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Simple pleasures
Posted:Dec 23, 2017 3:39 am
Last Updated:Nov 6, 2018 8:05 am
1484 Views

What I like about AdultFriendFinder is the freedom to be sexually expressive--yes, from self pleasuring to mutual pleasuring, to watching others pleasure each other, to corresponding about pleasures, to meeting others and participating in whatever level of pleasuring is mutually desired. This just seems so healthy to me. Yes it can be complicated by overdoing the pleasuring compulsively; by insisting on behaviors that are disrespectful of others (thinking of the #metoo outrage); by losing interest in other pleasures or obligations; by risking trouble more than respecting safety and maintaining sanity. But that's also true of competitive games, even of eating and drinkinggambling, binge this, binge that!

Here's where the slogan "Keep It Simple Stupid" is useful. Yes is Yes. No is No. And MAYBE is just that--maybe yes, maybe no. It may take time, honesty, acceptance of ambiguity to find out what maybe means. Another slogan comes to mind: "When in doubt, DON'T!" Mistakes happen but they don't have to be repeated, in fact recognizing the mistake is the beginning of making sure it doesn't happen again. This site shares the fun, often for everyone. That's enough for me. How about you? Simply have a happy ...
2 Comments
Dealing with loneliness
Posted:Nov 29, 2017 1:08 am
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2020 4:20 am
1479 Views

Sexless marriage? Lonely but loyal? Therapy aka marriage counseling? Different sexual self-understandings? I've struggled with all those questions openly, intensely, and all through life. I've learned on AdultFriendFinder that even though we're all different, there are bonds that weave us together as well. My sex drive has always been enormous but fears and anxiety helped me restrain my sexual desires. Advice to be open and honest is wise but only in the context of mutuality, or shared respect, of the ability to consent to sane, safe sexual activity without implicit or explicit coercion. Implicit coercion has to do with power imbalances: your position to employ, teach, advance, influence my future can damage my position of ignorance, confusion, neediness, vulnerability. Explicit power imbalance: open, one-way harassment, assault, abuse, coercion as if your feelings were all that mattered and I was just there to pleasure you. Say what?

What does sex have to do with loneliness? When you eventually work out a sane regard for your own sexual needs as well as the needs of the one you are or want to be sexual with, then you feel a certain contentment. It can happen that your partner no longer wants or is no longer able or interested in sex with you or quite possibly with anyone else either, then you are faced with the pain of what to do.

Some of us leave the relationship, get divorced. Some of us use porn to siphon off the frustration of the spigot of lust that doesn't shut off. Some of us go out and risk having fun, getting caught, catching something we didn't want. Outside of this site there are swarms of people who are all too eager to hurl epithets like Cheater! or Slut! or worse.

For me fidelity does not mean sexclusivity. That's exactly what it means to many if not most people. If the dynamics in marriage change, it is possible to cope with loneliness as mentioned here, but the loneliness may not disappear. Freud taught that the aim of therapy is not to eliminate suffering but to move it from neurotic (self-imposed) suffering to normal suffering we all experience as part of being alive.

Lonely? Yes. We're not alone though. In some ways we're allone--all one. Between the walls that divide us we are ONE. "l" one "l" y? Sorry, I couldn't resist playing with the word l one l y. Have an exceptional holiday.
0 Comments
Sexthics of pleasure: consent and/or coercion
Posted:Oct 31, 2017 2:51 am
Last Updated:Nov 1, 2017 3:08 am
1502 Views

What do you think of all the media coverage of women and men coming out dissing powerful men? Do you think these women/men have never been inappropriate or disrespectful or expressively horny with other women/men in ways that were not certifiably consensual (no drugs or alcohol or age differences or power imbalances involved)? I just wonder if sexual abuse is so easy to claim since the whole issue of sexual expression and activity outside of heteronormative, monogamous, married, singular, procreative sex is taboo. Since sexual ethics [sexthics ] along with anatomy and physiology is not taught everywhere, how is one to find out about those hormonal influences without some sexperimentation?

I don't believe anyone wants to be abused. I do believe that many men and women experience their sexual interests very strongly, insistently even, and we take risks in sexual self efficacy--the desire to please ourselves AND the partner. In BDSM is the wall between consent and coercion simply a safe word? Are no other, subtler, influences involved? How do most men and women on this site find out about their sexual proclivities? How do they feel about them?

I wonder if railing against sexual expressions that are not strictly conventional, we are distracted from issues of paying for health care, tax reform, a culture of belligerence and preparation for war, not to mention incivility. Any thoughts?
2 Comments
Sex: Renewable Energy
Posted:Oct 22, 2017 1:28 am
Last Updated:Oct 23, 2017 4:13 am
1532 Views

Sex is such a renewable resource. It fuels happiness, synergy as well as serenity. It's like bonding with others while affirming the self. It's great solo and even greater together. Never had a group sex experience though I find them intriguing to watch online. I just watched a 50 year old woman play with her ample breasts and big nipples. Lots of us watched and commented and she responded happily because of the attention and appreciation we showed. When asked she said "he is sleeping like a log". I guess that's her hubby or bf. Seems like the resource of fondness, fondling, fondue, fond-of-you is all around us, mostly hidden in plain sight. So renewable, too. Mmmmm.
1 comment
Risk being a Gift^:-J
Posted:Oct 15, 2017 2:42 am
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2020 4:20 am
1536 Views

Chances are if you're on AdultFriendFinder you catch your breath thinking about photos/vids/profiles you see and hear. Your imagination kicks in and you imagine the babe and/or bud or group enjoying you, too. Mmmm. You want to give yourself to the moment of pleasure supposing, hoping, expecting it will be mutual.

