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How do you handle a sexless marriage?  

FitDaddy71 62M
11 posts
7/9/2021 1:52 pm
How do you handle a sexless marriage?

No pun intended but this could turn into a pregnant question. So many different experiences and stories by others who have had or continue in sexless marriages. So a bit about my own. Please share your stories.

My parents married right after WW2. They met in Europe. My mo m didn't come to live with my dad till her m om and sister got visas to come over state side as well. None of them ever became citizens. My mom's father was quite well to do but everything was lost in the war including my grandfather dying.

My dad's m om use to tell how much my m other use to cry when she moved in with my father. At the time it was just a room with my grandparents who lived west of the city on a small rural hog farm. No indoor plumbing or bathroom. My m om was catholic while the in-laws were country Baptist. Oil and water.

My dad was a skirt chaser for as long as I can remember. Even after he finally moved the family to be with him in the big city where he had taken work, my m om use to always shove one of us k ids in the car with him if he ever left the house. If it was bowling night, he'd give us a couple of bucks to get pop/food while he was in the bowling alley bar with his female fellow bowlers.

Now that I find myself in a sexless marriage, not so quick to point the finger at his running around. My m om use to lock herself in the bathroom because she didn't want to have sex. She never coddled us k ids when sick. Hugs and kisses I can't ever remember getting from her. "For better or worse, sickness and health" do we ever really consider the depth of that covenant promise?

It was 2 yrs into my own marriage that my m other-in-law confided in that her had been on medication since she was tw elve for depression. I was/am forever walking on egg shells. The months before the wedding, if her m om left the house she was on top of m e wanting sex. Come honeymoon night all that ended. Sex was maybe twice a month. A couple yrs of later it was holidays if that. Flat chested, when she was breast feeding she actually had boobs but she would never let touch them because it was "dirty." Oral sex once. She didn't like it, either giving or getting. She wanted to be finger f*ucked and would wake m e up when she finally came to bed 2am to be serviced that way. I had to get up at 4 to go to work and she took at least 30-45 min to climax. That was what precipitated sleeping on the front porch couch. I needed my sleep. She was such a light sleeper that I couldn't even roll over without waking her up and then being made to feel guilty for it as if I had done it on purpose. 25-30 yrs I've slept on that same couch on the front porch.

"Cheaper to keep her" is my motto. We separated once when someone sent her an email that I was having an affair. I wasn't but that didn't matter. And it didn't matter to mykids . All you have to be is accused. Guilty even after being proven innocent. Eventually, when I agreed to go to counseling was I allowed back in the house. And eventually the k ids began talking to mee and letting see my grandkids again. That was about 4 yrs ago.

Yes, I had an affair once...but it wasn't prearranged. It just happened. A woman in the very same predicament as myself. OMG, soooo much fun. It was like childhood vacations all over again. It was like college dating. Almost two months of bliss, both in and out of the bedroom. But her husband transferred out of state and that was that.

Now I guess I should stop looking and hoping. I remember Red warning Andy that hope can be a dangerous thing. That it can drive a man insane. I now know the truth of that statement. Porn doesn't interest me. It's just shows me what others have and I do not. Masturbation occurs when the frustration gets to where I have no other outlet.

Over the years people have asked, why do I stay. Just divorce her. You deserve to be happy. But I have experienced alienation from my family. At this point in life, its the k ids and grandkids that give meaning and bring happiness. What greater pleasure than to have a grandchild run when she sees you and wraps her arms around you and tells you how much she has missed you and loves you? Worth every bit of living in a sexless marriage. What more can I say? And yet "I hope the ocean is as blue as it is in my dreams."


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