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Sometimes it's just me........  

KtMnDu 68M
7227 posts
10/23/2013 5:17 pm
Sometimes it's just me........


Went out for dinner last night.......it took me a long time to get comfortable going out to eat by myself.......movies were easy, but sitting alone in a restaurant took some practice for me. There's this self-consciousness to get past........sit there and stair into space, bring a book, look around at all the happy couples......you just know that they are all looking at you and wondering why is he here alone......maybe that first glass of wine will take the edge off.........

Got past all that a number of years back, and now it is quite enjoyable for me. I do love to eat, and being waited on is a bonus.......and good food in entertaining surroundings is just the best.....short of having someone to share that with.

And given the rather robust imagination that I have been blessed with, looking around at the other diners brings up all kinds of scenarios .....and no doubt altered realities.

I notice first those like myself who are there alone......not too many, but there are usually a few. Now, I have seen way too many movies in my time, and as a result, the lone woman at the table across the room stands out.....not because of the way she looks, but because my mind hears her voice as she asks to share my table.....the seductive give and take begins.....the food is hardly touched.....we leave with hands on each other......mad, passionate sex ensues......and we live happily ever after...........

Beyond that bit of whimsy, there are the couples in the room. I have this initial jealousy, but that is short-lived. I feel pretty good about myself at this point in my life, and as such, yea, I would love to be sharing this meal with a woman, but I am quite fine alone....tonight, at least......thank you. Now, I have absolutely no idea what is going on between other people at other tables, but I imagine a full range of possibilities. A few appear to be on first dates......maybe the way they are dressed, or the mannerisms and body language toward each other. The older couples I like....there is this comfort there.....they have done this a lot......maybe too often, and it is nothing special.......but at least they are still at it. Some couples might as well be alone, for they seem distracted or detached from the moment, with nothing to say to each other. And then some spend their time on their phones.......

But then there are the ones that are truly sharing the moment......they pay attention to each other, they reach out and touch each other........they discuss the menu.....the share their food.....they smile, they laugh, they seem happy..........or so I imagine, and those couples I feel a bit of jealousy about.......good for them............

The restaurant I went to is what a friend of mine refers to as a "Nouveau Groovo" Asian food place.......I had Walnut Shrimp......which for whatever reason doesn't seem very Asian to me.......and a few glasses of Chardonnay.........very nice meal, even if I was alone.........

I get in my car afterwards, and as I drive away, my iPod, on shuffle, brings up Judy Collins with "Send In The Clowns".........I love that song, and it really doesn't relate here, but it always puts me in a contemplative mood...........and my mind goes off and ponders where I am at this point in my life...........

And those clowns?.........I think they relate to how foolish we can be at times in our lives...........but that's for another post..........

Send In The Clowns

Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air..
Where are the clowns?

Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move...
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.

Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours.
Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines...
No one is there.

Don't you love farce?
My fault, I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want...
Sorry, my dear!
And where are the clowns
Send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here.

Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late in my career.
And where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns...
Well, maybe next year.

Stephen Sondheim

MyNameIsKay 59F  
11823 posts
10/26/2013 8:12 pm

It's been a while since I've dined alone like that. When I was single, I would take vacations alone. I figured if I waited for someone to travel with, then I may never go anywhere. I would always have a sit down dinner at a nice place wherever I was vacationing. Sometimes the waiter would feel self-conscious because I would watch everything he did instead of be engrossed in conversation with a date. Yep...been a long time since I've done that...

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