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I Will Survive  

EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2511 posts
11/16/2019 6:07 am
I Will Survive


Will Continue, First Comment

Grace

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
11/16/2019 6:08 am

I have debated, in my head, how to begin this story. It's such a convoluted one that you all will have to forgive me if I forget some stuff. The plan, as of right at this moment, is to leave out some details because I don't feel they're important, or I'm attempting to protect the innocent.

For those who feel I should leave the past in the past, a big middle finger to you right now. Just leave, don't read, just fucking leave, because I ain't interested in your opinion because IT IS WRONG. If we don't examine the past, we can't learn from it. PERIOD.

For those who remember my past profiles, they will remember that I had a BIG blow out with my sister over the last presidential election. Her husband was a Trump cult member. Like BIG TIME, like to the point that I literally stopped talking with both of them for YEARS.

Of course, it wasn't just about who her husband voted for because I was still talking with members of my family who voted for the orange manbaby. It was also about her fat shaming me; her selfishness; and her downright dismissal of my feelings. So, yeah, it was a Big Sister/Little Sister Fight for the ages.

Then, I get a phone call that she left her husband, and I was like...awesome. But, then, the manipulation really began. I was getting all these phone calls about how her health was declining (as far as I'm concerned she is a hypochondriac); she didn't have a job; she didn't have a place to live. The woman was guilting me, BIG TIME. And, I fell for it each and every time. I can't even tell you how much money I sent her over that time frame.

The situation was coming to a head, and I was participating pretty heavily on FetLife. I had developed friendships with a couple people I thought I could count on until I realized I couldn't count on even one of them. I was still teetering the line of agoraphobia pretty heavily at this point, and gained like thirty pounds since the Dicktator of Lies was elected as president.

One of the friendships I made on Fetlife was with a woman named Val (not her real name). We got so close that I gave this woman my Amazon Login information so that she and I could watch the last season of Game of Thrones together. Yeah, I was that stupid. NO, she didn't steal any money from me, nor even try to. Gave her my Netflix Login too, believe it or not. (Shhhh...no one tell Netflix, I heard they get mad. )

The thing about Val, though, was that she was needy. Really needy. Like, she took up a LOT of my time with wanting to chat. It was cool, though, it was nice to have someone I could talk things out with. And, I did what I always do when it comes to new relationships, I screw on the Rose Colored Glasses and don't take them off until something major happens.

I met Storm during the time I was talking with Val on Skype and Fetlife. The conversations slowed to a more “normal” pace, I just didn't have the time to devote to her wild rantings anymore. (This is not an exaggeration, I literally have an inbox full of emails back and forth between us still on Fetlife). I can't tell you how many times I talked this woman away from the edge when it came to men. I've never seen anyone be so negative. Of course, I just endured it, emotional masochist, doncha know?

Then, Storm and I broke up the first time, and we were back to talking a whole fucking lot. I mean, seriously, she would even get jealous if I responded to someone else's writings and forget hers. She got super possessive with my time and would get upset if I missed a time we were supposed to Skype. Ya'll, it was weird. Here, I had never even met this woman in person and she was monopolizing all my time.

Then, she said something about gay people being an abomination. And, I was FREAKED. Like, seriously, I can't tell you the literal misfiring that started going off in my head over that statement. I was like, you write erotica that includes scenes with two women and you're saying that? You know I'm pansexual and you're saying that? What the ever living? She admitted to being a hypocrite, and I was like...well, at least she's aware.

She introduced me to this guy during this time. Jeff (not his real name). He was this guy she had been having cyber sex with. They would get back together and break up over and over again. (Stop the presses, seriously? This is exactly what I did with Storm. Da Fuck, brain? Seriously? Cycles, people, I tell you, patterns of behavior...I pick them up unconsciously) He and I spoke, sparingly, because I didn't want to piss her off, though I did enjoy the conversations I had with him.

She was made the moderator of one of the groups on there and that started going to her head. Ya'll, I'm not going to downgrade this woman, but will say...Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely and leave it there. I noticed some of her acts as a moderator were arbitrary and not based on anything in the rules.

We were talking one day and she said something as racist as you could get. I will NOT repeat that shit here because Hate is a Virus, and I will not be a party to it spreading. And, I had it. That was the end of our friendship. I wrote her an email explaining that I would not be friends with a bigotted racist Trump Supporter. Oh yeah, did I leave that out? She was a Trump Supporter, and yes I knew from the beginning of our friendship she supported that Head Predator in Charge.

