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How to Chat up Women in IM  

Devlynne 43F
93 posts
7/8/2019 3:28 pm
How to Chat up Women in IM


Many men seem a loss as how approach women on Instant Messenger efficiently and effectively. In order accomplish your goals in chatting you first must determine what they are. Some folks are looking meet right away. Others have a future date in mind. Some just enjoy chatting. I generally use Instant Messenger and get know members and also too meet prospective playmates. Much time is wasted in endless conversation that seems to go nowhere. I am happy to initiate conversation but as a woman I the man take the lead. The most effective conversations I have had here have lasted fifteen minutes tops. In this time it is possible to assess areas of common interest, what people seek here and to arrange a time to meet in person to see where things lead. This is a format for chatting I have found to be most effective:

1. Open with a polite compliment

“I love your pics”

“Your profile really grabbed my attention”

“I love what you wrote on your profile page.”

2. Ask if the interested party would like to chat

“Care to chat?”

“Would you like to chat a bit and see where things lead?”

3. Ask about fun topics

There are many ways to get to know a person. Because the site is about fun and recreation I usually steer clear of questions about work.

“How long have you been a member here?”

“Had any good dates here lately?”

“What do you like to do for fun?”

In general I steer clear of talk about sexual matters here as much as possible.
This is because my goal here is to meet. I have found that some guys like to get women here to talk about sex with them and then not meet up later. My time is limited and precious and my objective is to meet.

4. Determine Subject’s Goals in Being Here

“What are you looking for here?”

“What brings you to AdultFriendFinder?”

5. Arrange to Meet in Real Life

“I’d love to get to know you better would you like to meet?”

“I’d love to take you out for drinks or coffee if you’re game.”

“Would you like to get together this weekend?”

BE SPECIFIC. NAIL DOWN A DATE A TIME AND A PLACE.

6. Determine Arrangements for Intimacy

Never assume that anyone can host or is up for hosting.
Ask thoughtful questions to determine how to plan for best possible outcomes after meeting.

“If things go well this weekend are you able to host?”

“After we meet for drinks my place is cozy.”

“I’m up for springing for a hotel if things go that way.”

KEEP THINGS BRIEF.

NEVER GUARANTEE SEX OR PRESS FOR SEX TO BE GUARANTEED.

Sex is still an act of intimacy even casually. You don’t always know if you will want to hook up with someone unless and until you have the chance to meet them. Aim to promise and over deliver so you don’t disappoint your prospective mate.

BRING PROTECTION. I always bring my preferred method of protection on a first date just in case. Men should be responsible and courteous and provide a selection of protection for their prospective partners choose from. Be prepared and think for best possible outcomes. You never know where things will lead.

HAMONMAN 60M
10172 posts
7/8/2019 3:53 pm

I think you should one for woman too.


Devlynne replies on 7/8/2019 6:19 pm:
Thanks! Really this could be used for either gender it cuts both ways...

zebulauno 49M
9 posts
7/8/2019 3:55 pm

Yeps ..agree


shadowtoo69 65M  
934 posts
7/8/2019 4:00 pm

Is all very well written and true for either sex but one should never assume that a TROLL can read.


Devlynne replies on 7/8/2019 6:18 pm:
All we can ever do is try...

cocklikerock1369 48M
43 posts
7/8/2019 4:07 pm

good tips ty


CARROTSPIRAL6969 31M
125 posts
7/8/2019 4:07 pm

yes i agree with everthing on your blog post


Devlynne replies on 7/8/2019 4:46 pm:
Thanks for stopping by!

ltrskr 72M  
4280 posts
7/8/2019 4:28 pm

Great guide for IM!


Devlynne replies on 7/8/2019 4:46 pm:
Thank you!

Fuklikedogs 49M
1605 posts
7/8/2019 4:31 pm

KISS acronym


Devlynne replies on 7/8/2019 6:17 pm:
Every Single Time...

luckyhands21 42M
289 posts
7/8/2019 4:34 pm

Yea thats all fine and good but even common courtesy or casual compliments go unanswered. Most of the time women are bombarded with instant messaging that they can't answer them all. Or......

