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Landslide  

EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2509 posts
12/4/2019 7:19 am
Landslide


Will Continue, First Comment

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
12/4/2019 7:20 am

I Will Survive
Grace
Bad Bad Leroy Brown
The Logical Song
Hotel California
Stuck In the Middle with You
I39m a Believer
Bohemian Rhapsody
How to Forget
Suspicious Minds
The Joker
Killing Me Softly with His Song
You Dont Bring Me Flowers
Crazy Train
Change The World
Power of Love
Sweet Dreams are Made of This
Mr Blue Sky
You Matter to Me
Change
Unlonely
Mr Curiosity
Love is Still the Answer
Material World
Beat It

After Mainman was beat and kicked by supposed friends, there was LOTS of talk of retribution. The machismo associated with him and his friends is nothing to be sneezed at. Here, we have a man who after injuring his hip and no longer being able to pursue his athletic dreams, entered a world of violence.

Not kidding, I've been told some stories by him and his family members that would curl your toes. However, Nick and I were in his ear, and so was his mother. So, when “friends” of his started talking about hunting the boys who beat him down, we were there to explain to him that violence was not the answer. Trust, it wasn't an easy feat either.

Many of the younger male generation in this neighborhood grew up on the principal that you're not a man if you let things like this go. I, literally, heard one say:

“A MAN wouldn't let this shit go, we solve our problems with our fists” or something like that.

My answer:

“Where I come from, we let the police solve it. My brother nor none of my male cousins ever got into a fight”.

And, that's the truth, my friends.

His mother reinforced what I said with her own stories of when she was growing up, and Nick and I started reaching out to some of the older members of his friend group. We wanted him to be surrounded by people who wouldn't push for retribution beyond pressing charges. After a cooling off period, he calmed down, but it took effort.

Then, came the conversation of what to do. My theory, though conjecture, has to do with the fact that these kids are young and their father had just died. And, Mainman concurred, and he wasn't sure he wanted them to go to jail. Yep, after some real long conversations, Mainman was wanting to let it go, and just see what happened, not press charges.

Not a good idea, those kids were bullies. This is when we figured out that those kids were probably the ones who cornered me that night I walked to the store. I couldn't pick them out in a lineup, even if you asked me. I just don't remember their faces, but I remember their demeanor and it lined up with what Mainman said about those two. These boys were the ones that made me feel so threatened that I stopped walking after dark, I was in fear for my life.

It was obvious, at this time, that I wasn't the person to talk with him about pressing charges. So, Nick and I agreed to let him handle it. As a former Military Police Officer, he was much better equipped for the conversation than I was. I'm feelings first, logic after time in situations like this. Nick is the opposite.

I started writing this story in the beginning of October in a much more of a fictionalized way. It was an attempt to release all this information without it being nightmare inducing. Look, my life, my entire life, it's not been a picnic. I am very aware that some people have had far worse happen in their lives, but I've long said that my life is a year's worth of Jerry Springer Shows and that's not an exaggeration.

I just plain decided that I would “use” my trauma to help myself and other people, rather than telling the story in ways that would hurt others. I had every intention of telling this entire tale in the fantastical style of Science Fiction with less reality and more smut. The issue is that I don't feel like writing smut, right now. Especially since so many people on this site, and the site itself, have treated me so poorly.

There's a part in the movie Joker where he is writing “jokes”. One of the “jokes” is: “The worst part of having a mental illness is that everyone expects you to behave as though you don't”. And, that, my blogger friends, is a mother fucking truthbomb if I ever heard one. Too many people expect those of us with mental illness to act as if we don't have one. They use emotional manipulation and other tactics, such as bullying, in an attempt to get those of us who aren't like them to “fall in line”. It's a disgusting display of one of humanity's worst traits, and it hurts me to my core.

I started talking with Pocogato through email in attempt to make plans to go there. The issue was that I was so paranoid that I didn't want to tell anyone when I was leaving, nor how I was traveling, besides Nick and Mainman. The fear of the hacker and what was going on in my neighborhood was getting to my damaged brain in a way that's difficult to put into words.

