NSA (No Strings Attached)
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Posted:Dec 17, 2015 11:16 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2015 1:54 pm
4632 Views
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NSA. No Strings Attached.
Not a single rat's ass given or received by anyone involved. The dynamic is merely an agreement between two people to have sex and no feelings of any kind will ever be involved. Asking or expecting more than just sex is a direct violation of your agreement. It is and always will be just about sex. Anyone can walk away at any time, and for any reason. If there's no contact for any length of time, then there's no calling to check in, no swinging by to see if the other person is okay, nothing.
There's no settling down, no discussing making a family.
The Penultimate in dynamics.
Or is it?
While there are many benefits to an NSA dynamic (it can help a person get over heartache, it can help a person work on their communication, it can even bring a person out of their shell), there's many dangers as well.
Folks tend to become so wrapped up in the idea of no ties, no strings, no responsibility, that they forget the other red flags. NSA dynamics are not a ticket to have multiple sex partners in a single night, nor are they license to treat sexual partners as nothing more than cum dumpsters or sperm sponges, disrespecting the person you just spent time with. See? There's that communication aspect again.
Another downside is developing the expectation that ALL relationships will be just as shallow, just as meaningless, just as blah as an NSA dynamic. They are often treated like speed dating: A certain amount of time is given to the initial contact, and if there's no sign of initiating sex, then the person interested in an NSA dynamic moves on to someone who will clearly reciprocate. There's no connection, nothing interesting in a person who is only looking for a sex-specific, NSA dynamic, and it leads a person wanting more (usually the person they "hooked up" with).
If all that's wanted is commitment-free sex, I can manage that with the toys in my toy box, my two hands, and some porn.
The ideal NSA dynamic should consist of two people who care about one another, have a great time when they're together, but aren't hellbent on having any relationship or future together. They know it's temporary (however temporary "temporary" is, whether it's 3 months, 6 months, a year, or whatever), they communicate openly and honestly about what's happening in their dynamic, and they know when it's time to call it quits and walk away. When they're in the dynamic, there's no jealousy or emotional attachment (aside from attraction and possibly affection) and when they are not together, they are leading their own lives.
Not everyone is made for this Dynamic, or that of the oft-touted Friends with Benefits. If you're looking for reliability, steadfastness, the fairy tale, then I would suggest you set your sights on those nice young men and women who share your ideals. If you're looking for a way to have fun and meet new people, while expanding your ability to trust and communicate, this could be the right dynamic for you.
As long as you come into it with eyes wide open.
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These Are The Days
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Posted:Dec 9, 2015 11:37 pm
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2016 11:38 am
4491 Views
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It's that time of year again.
Well, it's later than that time of year again. I'm a few weeks late. No, not THAT kind of late. I mean I'm a few weeks behind on being a sadomasochistic cross between Betty Fuckin' Crocker and Popcorn Sutton (or is that Al Capone?), whippin' up delicious delights of all kinds.
On the baking schedule: Chocolate Crinkles, Peanut Butter and Cocoa No Bakes, Peanut Butter Fudge, Bourbon Balls, Snickerdoodles, Molasses Cookies, Peppermint Bark, Peanut and Coconut Butter Treats, Sweet Potato Pie.
On the side of alcohol: Apple Pie, Kahlua, Joie, Limoncello, Atomic Fireball.
There was a time I would make pounds of fudge and dozens of cookies, package them up, and send them overseas. Unfortunately, those days are long gone. So I make them for the Veterans in my life, and listen to them talk about their bygone days.
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Thankful
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Posted:Nov 26, 2015 1:57 am
Last Updated:Sep 10, 2018 11:33 pm
4625 Views
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I'm thankful for the fact my fairy tail relationship ended when it did. If it hadn't, I would still be involved with someone who openly admitted to not having the courage to bring up pressing issues, and who was willing to allow things to coast along because "it was easier" rather than deal with them head on.
More importantly, I am so incredibly thankful that my relationship ended because I would never have met the interesting, vibrant, vital men I've opened my life to, nor would I have been able to re-connect with long lost friends, nor would I have had the incredible opportunity to restore a piece of history.
