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I didn't know  

Lady1Kat 53F
4 posts
5/6/2021 8:29 am
I didn't know

FORWARD: In my youth, I was a really naughty girl...not that anyone Never bursted my bubble for though. What a mother fucker was, getting that bubble bursted..I'll just spill all in this blog post. Eh what the hell, may take all night, some ups n downs of pees n drinks. But lets finally just tell, , a lot, of people, what this creep did. Then when I remember, 24 years later, since the bubble burster, bursted my bubble. I remembered, because was still haunting me. And another 3 years later, I was told by a family therapist, to make sure nothing ever happened to my family, by this creep (he, she called the creep). Of course I am not savvy, to just investigate, since, I ended up telling my then 20 y.o. , what I write below. My of course could not help telling my mother and my mother confronted this creep she married. Then this creep did this me, tells my family, I am a liar. I do not know what I am supposed think these days, other then, what I innocently thought before, nothing happened. Till like a horror movie in motion...2008...some bubble burster says, oh hell no, he did what he wanted do, you, and put your shorts back on you...
BODY: In 1984, summer time, and sweltering...if you can imagine...a low of 80 degrees plus humidity through the nights, this is the weather. The kind of weather, that makes so many of us want stay up all night and party like crazy...how I have missed so many of those nights in my domestication and introversion.
Any way....one night summer of 1984, I had a date... with a really good guy, about three years older then me, later became an active military man, stationed in Hawaii, and I ditched him because I thought he was boring, what a dumb young lady, I was. And I was bored that night, so instead of going home after the date, I had my friend Jerry, drop me off near, another friends place, so I thought, it was a friends place. This fake friend was nine years older then me, had spent many a day stopping by my stoop, from time to time in 1980, 1981, 1983, 1984, 1985. I sat on the stoop to be outside and read, and he would walk by me, try talk to me, to make useless discussions with me, give attention to a neglected young lady...I was too naive to guess he wanted to gain my physical attention. And when I say many a day, he did this, I mean to the order of three plus years, listed above. Now this is some time, and serious buttering up behavior, any sound mind knows.
Well...long story short, what I thought would be a fun time with my friend I trusted, turned out be a few minutes of drinking warm beer, and smoking marijuana and being given an open palm of a pill or three choose from and being told I did not have to return home to my mother to be yelled at, possibly beat. I could stay and sleep in his bed and he would sleep in the closet where the twin bed was and he would Not touch me. Which I thought okay good thing, because I did not think of him in a sexual way at any time, this night or in the past. I thought he was a friend of four years and I could trust him. And am I guilty? Guilty was 80 plus degrees out and had shed my constricting bra and very short half t-shirt off in order passout/sleep comfortably. I can say I am Not guilty of passing out and thinking I was safe.
A little, more about the scene is, in the cities, when you have a house with a walk-in closet, it often becomes an additional bedroom. This is where he slept on a twin bed, where the closet door faced the head of the bed I was passed out in. These are all things I consciously remember. Now this time, I remember very well, how he poured it me while I was unconscious and I called out my real lovers , Tommy. I know I said above about being on a date, with Jerry and I was, because, I had a really mixed up life, and my lover Tommy n me, we were nine years apart in age and fighting a lot that summer, so, we were on a break.
The incident happened in the morning hours, about 6:30 a.m I remember daylight while he was fucking me with my shorts around my ankles, then ankle, because he pushed my legs apart and my shorts fell. A few hours later about 9:30 a.m I woke with my shorts on and intact. I quickly put my bra and half t-shirt back on as the world spun around me, and I headed to his kitchen sink where I found a glass, filled it from the tap and gulped the water as if it were life itself. He followed, said are you aright and tried touch my shoulders to keep me from falling, since, I almost passed out from dizziness, after that, I found my shoes and fled for home.
I do not remember much about recovering from the hang over, pretty sure I went in the garage at home and layed on a lawn chair, until my mother was gone, I felt sore in my between my legs. A couple days later when I felt better I rode my bike by his place, where I saw him clipping the hedge, in the yard at his house. I stopped briefly and asked him please Don't tell Tommy, I was here, and he said oh I won't. Because Tommy was actually a bad m f, and he really thought this guy was wierd and always told me, stay away from him, I don't know what is, but he's wierd, stay away from him.