Pleasure shared is Treasure paired--a hot gift, a comfort, a risk. With our clothes on no matter how different (individual) we appear, we conform to social expectations. What we wear hides who we are, even if it teases the imaginations of others as we may wish.

No one truly wants to be humiliated, denigrated, judged, blamed, threatened, punished, well, maybe for the purposes of BDSM "fun", but not really deep down, or on front page news or even B section page 20! But being naked is a risk, opens the potential for vulnerability, for exposure in the shadows of a taboo society.

But Butt+ lovers-- no risk, no gift. Somehow you gotta solve the problem of fear, repression, insecurity, inhibition -- how about thinking of being safe, sane and consensual -- in order to enjoy the promise of pleasure.

Hey, cum on over. We don't hafta mix microbes, do we?
0 Comments
We are not our photos or videos. So what are we?
Posted:Sep 21, 2017 3:56 am
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2020 4:20 am
1716 Views

Just removed my photos and videos--the longing seduction of that moment now gone. That's what photos and videos are--artifacts from a river of time into which we never step twice. Hell, even our profiles are but written snapshots of the moment we wrote them What's real is the ambiguity of our organic presence. Even our clothes on the floor or in a drawer or still in the store are soon washed, ironed, closeted. Ah, the closet. Is that where we store our self image?

We truly are naked. Woohoo! I love it! Well, in moderation I guess. But oh my why??? are we so quick to dress with cloth that which hides our heart? Why with images snapped/shuttered/videoed? Why with words like these?

Rather let me feed your hunger, your thirst, be your fresh air. Visit your loneliness, your suffering, your .... I am not a glossy mag cover, movie (porn) star, catalog model, dialog expert, matinee idol. I'm just me to whom pleasure's a treasure, in whom affection is confection, wanting to be salve for the sunburn of conceit.

Let's skinny dip
0 Comments
Beyond the "dust and injury of age" to happiness
Posted:Sep 18, 2017 3:37 am
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2017 11:41 am
1687 Views

AdultFriendFinder has introduced me to so many interesting, hot, sexy, thoughtful, spiritual men and women. It is so liberating to celebrate of our sexuality in a still-mostly-fearful and ambivalent culture where sex is a code word for slurs, shame and guilt. As I see it we're a society that mixes money much more easily and frequently than we mix microbes (you know, like kissing for example). But somehow we prefer "filthy lucre" to risky passion. We accept the risks of driving at rush hour more than the risks of showing affection.

We tend to adore what's "new", "young", "athletic", fashionable and pass by the etchings of time and injury. But that's not always true as so many on AdultFriendFinder have shown me. There is a kindness along with passion I've felt and experienced from a number of you. True, it's been 99% correspondence but touching all the same.

Some of us have also been deeply touched by loneliness, by complex but stable relationships, by what Shakespeare called "the dust and injury of age". But we don't despair. We don't give up. We recognize something priceless and juicy and alive in one another--perhaps between office visits, work, and a cascade of responsibilities. Our happiness, though brief and less frequent than craved, delays time's sickle. Those in the know still go with the flow. Thank you, found friends, for dwarfing time. Woohoo
2 Comments
Safe, Sane, Consensual FUN together
Posted:Aug 16, 2017 2:53 am
Last Updated:Aug 24, 2017 3:40 am
2379 Views

There are so many ways to have fun sexually in addition to sucking and fucking and playing with the exit as an enhancing, enchanting entrance Of course masturbation is always handy and delightful when shared mutually by itself and/or as foreplay. And who isn't for play, literally a prelude to a special kind of fun? Then there's massage, relaxing, therapeutic, sensual, erotic, exotic, "hey, let's get acquainted!" Some of us really like corresponding, massaging between the ears safe from fears, switching gears, sharing CHEERS!

On AdultFriendFinder I've found such amazing diversity in pleasures and willingness to sexplore them. The experience assures me that there are many ways to enjoy our sexuality in addition to or even instead of the Cadillac pleasures we are conditioned to expect, however insane or unlikely or fearful or taboo. What really matters, as I feel it, is connecting, communicating, sharing, being "a satire to decay" as Shakespeare sees the Muse in Sonnet 100. (Whew, can't believe the bard was such a hot guy!) The sun has come out today!
4 Comments
Time and Place
Posted:Jul 22, 2017 6:56 am
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2020 4:20 am
2288 Views

Just want to say THANK YOU! to all the men and women who've done more than view my profile; who have hotlisted, flirted, added me as a friend, and most warmly have corresponded or actually met face to face! Time is an artist that etches a 1000 words onto our bodies that appear in photos, videos, intros and more. Where we used to sit in places where we could expect unconventional conversations--bars, nude beaches or resorts for example--on AdultFriendFinder we engage imaginations to ring the bells of our desires. Or not. As such we may meet more people than we ever would in physical space and time. In the end (talking of time ) we are fortunate to meet only a few people similarly inclined--especially if neither can host nor want to rent a room. We may (and often do) have the inclination to meet but neither the time nor place click the meeting into place.