I'm thankful that I was able to see the arrival of my grand-niece, and to see news of my eldest nephew's wedding. I'm immensely grateful to my family for their help, love, and support in my times of need; to those in my Clan who came when I needed them; to the Warriors in my life for their knowledge, wisdom, and support.
Amidst of all this goodness, I must admit I'm thankful for all of the backstabbers and liars, the ne'er-do-wells and the sycophants, the fakes and the bullshitters. Each and every single one of you teach me valuable lessons each day you darken my world with your presence.
Most importantly, I'm immensely thankful to Karma, the Fates, the Furies, the Morrigan, Hecate, Kali, all the Dark Ones for Their constant guidance and presence in my life. For without them, I would scarce know what to do with myself.
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To the Soldier, To the Veteran
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Posted:Nov 11, 2015 12:10 am
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2015 11:51 pm
4226 Views
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These things I do not know:
The sound of a bullet. The power of a blast. The blood of a comrade. The depth of your wound. The terror at midnight. The dread at dawn. Your fear or your pain.
These things I know:
The sound of your honor. The power of your courage. The blood of your wound. The depth of your strength. The terror that binds you. The dread that remains. Your dignity and your valor.
For these things we pray:
The sound of your laughter. The power of your voice. The blood of your yearning. The depth of your healing. The joy that frees you. The hope that remains. Your wholeness and your love.
To all of the Veterans who have served in our Armed Forces, thank you, from the deepest recesses of my proud heart.
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Fun and The Most Important Sexual Organ...
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Posted:Nov 4, 2015 11:45 am
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 3:35 am
4160 Views
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I look at the profiles on this site and I'm seeing a recurring theme: Most of the males are asking for the same thing...FUN! Do any of them know what fun is? Do they know that what may be fun for them may not be fun for anyone else?
For instance:
I enjoy stimulation. Ok, you pervs... While I love THAT kind of stimuli, the most important kind is that of the mind. You know, intelligence, smarts. The brain is, in my opinion, the single most important sexual organ in the human body. Once that's engaged, everything else will fall into place.
It seems to me that males are all but bypassing this in favor of strictly physical NSA, drama-free wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am fucktoy moments in order to add more notches to their bedposts (or whatever it is they are using). They are forgetting the art of romance, of making a woman feel cherished and adored and wanted, even if there's no relationship. Fucking multiple women in rapid succession doesn't prove manliness or virility. It proves nothing more than a wanton need to stick your dick into any hole that presents itself.
Even in my FWB dynamics, the other person's emotions and well-being are never ignored or mistreated. Nor should they ever be. The first word in that dynamic is FRIENDS. Anything less would be fuckbuddies or playtoy (even then, I cherished mine).
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Going Dutch
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Posted:Oct 28, 2015 7:17 pm
Last Updated:Nov 3, 2015 2:42 am
3168 Views
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"Going Dutch" is a term that indicates that each person participating in a group activity pays for themselves, rather than any person paying for anyone else, particularly in a restaurant bill. It is also called Dutch date, Dutch treat (the oldest form) and "doing Dutch".
There are two possible senses—each person paying their own expenses, or the entire bill being split (divided evenly) between all participants. In strict usage, "Going Dutch" refers to the former, paying one's own expenses, and the latter is referred to as "splitting the bill", but in casual usage these may both be referred to as "going Dutch".
A derivative is "Sharing Dutch", which stands for having a joint ownership of luxury goods. For example: four people share the ownership of a plane, boat, car or any other sharable high-end product. This in order to minimize cost, sharing the same passion for that particular product and to have the maximum usage of this product.
Now, with this being said, let me tell you what it's like when this happens in a sexual sense.
First off, one would have to agree on allowing a second party access to one's "goods". Then, the second party would have to have their way with your "goods" until THEY are satisfied, either once or several times. Nowhere in this situation does it state that YOU are the one being satisfied or that your needs are being met, unless you take matters into your own hands... literally.
This completely supercedes ALL matters involving dynamics such as Friends with Benefits or fuck buddies, because even then all parties involved would be taken care of. In either of these dynamics, both parties care enough about each other to ensure that both are pleased beyond measure by the time the act is finished.