Paranoia reigned supreme in the aftermath of Mainman's beatdown both in my brain and the house. We were changing locks; putting on security doors (one with a cat door cut out of it, because..well, mah babies like their freedom ) Then, there was the hacker changing emails; people shining lights in my windows; as well as all the cyberbullies. I was trying to keep a cheerful face, but dammit...I felt like my world was falling apart. When Pocogato said she was having computer trouble, I thought my hacker got to her computer. I'm still unsure, who knows?

What I didn't know is that she, apparently, emailed me and told me not to come. I didn't get those emails. Between Passion's mailbox glitches and my hacker fucking with my emails, I was left in the dark and boarded the bus to Maine the second week in October after buying a second phone that was not connected to my name in anyway. Oh yes, yes I did.

It was when I was on the road that I started making the realization that my hacker more than likely hacked my router. I forgot with all the other issues I had on the trip. However, now that I push myself to recall the trip...I noticed all my internet issues stopped on the road. Relying solely on cell phone data stopped all my hacker issues. We have changed the wifi password..now. And, surprise surprise...no more issues. Go figure.

I wasn't in the best frame of mind on the bus, but that changed over time. As I listened to story after story from some of my fellow passengers, my brain let go of the paranoia and focused on being “present” and actually listening to what was being said to me. Truth is, many people just want to be heard, that's it. They want others to hear what kinds of tribulations they're having. And, trust, many people who travel by bus have a lot of trials in their lives.

That's why when people, like Eagle and others, who have more financial privilege speak in platitudes about working hard and not expecting hand outs, I'm all like...have you ever experienced one bit of suffering in your life? I know many have, but it's almost like they've forgotten what it's like to be poor in this world.

I don't expect handouts; treat people with respect; and I make one or two mistakes and I'm nailed to the mother fucking wall while I'm expected to forget everything I experienced over the years and behave as though nothing never happened. You know, “leave the past in the past”. It's sooooooo weird.

I heard stories of men being mistreated by women; women being mistreated by men; whites mistreating blacks; and Christians just being plain mean to lots. Not kidding here, I'm no Christian, though I was raised in the Catholic Church. The fact that I heard so many talk about how their “godly” families abused them? Well, let's just say, I was reminded on that bus trip up to Maine that my life was a mother fucking picnic in comparison with some of my fellow riders.

When I got to Maine and couldn't get in touch with Pocogato, the men in my life were far more bothered by it than I was. Shoot, I felt a mental weight lifted off my head not being bothered by the hacker. I checked into the hotel and got to writing. Sure, I still tried to get in touch with Pocogato and couldn't, but it didn't matter. I was going to enjoy my time no matter what.

Time alone was a luxury I hadn't had in months. It was just what I needed to start calming my brain, but that didn't stop the bullies on Passion. Oh no. They had to keep attacking, and..of course...the powers that be at Passion weren't going to do anything about it.

When I realized I wasn't going to get in touch with Pocogato, I contacted my long term polyamorous partner Logan0867 and told him I was coming to Michigan. I booked my bus tickets all the way there. I used three different bus companies, by the way, the paranoia wasn't totally gone. I mean, I was feeling better, just not all the way. Ya know?

I was much less in the mood to talk with people on my trip from Maine to Michigan. I, mainly, kept to myself. Although, the time in NYC was awesome. I had like a six hour layover there, and I took full advantage of it. You all, I've never been to New York City, this was my first time wandering the streets. It was pretty freaking cool. I also met a sweet younger couple at Grand Central Station, we spent time talking.

When I arrived in Michigan, you all can't imagine how happy I was to see Logan. For one, I hadn't seen him in three years. Then, there was the relief of being able to physically speak with someone face to face that knew me very well. Someone who knew me before I moved to Florida, someone who knew the Debbi that existed before writing and social media. I've changed a lot since moving here, more than many of you could probably imagine.

And, that's where I'm going to leave it.

