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Letting go of insistent expectations  

Ianpoman 76M  
76 posts
3/23/2017 2:12 am
Letting go of insistent expectations

As age turns the page on passion I've come to a new way of looking at grumbling, at complaints of fakes and phonies on AdultFriendFinder. I think the complainers may suffer from insistent expectations. As in--why can't you follow through on getting together when you write that you want to?!?!?!? Makes us mad. We're on this site because there's something missing in our lives and we feel as though we can and should be able to help each other out, especially when we say we want to. Right? Right! Our reality, however, is that we want what we want when we want it, and too bad about "YOUR" silly realities. Uh oh. How to ruin a good day. We in our culture allow many responsibilities, inhibitions, and obligations (not to mention cultural conditioning with guilt and shame) to push aside the gratification of our desires. (That's one reason I enjoy porn so much--it's all neatly presented and soon over and done with Of course, it's also a lame substitute for the real thing. Sorta like You say tomahto and I say tomayto, you say potahto and I say potayto--Let's call the whole thing off!!!)

Sooo, I have found that I hold my expectations lightly. Of course, like anyone, I'm disappointed when a plan falls through, but hey, it's okay, there's another day to play. At least I try to let it go and move on. Sometimes I'm the one who can't make the plan happen! Smell that

BiggLala 48F  
29059 posts
3/23/2017 2:36 am

Personally, I expect that someone approach me without expectation that I will have sex with them just because I'm on this site. Sex is not a foregone conclusion just because one person contacts another, that they chat a bit with you or that they meet you. Nothing should be expected until both parties agree that they want to be behind closed doors together taking off each other's clothes.

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BiggLala 48F  
29059 posts
3/23/2017 2:37 am

And I don't mean you personally...just 'you' in general.

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DragonShy_89 31M
118 posts
3/23/2017 3:36 am

These are very good points... wish I had your wisdom.

We're all human beings with our own thoughts, feelings, hang-ups, interests and desires. Sex is never a soley mechanical act, no matter how much or how little feeling we put into it.

Personally speaking, understanding and connecting with people is where I struggle the most so I just prefer to keep my distance. I feel that my expectations are way too high... but then again I'm also really hard on myself, critical of others but also considerate enough so I don't think I actually know where they lie. Let's say they're really high and I'm in denial.

I don't really expect much from anyone, and don't go around showing interest in women just to try and get some action. I hardly ever approach a lady online at all, and when I do it's because I'm frustrated... obviously I know how stupid that sounds. I'm curbing that completely. Offline, I don't ever expect anything from anyone. On the other side of things, if someone were nice to me, gave me a chance and we went on a good date, I feel that I'd owe her something even if I weren't comfortable with it.

I guess the passions that envelop us can be too much sometimes. This is a place of embracing them, but letting them swirl around inside oneself too much and putting them before common sense only serves to be detrimental.

Thanks for this. You've given me something very significant to reflect upon today.

Ianpoman 76M  
74 posts
3/23/2017 4:40 am

Thank you DragonShy for your intelligent, insightful comments. You are wise, imo. It grows. I love the openness of so many younger people to the activities going on internally in the wealth of functions each of us carry around each day. Some are private even though we all "do" them every day. You know what I mean, I'm sure. Others are public like encountering others with as many passions and dysfunctions as our own even if they are different. Our worlds are getting richer--simply more complex It helps to air and share them. We change over time and can become more loving and available.

coranimuscorcill 55F  
801 posts
5/20/2017 5:04 am

Respect by and to both/all parties is always in order.

You're invited to CorPlay anytime.
Kinky-ish coffee or before bed time fun in favorite chat rooms.
Life is too short not to laugh!
Peace, light, love

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