"Going Dutch" in regards to sex does not do anyone any good in the long run. Everyone looking out for themselves and to hell with anyone else. All it does is make for some unhappy, unsatisfied folks who bring baggage from one encounter to another. And we all do that, don't lie. The whole idea behind sexual encounters is to enjoy ourselves and each other, and to have a great time, perhaps even connect with one or more human beings, and we cannot do that if we are too busy worrying about "getting ours" before anyone else gets theirs. Talk about selfishness personified.
So, when one party promises another party that their world would be rocked, and that they would achieve multiple orgasms, that they would be their number one girl, and and and... but suddenly there was nothing of the sort, it's much like "going Dutch." It's kin to being regarded as nothing more than a cum dumpster by a twatwaffle who used flowery language to get what HE wanted so he could move on to something (or someone) else, tossing you to the side like so many used tissues. Only the guy gets his, the woman gets nothing but empty promises (as per usual) and is left to clean up the mess while the guy goes about his business reeling in another fish, leaving her in silence and confusion because of the promises and plans that were made.
Such is "going Dutch".
I don't want to "go Dutch" ever again.
I'll take care of myself, if I've a need to (which is often...VERY often). That way I know it's done right.
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Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Over???
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Posted:Oct 27, 2015 3:36 pm
Last Updated:Nov 3, 2015 2:42 am
3177 Views
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Interesting how things happen.
Met a young man - a veteran - who all but begged me to come over. He gave me an incorrect address, and then acted shocked when I called him on it. We met for coffee at a busy store in the wee hours of the morning, had what I thought was a wonderful time, and then his communication skills dropped off suddenly.
Hm.
Met another young man - another veteran - who came over and it seemed we had a good time and got off (pardon the pun) on the right foot together. In fact, a lot of claims and plans were made, and it was all good. Then, some shit happened in his life, a lot of "I'll hit you up in the morning, baby" lines flowed my way, and nothing came of any of it. I did my best to maintain communication with him and received absolutely nothing for my efforts, aside from silence. (I know, I know, sometimes silence IS an answer.)
Well then...
Along comes an older Veteran, one who oozed a bit more culture and class and sophistication... or at least level-headed common fucking sense. We communicate back and forth, talk about deep dark fantasies, and when I ask for reciprocation... BAM... nothing. Absolute radio silence.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over???
Can ANYONE have the testicular fortitude to stick to it and see through what they've begun? Apparently this is no longer being instilled or cultivated.
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I am who I Am
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Posted:Oct 21, 2015 11:50 am
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2015 1:53 am
2942 Views
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I am who I am. No more. No less.
I'm broken, scarred, dented, bent, and twisted. Fuck, I'm downright dark.
I know that many of the people I meet are much the same way, whether they admit to it or not. I've come across a few people who surpass me when it comes to that darkness, and I must sit back and admire their ability to make it through their every day without losing their minds.
When I talk to someone, anyone, I take them at face value. I expect them to do no less with me. What I do not appreciate is when someone discounts my personal experiences, my personal knowledge, without ever having taken the time to truly find out the depth of it. The blanket phrase "You don't know what it's like" immediately springs to mind. How the fuck would ANY OF YOU KNOW if you don't take the fucking time find out what my knowledge base is, or my skill set?
For instance:
So often I'm asked if I'm military. Absolutely NOT. I'm a civilian. I did everything I could to enlist, and could not - COULD NOT - get past MEPS, failing for the same exact reason. So, I chose to serve in other ways. I've spent the last 20+ years helping my friends, who are Veterans, acclimate to civilian life. I was their foundation, their pillar, their sounding board, their late night call, their safe haven.
Over the course of those 2 decades, my mindset changed to reflect those of the men I regularly interacted with. I found myself preferring their company over that of civilian, simply because the latter didn't "get" me. When I received my own diagnosis of non-combat PTSD, my Veteran friends were among the first to hear, and their support was immediate and heartwarming.
When I speak to a Veteran that is outside my circle, it's like approaching a strange animal (It is both the correct and incorrect analogy, so bear with me). I know all the right moves to make, I know the right things to say, I know the proper appoach. Even with ALL of my knowledge, ALL of my experience, it's a 50/50 chance I will be bitten, usually by the Veteran. There's also a 70/30 chance that the Vet will be spooked into running away by my comfort around him, my ease with his demeanor, and my willingness to speak up and call him out on his shit (and expectation and willingness that I be called out on my own).