Next up: Behind the scenes of my Michigan stay.

Thank You For Reading

Landslide

by

Fleetwood Mac

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Til the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Mmm
Well, I've been 'fraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm gettin' older, too
Well, I've been 'fraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm gettin' older, too
I'm gettin' older, too
Ah, take my love, take it down
Oh, climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring it down
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring it down
Oh, the landslide will bring it down
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Stevie Nicks

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


SpunkyMonkeyz58 62M
1297 posts
12/4/2019 7:35 am

Well done always o'r dear and tr'th, we all are a by-prod'ct of o'r s'rro'nd'mgs and 'pbr'ng'ng. and the cycle so hard to break. V'olence and wars never solved anyth'ng really as pawns of war and the el't'sts 's why they 'se 's, b't, they are f'nd'ng o't we no more w'll be the'r pawns and yay Xx Oo Mmm Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect Awroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Meooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooows A new World 's emerg'ng and chang'ng fast!


Vaughn7407 42M  
16 posts
12/4/2019 7:39 am

Very profound!


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/4/2019 5:07 pm:
Thanks

Lildominick 30M

12/4/2019 7:48 am

Super profound


PAWAPh 44M
12614 posts
12/4/2019 11:19 am

Hey, Friend.

*That's A Great Song*

Check Out The BUSH - Landslide (Rooftop Live) Version

Peace, Debbie!

Jack


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/4/2019 5:07 pm:
I will do that, thanks Jack!

Happy Wednesday

Paulxx001 63M
17066 posts
12/4/2019 1:43 pm

Nice song. 👍

... is there another way to look at it.
We Have Lost Forty Million Good Men WTF


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/4/2019 5:08 pm:
It is, isn't it?

Happy Wednesday

EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
12/4/2019 5:07 pm

    Quoting SpunkyMonkeyz58:
    Well done always o'r dear and tr'th, we all are a by-prod'ct of o'r s'rro'nd'mgs and 'pbr'ng'ng. and the cycle so hard to break. V'olence and wars never solved anyth'ng really as pawns of war and the el't'sts 's why they 'se 's, b't, they are f'nd'ng o't we no more w'll be the'r pawns and yay Xx Oo Mmm Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect Awroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Meooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooows A new World 's emerg'ng and chang'ng fast!
Aw, thanks Monkeez...my freeeeeeeendz. Truth, so much truth in what you said.

The world, she's a changing, and we aren't going to put up with the elists' bs any longer.

XOXOXOOXOX

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Meoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


Logan0867 52M
190 posts
12/4/2019 7:38 pm

tell it, babe.


citizen4722 62M  
67122 posts
12/6/2019 9:12 am

Bus stop, wet day
She's there, I say
Please share my umbrella
Bus stops, bus goes
She stays, love grows
Under my umbrella

All that summer we enjoyed it
Wind and rain and shine
That umbrella we employed it
By August she was mine

Every morning I would see her
Waiting at the stop
Sometimes she'd shop
And she would show me what she'd bought

Other people stared
As if we were both quite insane
Someday my name and hers
Are going to be the same

That's the way the whole thing started
Silly but it's true
Thinking of our sweet romance
Beginning in a queue

Came the sun
The ice was melting
No more sheltering now
Nice to think that that umbrella
Led me to avow

Every morning I would see her
Waiting at the stop
Sometimes she'd shop
And she would show me what she'd bought

Other people stared
As if we were both quite insane
Someday my name and hers
Are going to be the same

Bus stop, wet day
She's there, I say
Please share my umbrella
Bus stops, bus goes
She stays, love grows
Under my umbrella

All that summer we enjoyed it
Wind and rain and shine
That umbrella we employed it
By August she was mine

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Graham Gouldman

Bus Stop lyrics © Schubert Music Publishing Inc.


EnigmaInitiative 52F  
2713 posts
12/7/2019 9:01 am

Fitting song for me, I'd say.

Thanks Citizen

Secret Agent Rabbit Origin Story

The Origin Story has begun


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