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If You Leave Me Now  

EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2509 posts
12/7/2019 8:09 am
If You Leave Me Now

Will Continue, First Comment

First, though

Foooooooooooooooooooood Pooooooooooooooooorn

It's Christmas Cookie Season in this House



Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
12/7/2019 8:11 am

I Will Survive
Grace
Bad Bad Leroy Brown
The Logical Song
Hotel California
Stuck In the Middle with You
I39m a Believer
Bohemian Rhapsody
How to Forget
Suspicious Minds
The Joker
Killing Me Softly with His Song
You Dont Bring Me Flowers
Crazy Train
Change The World
Power of Love
Sweet Dreams are Made of This
Mr Blue Sky
You Matter to Me
Change
Unlonely
Mr Curiosity
Love is Still the Answer
Material World
Beat It
Landslide
Gypsy
Whatever It Takes
I Won39t Give Up

It was difficult leaving Michigan, I was enjoying time with Logan. But, my guys at home were calling, and missed me. That's not to mention the cats, mah babies. I missed mah fur babies. Plus, I was worried about them. Look, the men in this house are great and all, but ain't no one like mami.

After time in the hot tub, Logan drove me to downtown Detroit. We were a little early, so we decided to go to King's Books. The Largest Used Book Store in Detroit. It's quite glorious, and of course I had to check out the X rated section. Cuz, ya know, I'm a perv at heart. We didn't have very long, though, and I didn't get to see much.

The bus ride back was crowded and cramped, and I only took one bus line. Go Me. I spent a lot of time talking with people, not just about their lives, but, also, about Andrew Yang for President in 2020. Because, ya know, the Freedom Dividend of a thousand dollars a month for all citizens over the age of eighteen that is stackable on other benefits would sure help a whole lot of people who ride the bus. Did you know that nearly half of all College Students can't afford to eat? https://www.complex.com/life/2019/05/study-half-college-students-couldnt-afford-enough-food-2018 I'm sure you can see why he's a “hit” with many in the younger generation.

Getting home was a different story. Mainman hadn't done the lineup, and still hadn't decided whether or not to press charges. And, this was causing tension in the neighborhood, there was a group of five, now, wandering the streets and wreaking havoc in the neighborhood. Also, apparently, some of the gang higher ups were coming back into town, and our house was under FBI surveillance.

Oh yes

Paranoia, once again, reigned supreme in our home. I thought Nick would talk him into pressing charges; I was wrong. Apparently, they spent most of the time I was gone drinking beer and watching television. We won't even talk about the litter boxes...

Head Meet Desk

Ya'll, well, I had a lot of “work” to do, repairing the mess caused by my absence took time. And, first was talking with Mainman about pressing charges. He was still up in the air. That, my blogger friends, took far more effort than you can imagine. Especially since I was now experiencing the paranoia, again, first hand. My emails were getting changed again, we hadn't changed the password on the router, yet. With all the bullshit going on, I completely forgot that things cleared up on the road. It didn't help, though, that the guys were feeding it with their stories.

Plus, I had Halloween to get ready for, it's my favorite holiday. There was no possible way I was going to miss out on it. But, I couldn't do that with a gang war brewing in my neighborhood. What did I do? Well, first Nick and I had a “meeting”. I explained in very direct terms exactly what I wanted from him. Then, we went to work on talking with Mainman about going to the police. It took a lot of effort, but he, eventually, did. He picked the kids out of a lineup and agreed to press charges.

I was also talking with Storm and Eagle through email during this time. The problem is that I was still writing in that “code” I developed but never explained to either of them. Dear Lort, you'd think I'd learn...

Look, I'm a wordy woman who was attempting to figure out how to say what I want to say without utilizing so many words. The problem with that is that, I, sometimes, don't make sense when I do that. Writing in verse is fun for me, and I understand it. But, I now know others didn't. Both Storm and Eagle completely misunderstood me, and it caused a LOT of issues.

In person? I'm actually super easy to talk with most of the time. I'm sure both Eagle and Storm would attest to that this day, and I'm sure Logan, Nick and Mainman would too. I suspect that's why no matter where I go, if I'm alone, someone usually walks up and starts talking with me. I've been told my smile reaches my eyes, and I remind a lot of people of “someone”. Who that someone is changes depending on the person.

See, writing, in my opinion, can be completely taken out of context in so many ways. It's one of the reasons I don't like text messages and the like. It's difficult, for me, to match what someone is saying with who they are without seeing them. It's like there's this missing piece that connects things. And, apparently, that gets worse the more people I'm talking with at the time.

I'm afraid, my blogger friends, I have to take responsibility for a lot of the issues I had with both Storm and Eagle. Not all, to be sure, they have their share too. It's just that I, now, realize, that I really didn't have the time to devote to starting new romantic relationships. Emotionally, mentally, I was a wreck. There was just too much going on in my personal life for all of it.