And, that is when I started being...

Chaotic Good

This, my friends, is a Dungeons and Dragons term. Oh yeah, I'm a nerd, alright.

A chaotic good character acts as their conscience directs them with little regard for what others expect of them. One makes their own way, but is kind and benevolent. They believe in goodness and right but has little use for laws and regulations. They hate it when people try to intimidate others and tell them what to do. They follow their own moral compass, which, although good, may not agree with that of society.
Chaotic good is the best alignment you can be because it combines a good heart with a free spirit.

~adapted from: http://easydamus.com/chaoticgood.html

Next part of this story will be out when I feel like it.

I Will Survive
By
Gloria Gaynor

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
And so you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key
If I'd known for just one second you'd be back to bother me
Go on now, go, walk out the door
Just turn around now
'Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Do you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
And I've got all my love to give and I'll survive
I will survive, hey, hey
It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh-so many nights just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high and you see me
Somebody new
I'm not that chained-up little person and still in love with you
And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free
Well, now I'm saving all my lovin' for someone who's loving me
Go on now, go, walk out the door
Just turn around now
'Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
Do you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
And I've got all my love to give and I'll survive
I will survive
Oh
Go on now, go, walk out the door
Just turn around now
'Cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
Do you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
And I've got all my love to give and I'll survive
I will survive
I will survive
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Dino Fekaris / Frederick J. Perren

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


xSimplesex 51M
20 posts
11/16/2019 6:24 am

much support! .. All the best -


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
11/16/2019 8:08 am

    Quoting xSimplesex:
    much support! .. All the best -
Thank You, I appreciate it!

Happy Weekend

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


author51 57F  
94531 posts
11/16/2019 8:23 am

Negative, toxic people my dear friend like her and anyone else be it family, need to be let go..We can not give these types of people the power to make us feel mad, upset, angry, whatever have you.. I have a brother which sounds like your sister and we seldom talk nor see each other at all.. Whatever needy, toxic friends I have ever had are gone out of my life..I prefer to live a peaceful, Joyful life and only let those people in who are of the same mind..I do not do needy at all....Never have.. Just my thoughts here my friend..

One can never have enough JOY in their life...


author51 57F  
94531 posts
11/16/2019 8:25 am

    Quoting EnigmaInitiative:
    I have debated, in my head, how to begin this story. It's such a convoluted one that you all will have to forgive me if I forget some stuff. The plan, as of right at this moment, is to leave out some details because I don't feel they're important, or I'm attempting to protect the innocent.

    For those who feel I should leave the past in the past, a big middle finger to you right now. Just leave, don't read, just fucking leave, because I ain't interested in your opinion because IT IS WRONG. If we don't examine the past, we can't learn from it. PERIOD.

    For those who remember my past profiles, they will remember that I had a BIG blow out with my sister over the last presidential election. Her husband was a Trump cult member. Like BIG TIME, like to the point that I literally stopped talking with both of them for YEARS.

    Of course, it wasn't just about who her husband voted for because I was still talking with members of my family who voted for the orange manbaby. It was also about her fat shaming me; her selfishness; and her downright dismissal of my feelings. So, yeah, it was a Big Sister/Little Sister Fight for the ages.

    Then, I get a phone call that she left her husband, and I was like...awesome. But, then, the manipulation really began. I was getting all these phone calls about how her health was declining (as far as I'm concerned she is a hypochondriac); she didn't have a job; she didn't have a place to live. The woman was guilting me, BIG TIME. And, I fell for it each and every time. I can't even tell you how much money I sent her over that time frame.

    The situation was coming to a head, and I was participating pretty heavily on FetLife. I had developed friendships with a couple people I thought I could count on until I realized I couldn't count on even one of them. I was still teetering the line of agoraphobia pretty heavily at this point, and gained like thirty pounds since the Dicktator of Lies was elected as president.

    One of the friendships I made on Fetlife was with a woman named Val (not her real name). We got so close that I gave this woman my Amazon Login information so that she and I could watch the last season of Game of Thrones together. Yeah, I was that stupid. NO, she didn't steal any money from me, nor even try to. Gave her my Netflix Login too, believe it or not. (Shhhh...no one tell Netflix, I heard they get mad. )

    The thing about Val, though, was that she was needy. Really needy. Like, she took up a LOT of my time with wanting to chat. It was cool, though, it was nice to have someone I could talk things out with. And, I did what I always do when it comes to new relationships, I screw on the Rose Colored Glasses and don't take them off until something major happens.