As Tony and Maria sing to each other in West Side Story: "There's a place for us, a time and place for us...." Yup. There need not be a lethal "curtain call". Hope we can hold hands and get half way there--maybe even hold glands and get there! Woohoo! Imagine that
0 Comments
Shadow and Substance
Posted:Jun 16, 2017 7:03 am
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2020 4:20 am
2458 Views

My latest photos included a morning shadow silhouetted from a bright bedside light. I didn't see how to copy it here but it's among my profile photos. It's my left breast and nipple. At 73 there changes be in body chemistry, as is plain to see. Estrogen + Testosterone - . A harmonization in me of masculine and feminine. Something not unexpected in a Gemini I guess. Not into labels personally--bisexual--they're way too definitive for an experience I consider fluid.

Soooo, cyber fun is more like the shadow on the wall, or like this electronic ink you're seeing. The substance of my mind=body=spirit trinity hologram (ho, ho, ho is really just suggested in photos and videos. These representations are history the moment taken. We never step in the same stream twice, as they say in the classics The substantial me is a present experience far more complex and engaging than my unshopped photo/vids! Age is substantial, undeniably, but it's also a huge social construct, fabricated to box us into phantoms or cartoons or caricatures representing who we substantially are.

You see my shadows but just maybe a few will get to enjoy my ..., uh, my substance. Be good to yourselves, everyone. You're so much more special and substantial than your shadows. Woohoo
0 Comments
Oral pleasures
Posted:May 15, 2017 2:31 am
Last Updated:Aug 25, 2017 1:56 am
2575 Views

Mixing microbes. Hey, talk is easy and fun. But the thrill of tonguing, nibbling, licking, sucking, touching moistures is ecstatic. I've read that only 10% of our microbes are our own--90% are from other microbes. In kissing we mix microbes and enjoyed long enough (???) yours neutralize mine and vice versa. I think that means we might be related in ways we never imagined. Intimacy can be more than philosophical--it can be microbial Are there risks? Of course. And our fear-based society threatens illness and imposes taboos and conventions to make the slosh and goo of oral pleasures disgusting. I don't really understand wham bam thank you ma'am. To connect orally gets close to diplomacy, mutuality, reciprocity, hell, fun. I'm looking for friends of like mind who don't mind and would enjoy mine.
3 Comments
Young and Older
Posted:Apr 18, 2017 2:26 am
Last Updated:Oct 16, 2017 2:39 am
2347 Views

A nice young man in his 20s sent a friend request. That was so nice and I said so.
He replied with a "Hey, how's it going?" I took the standard question as an invitation and replied: "Thanks for asking. I remain young at heart, horny, curious about life and sex. Looking for a fuck buddy. Not having enough luck with that. I enjoy meeting people on this site. What I notice is that everyone is different. I find that interesting. There are a lot of complainers here: so many women are harsh and judgmental before you even get acquainted! So many men complain that there are so many fakes and phonies here. I stay away from complainers. It's not that there isn't a lot to complain about, but there's even more to be happy about. I think most of us just want to have some fun, feel good for awhile, share some heavy breathing." I think we're all looking for something missing that we need or at least want. This site makes it possible to connect fantasy to quasi reality, if not reality. To enter a socially taboo zone and enjoy the view, the communication, the pleasure away from the all too frequent "war zone" of daily life. Hmu, gals and guys. Best wishes to all!
3 Comments
Letting go of insistent expectations
Posted:Mar 23, 2017 2:12 am
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2017 7:08 am
2884 Views

As age turns the page on passion I've come to a new way of looking at grumbling, at complaints of fakes and phonies on AdultFriendFinder. I think the complainers may suffer from insistent expectations. As in--why can't you follow through on getting together when you write that you want to?!?!?!? Makes us mad. We're on this site because there's something missing in our lives and we feel as though we can and should be able to help each other out, especially when we say we want to. Right? Right! Our reality, however, is that we want what we want when we want it, and too bad about "YOUR" silly realities. Uh oh. How to ruin a good day. We in our culture allow many responsibilities, inhibitions, and obligations (not to mention cultural conditioning with guilt and shame) to push aside the gratification of our desires. (That's one reason I enjoy porn so much--it's all neatly presented and soon over and done with Of course, it's also a lame substitute for the real thing. Sorta like You say tomahto and I say tomayto, you say potahto and I say potayto--Let's call the whole thing off!!!)

Sooo, I have found that I hold my expectations lightly. Of course, like anyone, I'm disappointed when a plan falls through, but hey, it's okay, there's another day to play. At least I try to let it go and move on. Sometimes I'm the one who can't make the plan happen! Smell that
5 Comments

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