face photo because she only bases her choice on chemistry and personality. That, and the chosen one might ask for one in return, and well, you know, I'm not very photogenic. The second choice does not demand that a rubber be used because she hasn't had sex in since she can remember with an exclusive relationship decades ago. No rubbers, but you may want to bring a couple of paper bags. She cares about her body that even though unused, looks "rode hard and put away wet". Who can resist that look?

So: Dio: Which one shall you choose?

Scribbler51


Dear Scribbler,

I'll bring plain M&M's.

You're welcome,

Dio
13 Comments
Dio Respectfully Declines a Nomination ....
Posted:Jan 27, 2020 3:11 pm
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2020 6:53 pm
5225 Views

It has come to my attention that there are blogger(s) that have graciously offered to advertise less popular blogs in order to garner attention for those lesser known blogs, such as mine. Several of you have offered to nominate my blog, Not Your Fuzzy Bunny Blog, for this prestigious award.

Though I am genuinely honored, I regret that I must respectfully decline those nominations. I do this for painfully personal reasons. My blog has had numerous offers to be linked to more popular ones in the past, only to have those offers either never take place or in the cases they were linked, later deleted. I was devastated at those times and do not wish go through that pain and suffering again. Ever.

Besides, there is one other blog on here that is far more deserving. The title of that blog changes from day to day, but has been known to be called My Fragile Ego, Hugs, Kisses & Farts, Passionate Pisses and Douches or other variations of those listed.

I cannot seem to find the current flavor of the day for the blog title as the blog seems to have either completely disappeared or been deleted.

In that case, can nominations be posthumous?
9 Comments
Dio's Guide to Self Reliance
Posted:Jan 22, 2020 3:55 pm
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2020 12:05 am
5711 Views

My monitor took a shit.

So I bought a new one.

Just thought you should know in case anyone gave a rat's ass.
18 Comments
Dio Asks For Advice
Posted:Jan 14, 2020 4:21 pm
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2020 12:05 am
6731 Views

Anyone have a good recipe for boiled bunny?

Or is it Boo-iled bunny up north?

Asking for a bunny boiler I don't know, never met. Never will.

19 Comments
Fuck Emily Post
Posted:Jan 6, 2020 7:11 pm
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2020 7:55 pm
7009 Views

For the longest time I've wondered what to get an exclusive (ex-, current, future-ex) lover for a Christmas / birthday present and today I got some frugally fresh ideas.

Maybe I'll save enough money to get a Gold membership for myself.
13 Comments
Dio Does His Resolutions
Posted:Jan 1, 2020 11:52 am
Last Updated:Mar 20, 2020 5:39 am
6963 Views

I always get confused with New Year's resolutions and April Fool's Day.

So I went back and re-read some of earlier posts to reflect on whether I needed to make any New Year's Fool's Day resolutions. This is what I came up with.

I need to write more positive uplifting posts. (Post memes, they always make a difference in people's lives).

I need to focus less on people's highly visible faults and more on their positive characteristics. (What if they don't have any?)

I need to be less sardonic. (More cynicism, please)

Just because mockery is my best method of character description doesn't mean I shouldn't do it all the time. (Always show your best side.)

I am too argumentative. (No, I'm not.)

I am not nearly as funny as I think I am. (I'll be the judge of that.)

Happy New Year's Fool's Day!!

You're welcome.

Love,
Dio
6 Comments
What the Fuck, Canada?
Posted:Dec 14, 2019 8:30 am
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2020 8:16 pm
8741 Views

According to the New World Magnetic Model, earth's magnetic north is shifting at an unprecedented rate of 30 miles per year towards Siberia and away from Canada. What the fuck? They can't even hold on to magnetic north for more than a couple thousand years?

And now I see that Americans have the top four Active Blogs (unique responses) slots all locked up.

C'mon Canucks, you've got to step up your game.
24 Comments
Dio Turns a Leaf ...
Posted:Nov 30, 2019 3:59 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2020 7:49 am
8608 Views


We recently celebrated and are in the midst of continuing the celebration of Thanksgiving. A time we are supposed to be grateful for the things we have in our respective lives to be thankful for. In that spirit, I am writing a post that is more upbeat than most. Someone on the site will remind me, of this I am sure, that the title of my blog being “not so fuzzy”, this post is too touchy feely. Sorry to disappoint, I write what is on my mind.

This is an amazing site to blog on. There is a vast assortment of people on here that we have no idea who of they are, what they know or where they work.

There might be a rocket scientist that can blog about anything they want. Now they probably know that their specialized field of expertise isn’t particularly interesting to most of us. Information like that would go right over my head. I know that, so do they. It's supposed to. Instead, they could write a post we could all learn from. I don’t know, maybe the most energy efficient method of cleaning a toilet. A mundane topic to be sure, but it’s something we all have to do at least a couple of times a year. How to save time and energy articles are always interesting to me. When I'm not wasting time and take the time to read one.

That topic might be a tad tedious to someone that cleans toilets for a living because they're an expert commode cleaner. They already know the tricks of the trade. But therein lies the beauty of this site, a janitor can blog about something else they find stimulating. Maybe funny things that happened on their job. I don’t care who you are, everyone enjoys a little bathroom humor now and again.

Another benefit is that anyone can blog about anything even when they know nothing about what they’re blogging about. How many posts have you read written about how to have successful relationships and the writer admits earlier they’ve never had one? Or sexy subjects and confessing celibacy for decades a post or two back? There are hundreds of these intellectual posts on the site to peruse due to the diversity of the membership.

In fact, I’m wasting precious time writing this right now when I could be learning how to clean that toilet quickly and efficiently. Christmas is right around the corner. Seems like I just cleaned it on the Fourth. Time does fly.
6 Comments
Did I Miss Something?
Posted:Oct 21, 2019 6:30 pm
Last Updated:Jan 31, 2020 7:42 pm
10911 Views



Did the site send out secret decoder rings or something for some of these current posts? Us lowly standards didn't get one?

What the fuck?

I saw one that promised to cross eight literary genres. Something for everyone. So I clicked it. I didn't see eight fucking letters strung together that made any sense.

It's like reading a crossword puzzle. Or a Jumble without the clue.

Just block me already and take me out of my misery. Please.

I'm going crazy trying to solve it.

Fuck.

13 Comments

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