The year after this happened, this creep. got with my mother and she is now married him. Many times I told my mother in the past, "I don't know what is but, I feel so tense around Jo".
Five years later I had a fight with the father of my two oldest, , were at that time, not yet conceived, but during this fight he told me, "Jo said he fucked you!" I was so appalled, I left our home, that second, jumped in my car and drove to my mothers house and confronted her with this information. At the time she convinced me, my man I was arguing with, was lying to me and to forget about it. I said why would my man lie, he had no reason to, but then again Shep was a real trouble maker...so I had to let it go. But I know in my heart and mind what Shep told me is the truth. Since later, a time when I had to stay at my mothers, when me and my supposed liar mans was a just born. One day, I went to make my bed and was a corner of a piece of paper like torn from a book, I found in my unmade bed, had written on it "still you". I left the short stint of staying at my mothers shortly after. I have many more examples and proofs of his behavior towards what I know to be the truth, that he did this to me. I stayed Away as much as I could, I even moved to Wisconsin. I didn't get to be away for long, since my mother decide she, had to move here to, since I am her .
Many years passed, I drank more and more and acted out in anger at different times. Around the time I started going through a divorce, I started get help, but in 2008, I was close a man, the bubble burster. He would ask a million and eight questions about my sordid past. He gave me his thoughts and his masculine knowledge, his truths. He told me, oh no, this creep married to your mother, he did what he wanted to you, back then, and put your shorts back on you the way they were. So at that time I began inspecting into my memory and already knew of what he told me, to be true, because of how tense and uncomfortable I was, when I had to be around this creep.
Back when this creep on my mother, she had gained very little attention for many years. She had asked me what do I do, I said go for . I had no idea he was going attach himself her permanently.
EPILOGUE: I was made aware in 20 by the family therapist I listed above, of the grooming behaviors this creep did my young family. He would give the money and candy and tell them rub his belly. At times, he also gave me money, through the years, he gave me a car in 2009. I stressed out and drove drunk and wrecked the car in a roll over accident during a snow storm on 2009 on Christmas night.
My had loved this creep at one point and thought I was trying to lie about, him doing this to me, in the past. When my told my mother in 20 because I had tell my , in order make sure nothing ever happened him by this creep. My mother confronted the creep and he stopped doing those behaviors, I listed above, and started going to church, I suppose he felt dirty and thought he had something to prove. I could care less, he went to church when my mother would tell me he was going to church, I have no idea why this impressed her. When she knows all I think this person is very much a deviant. Especially since he started drinking hard liquor again, every night, and emotionally abuses my mother is over a decade his senior, making her 71. I cannot stand this, I cannot stand the reports I get from my mother's grandchildren.
Of course is more this twisted tale, but I can tell you through all of the beginning of , all the while this creep was trying make advances on me, I never ever gave in,(why would I he makes me want puke) I got rid of him every time, and I have many examples. I had try and live...the whole thing just scared me and creeped me out beyond belief, still does. has driven my family apart and my into heavy drug use. Because my beautiful is a whole other part of the sick story. I am away and will stay away. I even think of leaving the precious place I am, in, and move across the country to be near my father. Where I know none of this can touch me any more. But I know I won't, because is more my life then this, and I have separate the parts. just bothers , almost every day, and many other things from my past. I have move on, find a way stop thinking of these things. So this is my release, although feels very minimal, like this part of the past is not over, but simmering.
If you have read this, I hope makes sense, keep in mind I write this with very little literary and grammical education, so please ask questions if you like. Please be aware of the drug rohypnol and what it does. Never leave your drink, unattended, never accept party favors. And thanks in advance for your comments and well wishes

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