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Emotions All Over-Make A Plan For Those You Love  

GreenEyedLady_60 60F  
1920 posts
12/21/2018 8:22 am
Emotions All Over-Make A Plan For Those You Love


My emotions have been all over the place this past week!

My ex husband - father of my six , was pretty close to death last Friday. Had his GF not called an ambulance to take him to the hospital, he surely would have died!

He was experiencing acute heart failure, and respiratory failure. He has COPD (emphysema) and had been feeling poorly for days, but because of his extremely stubborn nature -refused to seek care.

We were basically told to get up there (he lives about 3 hours away)! He has no DNR/DNI or living will.....nada!

So had any decisions needed to be made, it would have fallen on our adult ! I knew that he would not want any extraordinary means taken to keep him alive. He had expressed this to me many times during our marriage, but never put anything in writing.

The hospital basically decided to intubate him, and put him in a sort of medically induced sleep. When we got there....he looked like hell, and my girls fell apart. I went for exactly that reason!!

Happy to say that I truly believe in Christmas miracles - he is awake, off the vent and breathing on his own, with some assist of oxygen (from a canula in his nose). He is finally drinking water and eating at least some, and listening to the doctors and nurses caring for him.

He had some mental confusion for a few days, but that seems to be clearing up too. Most likely will spend Christmas in the hospital, but much better than the alternative we all feared for a time!!

I no longer love this man in a romantic way, but realized I absolutely love him as a man who means a lot to our !! I kissed his forehead when I left, and whispered for him to get well because our needed him.

I need to do now what he should have done- Make arrangements for how I want things handled for me - should something like that ever occur. I would hate for my to ever have to make one of the hardest decisions one can have to make!

Please do the same...........

Happy Holidays everyone


Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


GreenEyedLady_60 60F  
1910 posts
12/21/2018 8:24 am

Yup......

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Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


author51 57F  
95989 posts
12/21/2018 8:29 am

Oh my friend, a Christmas miracle indeed and so glad your ex is pulling through.. No matter our own personal relationships with our ex's, they are the father of our children and we continue to hope they along with us are here for our kids... My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.....xo

One can never have enough JOY in their life...


GreenEyedLady_60 60F  
1910 posts
12/21/2018 9:00 am

Thanks Joy....absolutely right about the personal relationship between exes! All need to think of the children, no matter what.

Things were very rough with us at the end of our marriage, but improved over time!

Thank you so much for the good thoughts my friend!

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


Paulxx001 63M
16586 posts
12/21/2018 10:53 am

Wow... I understand what you've been going through. I totally understand. Your suggestion is such a good one! Thanks for sharing.. 😶


redrockrascal 61M
21593 posts
12/21/2018 11:32 am

People should do Wills (living / Med PoA and for possessions) once they become adults. It is not difficult with all the resources that are available.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


PAWAPh 44M
12727 posts
12/21/2018 11:47 am

*He Is In My Prayers*

Jack


let_me_see1 61M  
664 posts
12/21/2018 12:19 pm

Last year, I did a will and a living will for the exact reason you have stated.....to take the burden off of my kids. I do not want to be the reason for what may be the hardest decision in their lives. Next up for me after the holidays is pre-funeral arrangements. I figured I will take that load off of them as well. Plus, they may spend more I me than they should....or less, depending on their mood at the time. LOL

I am glad your ex is doing better. It is amazing how we fall in love with someone, then grow into reasons to not want to be anywhere near them or have anything to do with them. But we all still know that our children's other parent would always be an important part of theirs and our lives, so we do want no harm to come to them. Hopefully, he continues to progress and gets home soon! And kudo's to the GF for disobeying his stubbornness!

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Story435 72M
3184 posts
12/21/2018 1:19 pm

Hello
I am glad that he did get better. It can be hard on kids and you for kids I understand that! I hope that he dose get better for all of you.
Have a good time at Christmas but I know it may not be all that good. I understand been through that last year with my wife that died on Nov. 27 last year.
Butch


pocogato12 68F  
33720 posts
12/21/2018 5:16 pm

Peace be unto you for ding a lovely thing. Your children will benefit much from this gesture.