    I met Storm during the time I was talking with Val on Skype and Fetlife. The conversations slowed to a more “normal” pace, I just didn't have the time to devote to her wild rantings anymore. (This is not an exaggeration, I literally have an inbox full of emails back and forth between us still on Fetlife). I can't tell you how many times I talked this woman away from the edge when it came to men. I've never seen anyone be so negative. Of course, I just endured it, emotional masochist, doncha know?

    Then, Storm and I broke up the first time, and we were back to talking a whole fucking lot. I mean, seriously, she would even get jealous if I responded to someone else's writings and forget hers. She got super possessive with my time and would get upset if I missed a time we were supposed to Skype. Ya'll, it was weird. Here, I had never even met this woman in person and she was monopolizing all my time.

    Then, she said something about gay people being an abomination. And, I was FREAKED. Like, seriously, I can't tell you the literal misfiring that started going off in my head over that statement. I was like, you write erotica that includes scenes with two women and you're saying that? You know I'm pansexual and you're saying that? What the ever living? She admitted to being a hypocrite, and I was like...well, at least she's aware.

    She introduced me to this guy during this time. Jeff (not his real name). He was this guy she had been having cyber sex with. They would get back together and break up over and over again. (Stop the presses, seriously? This is exactly what I did with Storm. Da Fuck, brain? Seriously? Cycles, people, I tell you, patterns of behavior...I pick them up unconsciously) He and I spoke, sparingly, because I didn't want to piss her off, though I did enjoy the conversations I had with him.

    She was made the moderator of one of the groups on there and that started going to her head. Ya'll, I'm not going to downgrade this woman, but will say...Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely and leave it there. I noticed some of her acts as a moderator were arbitrary and not based on anything in the rules.

    We were talking one day and she said something as racist as you could get. I will NOT repeat that shit here because Hate is a Virus, and I will not be a party to it spreading. And, I had it. That was the end of our friendship. I wrote her an email explaining that I would not be friends with a bigotted racist Trump Supporter. Oh yeah, did I leave that out? She was a Trump Supporter, and yes I knew from the beginning of our friendship she supported that Head Predator in Charge.

    And, that is when I started being...

    Chaotic Good

    This, my friends, is a Dungeons and Dragons term. Oh yeah, I'm a nerd, alright.

    A chaotic good character acts as their conscience directs them with little regard for what others expect of them. One makes their own way, but is kind and benevolent. They believe in goodness and right but has little use for laws and regulations. They hate it when people try to intimidate others and tell them what to do. They follow their own moral compass, which, although good, may not agree with that of society.
    Chaotic good is the best alignment you can be because it combines a good heart with a free spirit.

    ~adapted from: http://easydamus.com/chaoticgood.html

    Next part of this story will be out when I feel like it.

    I Will Survive
    By
    Gloria Gaynor

    At first I was afraid, I was petrified
    Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
    But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
    And I grew strong
    And I learned how to get along
    And so you're back
    From outer space
    I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
    I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key
    If I'd known for just one second you'd be back to bother me
    Go on now, go, walk out the door
    Just turn around now
    'Cause you're not welcome anymore
    Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
    Do you think I'd crumble
    Did you think I'd lay down and die?
    Oh no, not I, I will survive
    Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive
    I've got all my life to live
    And I've got all my love to give and I'll survive
    I will survive, hey, hey
    It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
    Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
    And I spent oh-so many nights just feeling sorry for myself
    I used to cry
    But now I hold my head up high and you see me
    Somebody new
    I'm not that chained-up little person and still in love with you
    And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free
    Well, now I'm saving all my lovin' for someone who's loving me
    Go on now, go, walk out the door
    Just turn around now
    'Cause you're not welcome anymore
    Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
    Do you think I'd crumble
    Did you think I'd lay down and die?
    Oh no, not I, I will survive
    Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive
    I've got all my life to live
    And I've got all my love to give and I'll survive
    I will survive
    Oh
    Go on now, go, walk out the door
    Just turn around now
    'Cause you're not welcome anymore
    Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
    Do you think I'd crumble
    Did you think I'd lay down and die?
    Oh no, not I, I will survive
    Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive
    I've got all my life to live
    And I've got all my love to give and I'll survive
    I will survive
    I will survive
    Source: LyricFind
    Songwriters: Dino Fekaris / Frederick J. Perren
I count on no one but myself...

