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Dancing on my own  

Hvschickforfun 40F
53 posts
12/7/2020 10:52 am
Dancing on my own

This one is gonna be a tough one to write, but I need to while the emotions are still fresh. I should just let it go and after this I probably will lose a friend. It’s not that I don’t care in fact I care way too much about someone who doesn’t care about me or my feelings. You’d think I’d be use to it by now but it still sucks.

It all started after I decided to cut off SB off for good. I’d been fucking him regularly and was needed someone to continue to give me the sex I wasn’t getting at home. So I reached out to Doc and finally got up the courage to go meet him. The sex was good and so he became a regular. I’d go see him once a week and this lasted for over a year. Though I was fucking others here and there, he was the main one.

I knew he was seeing other people too. Although I didn’t really like it there wasn’t anything I could do about it. Those were my feelings and I knew it came with a FWB type of relationship. This is not my first rodeo with a FWB type of relationship. But when you fuck someone for that long and pretty regularly, other feelings happen. He knew about them and still continued to fuck me. So I took it as he was ok with the fact that there were more than the FWB feelings involved.

Everything was going great till the pandemic happened. When the world shut down I got overwhelmed with now being at home with my and not going anywhere. And so I didn’t see Doc for like 3 months. It’s not like I didn’t want to but I didn’t know much about the Corona and I have to look out for. I mean the way it was introduced to us it was a very deadly virus. Knowing what I know now, I think it’s all bullshit. It’s no deadlier than the flu. I had it. Not only did I get over it, but my family that stays in my face didn’t catch it. I know it affects people differently so don’t come for me about my opinions of it.

After everything started to open back up and I finally decided that it was ok to leave my house and go get the sex that I desperately needed. Doc had said he didn’t really see anyone and was getting sexually frustrated as well. So around the time I went, he had met this new gal. She was everything he dreamed of according to his blog. Young, wanted more and connected with him emotionally which BTW is very difficult to do. He doesn’t let people in easily and I spent the last 1.5 trying get him open up and he kinda did.

This chick is married and he very clearly said that he wouldn’t allow hisself fall for anyone that was married. Those are his exact words. But for some reason this chick comes into his life and I get shoved to the side. I mean the blog went from, she’s married and doesn’t know she’s unhappy to welllll she now wants out of the marriage and wants to see where things go in a matter of weeks. Ok cool.

I go over to his place and I get all in my feelings, like crying and just trying to understand what she had that I didn’t. Why he didn’t he have those feelings for me. At this time she was in the same exact boat I was. But those were my insecurities and my demons. I don’t think he meant to make me feel like I just wasnt good enough but he did. So that night was cut short and I went home and got myself together. I contemplated whether or not I should even continue to see him. But I wasn’t quite ready to end things. So I went back the next wee

Things were better and I kept my emotions in chec Here’s where things really got . As I was putting my clothes back on I heard his phone ding and I knew it was because I use it too and so I knew it was one of his other girls and he picks it up and I don’t know if he read it or what. But he knows how I feel and can’t wait till I leave to look at it. It wasn’t a phone call or a regular message from a “real” friend. I felt very disrespected. I mean idc that he’s fucking other girls, but at least have enough respect for me that when I’m there sucking your dick, that’s my time until I leave.

I have NEVER responded to another “fuck buddy” while I was with someone else. Had it been a regular call or it wouldn’t have bothered . But I left and I didn’t say anything. Again these are my demons within myself and I was just gonna let it go.

So the next week I texted him to make plans and he doesn’t even open it till the next day after I texted him again about what day would be good for him. And he was kinda a dick about it and told a day and said he was busy the rest of the days. I had a lot of my plate. I was dealing with my family and their addiction and work was overwhelming because of the pandemic and I just had a lot going on so when he decided to be a dick I jumped the and said I couldn’t see him anymore. I didn’t mean it but I got ahead of myself and popped off.

Did I expect him to beg for me, NO. But I didn’t really expect him to just write me off like he did. It was because of this married woman that all of a sudden now wants to be in a exclusive relationship. All of sudden now she wants a divorce. So when I tried to apologize is was too late. He now was going to do what he said he would never do an date married woman. Am I jealous? Fuck yeah I am. Why wouldn’t I be?

Now remember I’ve been seeing him for a while now and he knew I was struggling because I told him when I apologized and wanted to still see him and was told NO because of my feelings which he’s known about and now it’s not a good idea?? Whatever....

Not one time does he ever ask me if I’m ok! Not one time did he ever just to check up on . But yet takes her to the beach because she’s having a tough time and wanted her to get way from the stresses of life. Bless her soul! I was extremely hurt. Not because he took her to the beach but because I’ve been a great friend and I get nothing!

But I still continued to be a friend and I had some concerns and I got very little response out of him. I know, I should’ve cut my losses there and just been done with it but I know he’s a very closed off person so I just continued to just live life and things started to get better for me. My work got better, I lost the weight I’d been trying to lose and just felt good.

I would check in with Doc just because I want to know what’s going on in his life. I really want him to be happy. But then came the blog and it was basically everything that my gut said about this chic He took her on another weekend getaway and according to him it was less than perfect. I didn’t say anything. I know he cares about her and he was hurt. Then came the follow up blog.

Now this over the last 6 months, this is how long they’ve known each other. He said they’ve talked it out and he’s given an ultimatum and rules that she had to abide by. Huh..... oh and help for her divorce that won’t happen unless he makes her go through with it. Sounds like a fairytale, right?

So I gave him my opinion and pointed out that I was pretty spot on about this whole mess. Once again I got ignored. So I asked him if he still wanted be friends and I get cussed at and told to drop it. He doesn’t want to talk about her and he doesn’t need advice. Don’t need it or don’t want it? So I asked him if he doesn’t want advice/ opinions why put it out there for 0’s of people read and leave comments on. He tells me his blog is a place vent and I totally get that. He said that he’s gonna do wtf he wants to do regardless of what anyone says. Yeah, how’s that working out for ya? He also said that nobody gets the whole story. So why put half the story out there? Makes sense. I get you leave some things out. But either you’re making this chick out to be something she’s really not or you’re just pissed off because you don’t want to hear the truth.

Do I want to completely end my relationship with him, No, I don’t. I love him and that just doesn’t go away. But I’m sure he’s just gonna get mad and cut me off because of this blog. And honestly at this point, what am I really losing? According to him this girl doesn’t have much of good friends and I’m not sure why, but now she could be costing him his. I get it’s his life to live but I’m not gonna sit back and watch him throw it away and keep my mouth shut. So if you do decide to cut me off, it’s been real. I hope you get what you want. Sorry I wasn’t good enough. That’s exactly how you made me feel.

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