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GreenEyedLady_60 60F  
1910 posts
12/21/2018 6:56 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Wow... I understand what you've been going through. I totally understand. Your suggestion is such a good one! Thanks for sharing.. 😶
Thank you!

I think many people don't want to think about it, or just keep putting it off thinking they have time, or perhaps even don't have the money to spend on a lawyer drawing things up. But it is something important to have.

Glad to share.....

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


GreenEyedLady_60 60F  
1910 posts
12/21/2018 7:03 pm

    Quoting redrockrascal:
    People should do Wills (living / Med PoA and for possessions) once they become adults. It is not difficult with all the resources that are available.
You are right,but many (like myself) put it off for some reason or another. Many times until it's too late.

My son, daughter-in-law and myself were talking about it on the ride up to see my ex. They have children and I mentioned to them that they need some kind of legal directive about custody of their children should something unforeseen and sudden happen to them (God forbid).

The ex and I did a do it yourself divorce....so I imagine they have similar things for other legal needs. I'll have to look into it.....

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


GreenEyedLady_60 60F  
1910 posts
12/21/2018 7:04 pm

    Quoting PAWAPh:
    *He Is In My Prayers*

    Jack
Thank you so much!!

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


GreenEyedLady_60 60F  
1910 posts
12/21/2018 7:18 pm

    Quoting let_me_see1:
    Last year, I did a will and a living will for the exact reason you have stated.....to take the burden off of my kids. I do not want to be the reason for what may be the hardest decision in their lives. Next up for me after the holidays is pre-funeral arrangements. I figured I will take that load off of them as well. Plus, they may spend more I me than they should....or less, depending on their mood at the time. LOL

    I am glad your ex is doing better. It is amazing how we fall in love with someone, then grow into reasons to not want to be anywhere near them or have anything to do with them. But we all still know that our children's other parent would always be an important part of theirs and our lives, so we do want no harm to come to them. Hopefully, he continues to progress and gets home soon! And kudo's to the GF for disobeying his stubbornness!
Yes it is a good idea to have these things done! Sometimes we like to think we're indestructible, but truth is we just human after all.

I think your girls would do right by you, but you are correct they might spend too much and we as parents don't really want them to do that.

Thanks for the good thoughts!

The ex and I had some rough times and angry words before the divorce, but had come to a more peaceful existence in the last few years (except if we were stupid enough to talk politics.....lol).

The relationship between our sons and their father has been a rocky one, but the love and concern is there. My girls....well they love their daddy very much.

Considering he was at deaths door a week ago, his progress has been amazing, even his doctors and nurses are impressed! He still has some "work" to do...but I think he realizes how lucky he was!

I did thank his GF for taking care of him, and he has been told he owes her much thanks too.....

Funny that his stubbornness has been his worst quality....but it has also been his best.....

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


GreenEyedLady_60 60F  
1910 posts
12/21/2018 7:24 pm

    Quoting Story435:
    Hello
    I am glad that he did get better. It can be hard on kids and you for kids I understand that! I hope that he dose get better for all of you.
    Have a good time at Christmas but I know it may not be all that good. I understand been through that last year with my wife that died on Nov. 27 last year.
    Butch
Hi Butch,

Thank you for your good thoughts. He still has some more recovering to do, but has improved greatly! Christmas will go on....but it will be a bit subdued this year a bit!

He may very well be in the hospital for it still, but our daughters are going to visit him and come home Christmas eve or very early Christmas morning....Some of our other children (who have children of their own) will visit him after Christmas,

Sorry to hear of your loss...I'm sure it was a tough thing for you...

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


GreenEyedLady_60 60F  
1910 posts
12/22/2018 9:28 am

    Quoting pocogato12:
    Peace be unto you for ding a lovely thing. Your children will benefit much from this gesture.
Thank you for the lovely words.... my children know that mom will always be there. 😊

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL


Dragonmaster6996 76M  
8 posts
1/7/2019 9:36 pm

As bad as that sounds, I've seen far worse.


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