They just don't answer


Devlynne replies on 7/8/2019 4:48 pm:
I was told once that there are 45 men for every one woman on this site.
Never take silence personally. Get creative in the ways you reach out to prospective mates. Thanks for stopping by!

HOTCLAUDE 53M  
7 posts
7/8/2019 4:42 pm

great tips n pointers


Js2nght 52M
10 posts
7/8/2019 4:54 pm

nice job, i try to always be polite but sometimes i think it is my downfall, nice to hear a woman perspective.


Devlynne replies on 7/8/2019 6:16 pm:
Politeness in the sexes is rare in general and a major panty dropper for me!

doggydog65 56M
42 posts
7/8/2019 4:56 pm

Dam do I feel like a loser now..thanks for the tips.


Devlynne replies on 7/8/2019 5:44 pm:
Never feel bad we are all here learning. Practice makes perfect, dear...

BBLog4u 39M
1 post
7/8/2019 4:57 pm

I absolutely agree. Great post and very useful. Thanks!!!


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
7/8/2019 5:22 pm

I agree with you keeping the conversation short and to the point.... but not some of these other points......

1. Open with a polite compliment .... NO! There is no need to compliment a woman, whom a man has no intimate history with. She knows why you contacted her. Just get to it!

2. Ask if the interested party would like to chat ... .No!... Just introduce yourself and tell her what's on your mind.

“Care to chat?” ..“Would you like to chat a bit and see where things lead?” ... NO! ....This questioning is weak. Take charge and get to your point of contacting her.

3. Ask about fun topics ...“How long have you been a member here?”...“Had any good dates here lately?” ..... No! .... Time here doesn't matter... if she has had any good dates doesn't matter, and really none of your disembodied typist business. Just TELL her why you contacted her, and tell her what's on your mind, telling her your city location may be helpful .

“What do you like to do for fun?” ..... Fucking lame! Really doesn't matter. If you pass qualification when you meet, you can talk about that.

In general I steer clear of talk about sexual matters here as much as possible. ... No, he can say what he's after. Some women are stupid and blown away when she is in contact with a man on a sex site and later finds out he wants to have sex.

This is because my goal here is to meet. ... Great.. then tell him, "We'll discuss that in person, when I meet you".

4. Determine Subjects Goals in Being Here .... Yes, by telling Subjects your goals for contacting her, "I want to meet a woman to have sex" ... but don't ask, “What are you looking for here?”.. “What brings you to AdultFriendFinder?”. Don't be lame. This is a sex site. Tell each other what your objective is, right now.

5. Arrange to Meet in Real Life .... Yes... get to it. Location and time, today or tomorrow. Not days and weeks later.

“I’d love to get to know you better would you like to meet?” ... No! .... Don't ask , would she like to meet. Just tell her you want to meet her. No need to be lame, saying , "I love get to know you better". This is all a kind of "Duh" scenario.

“I’d love to take you out for drinks or coffee if you’re game.” .... [No!... You're not taking her out for drinks. If she wants a drink , she can buy it. You are meeting with the woman to see if the "In person chemistry" is there. Don't say, "If you are game"... this makes you look unsure and weak.

“Would you like to get together this weekend?” ...NO!.... Absolutely do NOT spend your weekends meeting new prospects. "Weekends" are for "Sure situation". People you know will put out. You do not want to waste a perfectly good weekend meeting someone only to find out the person doesn't show, or after lengthy conversation, is not interested in having sex [with you].

BE SPECIFIC. NAIL DOWN A DATE A TIME AND A PLACE. .... Yes!... But have at least two potential places, to meet, ready. You don't want to hesitate on this. You DON'T want to ask her where she wants to meet. That's weak. ......You tell her a suggested time and place. If she doesn't like that, she should have her own time and place in mind.

