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What am I doing here?
Posted:Sep 20, 2021 2:20 pm
Last Updated:Oct 23, 2021 7:43 am
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What are you doing here?

I'm using this as a forum to express my sexuality. I want to expand my horizons.

This is also an invitation. I'm inviting you to respond to what I've written. Add to it. Share your thoughts. Tell me what you think. I want to become a better writer.

I really hope to find a co-author. You would live close enough to me for us to act out the scenes that would appear in this blog. Real life will inform the writing here.

Write with me. Join the fun. Push boundaries.
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Tantric discovery
Posted:Sep 20, 2021 2:15 pm
Last Updated:Oct 23, 2021 7:43 am
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We met online. It felt strange, at first. We were both a bit old to be connecting online. I’m 53 and Carole is 61. I thought online dating was a young person’s game. Obviously, I was wrong. Sometimes being wrong is a really good thing.

We shared texts and read each other’s profiles on a couple of different sites. We learned about each other, discovering a lot of shared interests. It was nice to learn we both liked the outdoors, both liked walks in the Colorado countryside, both liked to learn and were deeply curious. Those surface things were a good place to start.

Talking on the phone unveiled a much deeper compatibility. Carole and I shared a deep self-awareness. We also shared a capacity and desire for deep, intimate connection. Neither of us had joined the online community to find a sex partner. We were looking for that elusive communion with another person, a bonding together of hearts, minds, and bodies. Although we were slow to share too much, too soon, there was no doubt we also shared a hope that we’d found the answer to our search in each other.

Carole told me about some of the techniques of tantra, the ancient art of lovemaking. She told me about the incredible power of simply gazing deeply into each other’s eyes. We talked about sharing energy. I had never heard of such things before, but had deeply craved all the tantra promised. I didn’t even know I had been looking for that type of connection. I sure didn’t know there was an art to learning how to connect; techniques I could use to bond with someone. I hadn’t even met her face-to-face, but I already felt the potential for deep intimacy with Carole. I was hopeful!

We decided on a walk for our first face-to-face meeting. We brought along a chaperone, Carole’s dog. It was a perfect Rocky Mountain spring day, warm with a gentle breeze. Wildflowers dotted the meadows as we walked. Indian paintbrush greeted us at nearly every turn. It was perfect. It seemed natural to take Carole’s hand. It was warm and soft in mine. She smiled at me as if to say, “You read my mind.”

Our conversation meandered like the path through the woods. We paused often to admire the sights along the trail, or to enjoy the silence of being away from the city. Even the smells gave us reason to stop and savor. We talked about favorite places we’d been. We swapped a few funny stories. It was quiet, slow, and very romantic; a perfect day.

We sat down to rest next to a bubbling stream. There was an intensity in the moment that made any conversation unwelcome. Carole and I were very aware of one another. We turned face to face, looking deeply into each other’s eyes. Words were unnecessary. We were seeing each other, looking through the eyes down into our souls. I wanted her to look, to see me. I wanted to see her and know her.

I have no idea how long we sat there. My attention was absorbed in Carole’s eyes. I wasn’t hearing anything. I wasn’t smelling anything. Her eyes were my whole world. I placed my hands on either side of her face, drawing her closer to me. The intimacy of the gesture felt perfectly natural and right. Without a thought, I kissed her; my eyes still locked on hers. The sweetness of her breath mingled with mine. Her lips were warm and soft. Suddenly, I became aware of her as a woman, as the perfect complement to my manhood. Deep desire bubbled up from within me. This was a feeling beyond lust. It was a pure passion aroused by the connection of our deepest selves.

We pulled back from each other at the same time, sharing a smile. We were both out of breath from the long, tender kiss. I felt awkward all of a sudden, unsure what to do after that moment of intense closeness. “Can I kiss you again, Carole?”

“Yes, please do, John. That first kiss was lovely.”

We kissed again, this time savoring the taste and warmth of each other. We kissed like lovers, our tongues entwined, exciting each other. My hands were in Carole’s hair, feeling it slip softly between my fingers. We were communicating again, no words were necessary. Through the touch, the deep look into each other’s eyes, the kisses; all were saying “Yes! I see you. I honor you. I revel in you. I want more of you. I want to give myself to you.”

Voices coming up the trail brought us back to our senses, back to the reality of a world we have to share with others. We stood up to walk back down the trail, hand-in-hand.

The mind is a strange, confusing place. As we made our way back down the beautiful trail, doubts began to blow through my head. I was second-guessing the significance of the time we shared by the stream. Was I making things up? Was it wishful thinking? Was it just me? Even though we were walking hand-in-hand, still enjoying smiles, laughter, and easy conversation; I was still afraid I was making things up.

Too soon we were back at our cars, facing a decision. What next? I didn’t want our time to end, but the doubts were making me tentative.
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