Starting a church/charity, writing a blog, and writing a book? All while dealing with a new man living in our home, a man who brought us an enormous amount of peril and security issues? People, we all know I was delusional for even thinking I could start a new relationship. I'm so glad I came to my senses and stopped pushing so hard, let me tell you. (Still miss sex, though, dammit. LO

One of the things I didn't know, though, was that some of my neighbors thought I left. Like, left for good. And, they thought I left because Mainman was such a problem. They didn't know I just went on vacation; and that had started some tongues wagging. Coming back calmed down a lot more than my house, it stopped the gossip.

Soon, things were changing fast. I got my first donor for my charity, then a few more. I was decorating the house, and dying my hair. Mainman was working, and things were calming down for because of it. I was red screened (meaning that I got a screen that said I was hacked), ran a bunch of scans, didn't find anything. I, truthfully, at that time, thought the problem might be Passion. In fact, I spent most of the latter part of September and most of October thinking the hacker came from Passion, actually.

Think about it. Here I am, a woman who was hacked in 2016 while blogging on Passion, then hacked again in 2019 while blogging on Passion. A website with all kinds of glitches in programming. A woman with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that can make her paranoid. A woman whose brain likes to connect things together and solve puzzles. A woman under an extraordinary amount of stress. You see it, don't you? How I put those things together?

Then, I, finally, remembered to change the wifi password and my hacker issues ended. Go figure. Now, look, why I didn't try that before can only be blamed on me. I was pushing myself, hard, and that scattered my brain. I have no one to blame, but me. I, just, well, I want to be better. I don't want to be like this.

I seem to feel as though I have something to prove because I'm mentally ill. It's like the way my family treated me over the years, as though I wasn't worthy of their love, it changed something in me. And, it doesn't help that society, often, reinforces this perception of those of us with mental illness. It sure doesn't raise my self esteem to have someone Mental Health Shaming me. Family and Strangers Alike. In fact, it just makes things worse.
(For more on Mental Health Stigma See: https://discoverymood.com/blog/four-ways-mental-health-commonly-shamed/)

Thankfully, though, today, though I am depressed because of the time of year it is, I'm also very happy to report that the flashbacks are gone. The paranoia left after Halloween, when we had a blast putting a show on for the kids and handing out candy. But, the chainsaw was, soon, getting on my nerves, and we put an end to Mainman pretending to cut Nick in half because if I had to hear that chainsaw one more time I was going to explode, just sayin.

By Halloween, I, also, ended things with Eagle. And, things started changing in the house again.

That's where I'm going to leave it.

Thank You For Reading

Next up: Storm and I have a hotel “meet” that ends in disaster.

If You Leave Me Now

by

Chicago

If you leave me now you'll take away the biggest part of me
No baby please don't go
And if you leave me now you'll take away the very heart of me
No baby please don't go, no I just want you to stay
A love like ours is love that's hard to find
How could we let it slip away?
We've come too far to leave it all behind
How could we end it all this way?
When tomorrow comes and we both regret
The things we said today
A love like ours is love that's hard to find
How could we let it slip away?
We've come too far to leave it all behind
How could we end it all this way?
When tomorrow comes and we both regret
The things we said today
And if you leave me now you'll take away the biggest part of me
No baby please don't go, no baby please don't go
Oh girl, I just got to have your lovin, yeah
No baby please don't go, don't go, don't go
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Peter Cetera

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


Tony28197 41M
20 posts
12/7/2019 8:32 am

very creative. very nice


Paulxx001 63M
17066 posts
12/7/2019 11:17 am

Wow...! You're quite the baker! 👍 😊 🔥 💦

... is there another way to look at it.
We Have Lost Forty Million Good Men WTF


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/9/2019 7:31 am:
I love it.

Happy Monday Paul

SpunkyMonkeyz58 62M
1297 posts
12/7/2019 11:41 am

Love those cook'es, b't, tr'th, love yo'r l'fe story better and Bravo o'r dear fr'end Xx Oo MMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect Awroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Meooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooows


Logan0867 52M
190 posts
12/7/2019 6:05 pm

yum cookies


author51 57F  
94531 posts
12/8/2019 12:42 am

Love the cookies my friend.They make me wish I baked....lol.

One can never have enough JOY in their life...


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
12/9/2019 7:30 am

Thanks

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
12/9/2019 7:31 am

    Quoting SpunkyMonkeyz58:
    Love those cook'es, b't, tr'th, love yo'r l'fe story better and Bravo o'r dear fr'end Xx Oo MMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect Awroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Meooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooows
Awww, thank you My freeeeeeeendz, I appreciate you all so much!!!

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect
Awroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Meooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
12/9/2019 7:32 am

You'll get your molasses cookies in February.

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
12/9/2019 7:33 am

    Quoting author51:
    Love the cookies my friend.They make me wish I baked....lol.
I'm a hell of a baker.

I'm making six different kinds of cookies, plus some candy this year.

Baking is one of my greatest joys, Joy.

Happy Monday

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
12/9/2019 7:34 am

    Quoting  :

And, cookies are just the quintessential thing to show off my "talents".

Happy Monday

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


Pgmanforyou 52M
47 posts
12/10/2019 4:27 pm

Awesome


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