6. Determine Arrangements for Intimacy ....NO!... Don't get ahead of your self.... start with step one..."1.. Meet first". ... Then go , or don't go, from there.

“If things go well this weekend are you able to host?” ... This is question you can talk about after you've met.

“After we meet for drinks my place is cozy.” ... No... You're not meeting for drinks.. if she wants one, she can buy her own drink... Don't mention anything about your place. Begin with step one..".1. Meet first".

“I’m up for springing for a hotel if things go that way.” ....No.... see step one. And if you do go to a motel or hotel.... you both should pay half.

BRING PROTECTION. .... Bring one or three condoms. Don't trust her condoms, she may have put a pin hole in them. And, like camping, when you go , take your used condom. Don't leave it with the woman.


Devlynne replies on 7/8/2019 5:52 pm:
This is my perspective as a woman. It is appropriate to ask to chat first because a woman might not be interested or have time. It is appropriate to arrange a place for intimacy prior to meeting because if you click you don’t want to have to deal with complications you just go with the flow. Everyone’s time is valuable and women have options. There are 45 men for every one woman on this website. Prospective suitors are set apart by offering to take a woman out for drinks. It is not productive to chat about sex because unless you have met them already you don’t know if they are representing themselves accurately or who they really are. I have been active on this site for six years and met dozens of people successfully here. In every case this is the formula that works best.

Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
7/8/2019 7:03 pm

Devlynne replies on 7/8/2019 5:52 pm:
This is my perspective as a woman. It is appropriate to ask to chat first because a woman might not be interested or have time. It is appropriate to arrange a place for intimacy prior to meeting because if you click you don’t want to have to deal with complications you just go with the flow. Everyone’s time is valuable and women have options. There are 45 men for every one woman on this website. Prospective suitors are set apart by offering to take a woman out for drinks. It is not productive to chat about sex because unless you have met them already you don’t know if they are representing themselves accurately or who they really are. I have been active on this site for six years and met dozens of people successfully here. In every case this is the formula that works best.

This is my perspective as a woman. It is appropriate to ask to chat first because a woman might not be interested or have time. .... Okay, it's a woman's perspective, but as a male, adhering to your perspective, he would be weak. It is not appropriate to ask if she wants to chat. .... When a woman is not interested in chatting, nor has time..... that's for her to announce, or not answer at all.

It is appropriate to arrange a place for intimacy prior to meeting ... No, really it is not. That's getting ahead of himself.

because if you click you don’t want to have to deal with complications .... No complication. He should plan ahead. Know what available hotels or motels are close by.... She can plan ahead, too, if she put in her input of where to meet.

Everyone’s time is valuable and women have options. ... That's right, and that's why the male should set up a meeting right now..... not days and weeks in the future.

Prospective suitors are set apart by offering to take a woman out for drinks. ... No reason to buy her drinks, no reason to treat her as a woman of the night.....and he's not actually a "Suitor", he wants sex, and most likely will be seeing other women, as well. The hope and goal is, she wants to have sex with him. No reason to buy drinks and spend his money . You can split the price of the room.

It is not productive to chat about sex because unless you have met them already you don’t know if they are representing themselves accurately or who they really are. .... That's right. But more importantly, you don't know if you can stomach sitting across from him, yet.

I have been active on this site for six years and met dozens of people successfully here. ... Great... but from a males perspective, a male on IM shouldn't "Ask" those listed questions... doesn't need to spend his money on her. This collaboration is for mutual enjoyment.

In every case this is the formula that works best..... That's right... and for men: Case one: Don't approach the woman like you are asking for a favor. Case two: Split the cost of hotel room, don't buy her stuff.


Devlynne replies on 7/8/2019 7:33 pm:
Your position respectfully points to that of a cheap, unrefined and self i terested male pursuing his perceived self interest in a cheap and selfish way. Thoughtfulness, sincerity, politeness, openness and thoroughness are things that women respond to.
Partners need to think in terms of being equipped and willing to do things to make the lives of prospective partners better. Yes this includes engaging in thoughtful ways, demonstrating interest, being polite and a willingness to spend money on drinks.

Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
7/8/2019 8:20 pm

Devlynne replies on 7/8/2019 7:33 pm:
Your position respectfully points to that of a cheap, unrefined and self i terested male pursuing his perceived self interest in a cheap and selfish way. Thoughtfulness, sincerity, politeness, openness and thoroughness are things that women respond to.
Partners need to think in terms of being equipped and willing to do things to make the lives of prospective partners better. Yes this includes engaging in thoughtful ways, demonstrating interest, being polite and a willingness to spend money on drinks.


Your position respectfully points to that of a cheap, unrefined and self i terested male pursuing his perceived self interest in a cheap and selfish way. ..... That's correct. "Cheap"...my money, is my money! The woman wants to have sex or she does not want to have sex. Nobody is forcing her.

You have money, if you want something to drink, buy it.... if you want to have sex with a man, chip in and pay for half..... You're not a prostitute. Don't pretend that you are.
Men should not be spending money for sex, unless he is with a prostitute.

What's the woman's perceived self interest? See how much a man will spend on her? Or isn't her interest the same as his.. to get some sex? Wouldn't "Sex" be why she agrees to meet with him, or are you saying , "She agrees to meet with him, to get free drinks, and not have to chip in for the room"?

Thoughtfulness, sincerity, politeness, openness and thoroughness are things that women respond to. .... So you're looking for an excuse to get free drinks and and not pitch in for your part of the pleasure?

"Thoughtfulness"... he's made a plan, he wants sex.
"Sincerity".... he's sincere he wants sex.
"Politeness"... he's not going to force himself on you.
"Openess".... he has invited you to meet with him to talk to him in person.
"Thoroughness".... he knows what hotel and motel are nearby.

That's what you [the woman] is responding to. Right?

Women also respond to confidence. So he should not be "Asking" for permission to chat with you, nor to meet with you. You are invited to chat with him and you are invited to meet with him.
You're all grown up.
Make a decision, chat , meet, have sex, pay for your own drinks, pay for half the cost of the room.

Partners need to think in terms of being equipped and willing to do things to make the lives of prospective partners better. ..... One, you're not partners. You're a woman he wants to have sex with, AND Two; you're a woman who wants to have sex with him...... so make his life better; just say yes, and chip in.

Yes this includes engaging in thoughtful ways, ... He found you online , on a sex site. "Thoughtful.

demonstrating interest, .... He invited you to meet , to see if you agree to have sex.

being polite .... He's not forcing himself on you.

and a willingness to spend money on drinks. .... No reason he should. If you're thirsty or uptight, buy your own drinks. ....also pay for half the cost on the room. That's your willingness to have fun with him... not make him pay for you.


Devlynne 43F
59 posts
7/9/2019 5:04 am

A woman’s perceived self interests is having fun and making choices that include increasing her quality of life. Offering to buy a woman drinks demonstrates that you appreciate that her time is valuable and that you would like her to choose to spend some of it in your company. Offering to buy a woman drinks to get to know her better is not prostitution. Life costs money. Recreation costs money. Peoples time is valuable. If you are the one asking a woman out don’t assume she either has the money or is interested in spending the money in getting to know you. Some women will and will insist on paying for their own drinks. However it is respectful, courteous and best practice to offer to pay. I suggest you read my earlier blog “What’s It Worth.”


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
7/9/2019 12:46 pm

    Quoting Devlynne:
    A woman’s perceived self interests is having fun and making choices that include increasing her quality of life. Offering to buy a woman drinks demonstrates that you appreciate that her time is valuable and that you would like her to choose to spend some of it in your company. Offering to buy a woman drinks to get to know her better is not prostitution. Life costs money. Recreation costs money. Peoples time is valuable. If you are the one asking a woman out don’t assume she either has the money or is interested in spending the money in getting to know you. Some women will and will insist on paying for their own drinks. However it is respectful, courteous and best practice to offer to pay. I suggest you read my earlier blog “What’s It Worth.”
You seem to think there is something special about a woman. There isn't.