One can never have enough JOY in their life...


EnigmaInitiative replies on 11/16/2019 9:23 am:
I can count on Nick and "Mainman" who we are now calling StarLord for personal reasons for some things, I know that for sure.

citizen4722 62M  
67122 posts
11/16/2019 8:48 am

You certainly seem to be like a magnet, drawing all sorts of weird and wonderful people to you


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
11/16/2019 9:19 am

    Quoting  :

Thanks so much! I appreciate it!

Happy Weekend

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
11/16/2019 9:20 am

    Quoting  :

Thanks, I appreciate you chiming in!

It's a great song!

Happy Weekend!

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
11/16/2019 9:22 am

    Quoting author51:
    Negative, toxic people my dear friend like her and anyone else be it family, need to be let go..We can not give these types of people the power to make us feel mad, upset, angry, whatever have you.. I have a brother which sounds like your sister and we seldom talk nor see each other at all.. Whatever needy, toxic friends I have ever had are gone out of my life..I prefer to live a peaceful, Joyful life and only let those people in who are of the same mind..I do not do needy at all....Never have.. Just my thoughts here my friend..
I tried to bring my sister back in, but had to walk away from her too. She hurt me far too much.

Thanks for your support!

Happy Weekend

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
11/16/2019 9:24 am

    Quoting citizen4722:
    You certainly seem to be like a magnet, drawing all sorts of weird and wonderful people to you
It's definitely an interesting quality to have!

Happy Weekend My Friend!

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


Paulxx001 63M
17066 posts
11/16/2019 10:36 am

... and you ARE a survivor! 👍

... is there another way to look at it.
We Have Lost Forty Million Good Men WTF


SpunkyMonkeyz58 62M
1297 posts
11/16/2019 11:29 am

All of o'r s'pport and love o'r dear open m'nded and open hearted tr'thf'l best'e fr'end and more and wez lovzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Xx Oo Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect Awrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Meoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooows! p.s. crazy m'ss'ng for now come and go keyboard letters lol b't tr'th


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
11/16/2019 12:40 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    ... and you ARE a survivor! 👍
100 Percent!

Thanks for coming by

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
11/16/2019 12:41 pm

    Quoting SpunkyMonkeyz58:
    All of o'r s'pport and love o'r dear open m'nded and open hearted tr'thf'l best'e fr'end and more and wez lovzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Xx Oo Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect Awrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Meoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooows! p.s. crazy m'ss'ng for now come and go keyboard letters lol b't tr'th
I understood you, my favorite Monkeez!

Thank You Sooooooooooooo Much

Hugs

Meooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Awrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Xoxoxox

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


RockKickAss69XXX 51M  
898 posts
11/16/2019 1:33 pm

You shouldn't let politics destroy relationships with your family.
Especially when our last 5 Presidents have all been worthless stupid POS's and the last 4 after those terms were up the only people better off all had the same last name as those presidents. The 5th will probably be the same. And whoever comes after will no doubt prove to be the same again.


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
11/17/2019 8:20 am

    Quoting RockKickAss69XXX:
    You shouldn't let politics destroy relationships with your family.
    Especially when our last 5 Presidents have all been worthless stupid POS's and the last 4 after those terms were up the only people better off all had the same last name as those presidents. The 5th will probably be the same. And whoever comes after will no doubt prove to be the same again.
Thanks for your opinion, but you obviously missed this paragraph:

"Of course, it wasn't just about who her husband voted for because I was still talking with members of my family who voted for the orange manbaby. It was also about her fat shaming me; her selfishness; and her downright dismissal of my feelings. So, yeah, it was a Big Sister/Little Sister Fight for the ages."

It wasn't just about politics.

Happy Sunday

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


Logan0867 52M
190 posts
11/17/2019 1:56 pm

Remove the toxic, keep the good *hugs*


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
11/17/2019 2:03 pm

    Quoting Logan0867:
    Remove the toxic, keep the good *hugs*
Exactly babe, but you know what? some people are only toxic..due to circumstance. You've known me long enough to know I've done some reaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyy weird things.

Hugs.

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


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