When the rare occurrence happens that I meet a Vet that I jive with, I hold nothing back, I leave nothing in the reserve tank. If he contacts me with a personal issue, I'm right there, offering support, even if it's just bringing him dinner. If he's dead silent for a couple of days, I'm checking up on him. I don't care if I've known him for 10 days or 100 days. I'm often told it's because I'm being needy, yet when I do this with the Vets in my circle, it's looking out for my brothers. If it was another Vet doing this, it would be okay, because another Vet would KNOW, ya know?
The complaint oft-heard: "We can't find women who understand what we're dealing with, who will accept us now that we've changed." (Sound familiar?) Well. When one comes walking into your life, plain-dealing and swearing like a sailor, honest and true as the day is long, and you toss her to the side because she doesn't fit what YOU believe YOU should have, you did it to yourself.
Do not discount the gift before you simply because it doesn't come in the gaudy wrapping that has become so common nowadays.
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Backburner
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Posted:Oct 13, 2015 12:51 pm
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 3:35 am
2961 Views
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I understand that, on sites such as this, there's to be something of a "curve". For every decent person, there are at least 10 not-so-decent people that attempt to initiate conversation and/or show their true colors.
Then there are those who make it past the screening process (whatever kind of process there happens to be), and then make themselves at home, and start stinking up the place with their particular brand of funk that you somehow didn't notice when you were working the door. Those are the ones that make you wonder where the stench is coming from as you look high and low, the ones who wear that innocent look on their faces as they "bask in the ambience" of their own aroma, then have the nerve, the unmitigated gall, to look offended when you track it down to them and haul their nasty asses out of your sacred space once and for all.
Where is all of this headed? Allow me to explain.
I recently came across someone who appeared to be the type of playtoy that made my little black heart jump for joy. The kind to fulfill just about every deep dark desire I could ever hope for. That is... Until the disappearing acts. Until the excuses. Until the backing out. Until that little gnome in my head started raising those tiny little red flags he carries in his pockets for JUST such an emergency. Now, I may not learn wisely, but I know I learn well. Everything happens for a reason, indeed it does, and now I sit back and watch as this one plays out.
There's a reason for a back burner on a stove, and the "low" setting on the dial. That's right where this one is going to be for a good, long while.
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Fuckin' Fakers
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Posted:Oct 10, 2015 2:13 pm
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2024 3:35 am
2924 Views
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My time, at least to me, is precious.
If I believe you worthy enough to start a conversation on messenger or in text, don't waste my time by trailing of into the void and not reciprocating.
Don't believe for one second that you have me hooked simply because we've changed venues or modes of communication. No, sirree. That means it's time to up your game, so to speak. Take it up a notch. Step up.
For fuck's sake, at the very least maintain!!!
If you are unable to maintain a conversation through messenger or text, then how in the blue Hell are you intending on maintaining one face-to-face??? Life and lifestyle cannot survive on kink alone.
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Epiphanies
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Posted:Oct 10, 2015 11:29 am
Last Updated:Oct 14, 2015 11:46 am
2740 Views
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There was a time when I used to dream of being protected and swept off my feet and cared for as though I were someone cherished and loved and wanted.
I would sometimes spend hours surfing the internet or thumbing through magazines staring at wedding dresses and dreaming about how I would want my dream wedding. It was a guilty pleasure, and one I would keep to myself. My friends would get married off, and I would feel a twinge of pain, watching the beautiful brides, so happy, so beautiful, so loved.
Growing up, all I had ever wanted was to be happy.
Now, as an adult, I find that I must go to extremes in order to fulfill such a simple request.
I find I don't trust as easily anymore, that I prefer my feet to be firmly planted on the ground, that I've had to become quite adept at protecting myself, because I found I could no longer believe in those in which I had placed my faith and trust.
As for weddings, well, I wish those the best of luck who truly believe it will work out for them. The jury's still out when it comes to this old warhorse.
I know this all sounds rather dark and dismal, but in reality the truth isn't all unicorn farts, roses, and sunshine, is it? No. There are times when it's rather shitty and nasty and wickedly sharp. Some of us who tend to have the bad habit of speaking it are often in need of people who are willing to strap on some armor and brave the onslaught.
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