A woman’s perceived self interests is having fun and making choices that include increasing her quality of life ... So is a man's perceived self interest is having fun and making choices that include increasing his quality of life.

Offering to buy a woman drinks demonstrates ... he's stupid. The woman has her own money to spend. A man money is more valuable than the woman's, money because for a man, "Money" is power. For a woman, "Money" is independence from men. Today , women have their own money. No reason at all a man would buy a woman drinks. Buy it yourself babe.

that you appreciate that her time is valuable... His time is more valuable. You buy your own drinks.

and that you would like her to choose to spend some of it in your company..... There are several ways to choose a woman for company.... Take her by the arm and throw her in the seat next to you, or pay her money [prostitution: buying her drinks, food, or just giving her cash]....or saying, "SIT"...or saying hello and inviting her to sit with you.

Offering to buy a woman drinks to get to know her better is not prostitution. ... Actually it is. You mentioned a woman's time is valuable, and he should pay for that time. That's prostitution.

Prostitution is not always about sex, it can be only about buying the woman's time for attention , and if a man buys you anything to keep your attention, that is prostitution. Are you a prostitute? If you are, then you make sense... if not, then you can buy your own drinks, and anything else.

Life costs money. .... That it does! And he works hard for his money to enjoy his life. You , having absolutely no intimate, nor personal , history with the man, are not entitled to his money in any form of gesture.


Recreation costs money. .... Yes, but unless you are a prostitute, you are not "Recreation".

Peoples time is valuable. ... Yes, "Peoples". Men and women. Any sentient being's time is valuable.

If you are the one asking a woman out.... NEVER "Ask" a woman out. A man "Tells" a woman through "Inviting" her to join him....... A MAN, should never "Ask" women to be with him.


don’t assume she either has the money .... NO!!! This is 2019. She makes money, even if it's standing on street corners begging, prostitution, babysitting, engineer , teacher, banker, real estate, secretary, or running a company.....she has her own money for a drink.

[Don't assume she]... is interested in spending the money in getting to know you. .... If she's not interested, she can say she isn't interested. ...........Getting to know someone shouldn't/doesn't cost money. Why should it?

Some women will and will insist on paying for their own drinks. .... insist or not, she is going to buy her own drinks.

However it is respectful,...to offer to pay ... No, it's weak. What respect? The woman has not even yet earned his respect to get his money.

courteous .... Really? She can be courteous and use her OWN money.

and best practice to offer to pay. ... Sure, if he's haggling with a prostitute over a price for a blowjob.

I suggest you read my earlier blog “What’s It Worth.” ... I'll do that.

Women are not "Worth" anything to a man, until such time she becomes important emotionally and personally to him.

There is absolutely NO REASON to buy a woman a drink , to get to know her.


Devlynne 43F
59 posts
7/9/2019 1:21 pm

Instead of arguing with me about a woman’s perspective that you seem uninterested in being exposed to why not use the time trying to get laid.


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
7/9/2019 2:45 pm

    Quoting Devlynne:
    Instead of arguing with me about a woman’s perspective that you seem uninterested in being exposed to why not use the time trying to get laid.
This isn't an argument.. this is a Socratic discussion.

Getting laid doesn't take "Trying" ... I have women for that. As for a woman's perspective? ... You make the "Woman's" perspective seem as though she is entitled , without effort, to his money. ... That is prostitution, or at the very least , taking advantage of stupid men who like posing about pretending to play gentlemen , the white knight.

You girls have fought for equality for almost an entire century. Today , the woman is no longer a "Special person"... she's just as able as any man..... so cough it up sister. You want his company, or you don't... and you buy your own drinks and food, and entertainment tickets.. and for any trips you pay for half the gas , or your own boat/plane ticket.

A woman expecting a man to pay for her company and/or to get to know her? That's joke, now.


Devlynne replies on 7/9/2019 7:43 pm:
Offering to pay for a persons drink is a courtesy and one that is quite common.
It is not prostitution because you are providing a pleasant and very low cost I might add way for two people to get to know each other better and see where things might lead. If you read my article completely you would have seen that sex should never be guaranteed in meeting. It is impossible to know if the person you are dealing with here online is someone with whom you would like to be intimate with. About half the dates I have had with people from AdultFriendFinder do not end in intimacy for various reasons. If you wish to get to know anyone better under any circumstance and for any reason inviting them to drinks is a low cost, low commitment option. If you are the person to invite a person to drinks you should be prepared to pay for them. A woman will often pay her own tab to avoid feeling that she owes anyone anything. However general rule of thumb for inviting platonic, romantic or business partners of any gender out for drinks a meal, etc... is that if you are inviting them you should be prepared to pay.

Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
7/9/2019 8:39 pm

Devlynne replies on 7/9/2019 7:43 pm:
Offering to pay for a persons drink is a courtesy and one that is quite common.
It is not prostitution because you are providing a pleasant and very low cost I might add way for two people to get to know each other better and see where things might lead. If you read my article completely you would have seen that sex should never be guaranteed in meeting. It is impossible to know if the person you are dealing with here online is someone with whom you would like to be intimate with. About half the dates I have had with people from AdultFriendFinder do not end in intimacy for various reasons. If you wish to get to know anyone better under any circumstance and for any reason inviting them to drinks is a low cost, low commitment option. If you are the person to invite a person to drinks you should be prepared to pay for them. A woman will often pay her own tab to avoid feeling that she owes anyone anything. However general rule of thumb for inviting platonic, romantic or business partners of any gender out for drinks a meal, etc... is that if you are inviting them you should be prepared to pay.


Offering to pay for a persons drink is a courtesy .... There is no reason to extend this courtesy to woman. In fact this is an archaic courtesy, and a waste of man's money.

It is not prostitution ..... It is prostitution. You are accepting payment from a man, for your company, that's a form of prostitution.

because you are providing a pleasant and very low cost I might add way for two people to get to know each other better ,.... Getting to know each other should not cost the man any amount.

If you read my article completely you would have seen that sex should never be guaranteed in meeting. ... If you take money directly or indirectly [a drink/food], you're telling him you are sexually attracted to him, or you will have sex with him. Just like when a man invites you on a date, and you accept the invitation, you have just told him you are sexually attracted to him.


It is impossible to know if the person you are dealing with here online is someone with whom you would like to be intimate with. .... Correct. And since it's impossible to know without meeting first.... there should be no date-invite, but merely an invitation to meet. ...If you feel you need to drink? Buy your own drink.

About half the dates I have had with people from AdultFriendFinder do not end in intimacy for various reasons. .... In those cases, you were not on a date. There was no intimacy, no sex.. so it was not a date.

If you wish to get to know anyone better under any circumstance and for any reason inviting them to drinks is a low cost, low commitment option. .... To get to know someone, you have a cordial meeting. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever for a man to buy a woman he doesn't know, a drink.

If you are the person to invite a person to drinks you should be prepared to pay for them. .... Why would a man invite a woman to drinks? To get drunk? Sure. But if he doesn't know the woman, has no intimate history with the woman.... there is absolutely no reason to invite her to drinks.
The men who do invite unknown women out for drinks, is a fool. Somehow he has gotten the idea that buying an unknown woman drinks [food , gifts] will get her to want him more. Poor fool.

A woman will often pay her own tab to avoid feeling that she owes anyone anything. ... And that's the way it should be. In fact you should want to "Get to know him" on a clear head.

However general rule of thumb for inviting platonic, romantic or business partners of any gender out for drinks a meal, etc... is that if you are inviting them you should be prepared to pay. ..... No. Not anymore.

A platonic can buy their own drinks. One of your friendzoned males invites you out to get a drink....buy your own drink/ your own food, etc.

A business partner should buy their own drinks. There are sometimes company Ethics rules regarding paying for stuff for business partners.

A romantic, with a woman of sexual and intimate history? Sure. Buy her a drink.

But the woman, a man has never met before? Has no intimate history with? He should not be offering to buy her anything at all.

Getting to know a woman should cost nothing to the man who wants to get to know a woman. [The woman should] Be courteous and buy her own drink.


Devlynne 43F
59 posts
7/10/2019 5:58 am

You are existing in a world of delusion in which money has value only to yourself. People have the opportunity to use their money to create positive experiences for themselves in the company of other people. Last night I was out with my friend and bought her a drink. This was not prostitution but friendliness, generosity and camaraderie. You can choose not to be generous with your companions in general but the quality of your partners will be diminished considerably. If you want a good time with women do what it takes to create a good time for them. Most men are horny 24/7 and most women aren’t that hard up for sex. Incentives make the difference in whether you decide to spend valuable time in the company of a stranger who is not a known quantity or having fun other ways at home or put with friends. You can pursue your line of what you consider “dating” if you want to but your results will likely be less than optimal. Everything in life costs money even good times. It takes money to create a fun experience that is worth leaving the house for. In every facet of life you get what you pay for so why not splurge and ensure that even if you don’t hit it off everyone has a good time.


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
7/10/2019 2:45 pm

You are existing in a world of delusion in which money has value only to yourself. ...No.. You, and I , and all others, are existing in a world where currency is earned, and there are people who will take full advantage [or try to take full advantage] of those who have more currency than themselves.

Try this; for the next 2 months, you buy all the men a drink, who want to spend time with you , to get to know you. Of course for a woman, money is only a means to independence, but for a man, money is power. Without his money, women will ignore his existence. However, a woman without money, and some-what attractive, men will still try to get with her.

People have the opportunity to use their money to create positive experiences for themselves in the company of other people..... Sure.. Walt Disney used his money to create Disney Land. Michael Jackson used his money to create that Neverland Ranch. ....And of course men may use his money to pay for business with prostitutes.

Last night I was out with my friend and bought her a drink. This was not prostitution but friendliness, ... True...Now try that with one of the men you have "Friendzoned".

However, it becomes prostitution , when a woman, you, expects a man to buy her a drink. What if he doesn't buy you a drink, doesn't offer to pay for a drink for you, but only buys himself a drink? Is he now someone not worthy of knowing? Or can you be all grown up and buy your own drink and still get to know him?

You can choose not to be generous with your companions ... The difference is , I know my companions. The women companions, I've already seen them naked and have had sex with them. They've earned my generosity. ......While a woman, I notice, and want to get to know her, has not earned my generosity, I am in no way obligated to buy her anything.

in general but the quality of your partners will be diminished considerably. .... Don't use the word "Partners". Too vague. The quality of a woman who expects a man to buy her a drink, is already a diminished individual.

If you want a good time with women do what it takes to create a good time for them. .....And now you're soliciting prostitution again. Granted , women are for sex and entertainment, but getting to know a woman, does not require any man to pay for drink, food, or any kind of incentive gift. ............He should be able to "Get to know her" , just by introducing himself and having a talk.

Most men are horny 24/7 and most women aren’t that hard up for sex. ....So you're saying , "The drink" is the first installment to assure you will spread your legs?

True, men have a higher sex drive, and more often than women. But still if a man wants to get to know you , for whatever purpose....... he is not obligated to buy you a drink. You will sit there, with no drink bought by him, you will be friendly, you will listen to him, and you will get to know him....... IF you can't do that from the start, then wave him off.

Incentives make the difference in whether you decide to spend valuable time in the company of a stranger ... Yes, if she offers a blowjob, that's a good incentive to get a man to spend his time with her. If she expects compensation for that, then she's a prostitute.

But generally, and women know this to be true, when she makes herself up to be attractive, hides her gut, hides her blemishes, hides her bald spot, hides her body odor, hides her sagging breast..... she has created an incentive for a man to approach her. Now does the man have to pay for admission to get to know her? No... absolutely not.

or having fun other ways at home or put with friends. ... Out with friends, no special occasion, then friends can buy their own drinks.

You can pursue your line of what you consider “dating” if you want to but your results will likely be less than optimal. .... "Getting to know a woman" is not dating the woman. "Dating" a woman is engaging in sex with the woman, and still he is not obligated to spend on the woman.
If a man , invited you out , to get to know you, this is not a date, he is not obligated to buy you anything to get to know you better.

Everything in life costs money even good times. .... Yes, so a man, wasting his money would not be a good idea.

"Good times", meaning , have a seat, we will talk for a while and get to know each other?........THIS should not cost anyone any amount of money.

It takes money to create a fun experience that is worth leaving the house for. .... Great, then you go spend YOUR OWN money, on men who want to get to know you.

Talking to a woman , whom I don't know, is not a labeled, "Fun experience". That remains to be seen.

A fun experience, leaving home, would be to jet off to Tuscany. HA! Not buying a woman, I don't have any intimate history with, a drink. That is not a label of a "Fun time".

In every facet of life you get what you pay for .... So you are telling me your sale price , to get to know you, is the price of drink? Yes?.. then you're a prostitute. By the very same token a man could hand you some cash and you would allow him to get to know you.

so why not splurge ..... Splurging on unknowns is wasteful.

and ensure that even if you don’t hit it off everyone has a good time. ....When a man pays money, and does not "Hit it off"... he doesn't have a good time, he comes away with a financial "Loss". You , the woman, who got a free drink, comes away from that with no financial "Loss".

So, bottom line, today, women can pay for her own drinks, pay for half the price of hotel room, and pay her own way for whatever else.


Devlynne 43F
59 posts
7/10/2019 8:56 pm

So. I have many male friends who are interested in me that I already spend time with. I have about six different social media accounts and receive solicitations daily. The free time I have to put into my existing relationships outside of work is already limited. In order to get time with me it is going to have to be special and demonstrate that effort is being put forth. Many women are in my position. I am really not interested in entertaining your cheap and simple thinking further because it demonstrates a type of selfishness that is prevalent among men and I find highly unappealing. If you already have a formula in place that works for you stick with your formula and your own standards and I will stick with mine.


Heathen_G 61M
7864 posts
7/11/2019 8:37 pm

I have many male friends who are interested in me that I already spend time with. ... Exactly , you "Spend" time. .... Now try having sex with them.

I have about six different social media accounts and receive solicitations daily. .... Because you have a vagina. A woman having a vagina is like people finding out you won the 10 billion dollar lotto.

The free time I have to put into my existing relationships outside of work is already limited..... Welcome to any working mans world.

In order to get time with me it is going to have to be special ..... You ever consider that you should be special enough for him , too? He's probably busier than you are.

and demonstrate that effort is being put forth. .... What effort are you demonstrating, other than putting on make up and clothing? .... You either want his company or you don't. And when you don't, you wave him off, or as some women do , they "Friendzone" him for the purpose of giving her platonic attention later.

Many women are in my position. ..... Many men are in your position. His time ....his money.... is not for the wasting.

I am really not interested in entertaining your cheap ...So when a man says his time and money are valuable to him, -he won't buy you a drink, it's cheap? You have your own money. You want to be in his company, or you don't. All this is about, "How you feel about being with him, and talking to him"...........He does not, SHOULD NOT have to pay you, directly, or indirectly , to get to know you.

because it demonstrates a type of selfishness that is prevalent among men and I find highly unappealing. .... So you can imagine how unappealing a woman is , to a man, whom insists he should buy her stuff to get to know her.

Wanting, from a man, his opposite of selfishness, is a quality the woman must earn from him.

If you already have a formula in place that works for you stick with your formula and your own standards and I will stick with mine...... But your formula doesn't work. Your approach to men is, "I'm for sale, and to get to know me, you have to pay me for attention". .

..........So , why does he have to buy you a drink, to get to know you?


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