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LiveLifeDoU 65F  
1180 posts
9/7/2017 12:55 pm
What are you here for?

I don't know about you, but I am here to blog and to have fun, flirty, sexy chats with friends in the public chat rooms.

It was suggested by a friend that I write a blog on the problems I have been having lately with a stalker/harasser in the public chat rooms. I did write an initial blog on this, titled ‘the basement…a personal journey’.

Since I wrote that blog, the situation has escalated quite a bit.

There is the almost daily (and sometimes twice a day) harassment from this stalker with all his usual false statements that I am a fake, that I have multiple profiles, that I stalk him from room to room, that I bash all the new subs in the bdsm basement chat room so they end up leaving, etc.

There have been two incidents since my first blog, though, that have escalated this to a new level. And both happened on the same, very long day.

On several occasions, in the Mature Room, chatters had talked about how far they’d travelled to visit someone they had met on the site. I had mentioned that I traveled to the UK to meet someone I had met on the site, that I found out when I got there that he was married.

A couple of days ago, this stalker/harasser brought this up in the basement chat room, as he was doing his usual bashing of me. No problem, what is said in the public chat rooms is, after all, public. It did tell me, however, that he was a frequent visitor in the Mature Room under a handle I had not associated with him but that’s another story lol What escalated this was that, as usual, he elaborated on the truth…he stated that I harassed the wife of this man in the UK so badly when I was there visiting that she called the cops, had me arrested and stated I was then deported from the UK.

Now that’s a bit serious of an allegation, in my book. I immediately got on the phone to the abuse department and reported what he’d said, they looked at the chat log and eventually, a couple of hours later, that handle was banned.

The second incident happened later that evening, in the BBW room. The stalker/harasser had been in the room under a new handle, mildly harassing me with the usual stuff but we pretty much ignored him, as we know we should. He actually had two handles in the room at the same time…or he has a friend, we aren’t sure yet. Both were doing the bashing and harassing. Close to midnight, I decided I needed to try to go to sleep, though I wasn’t real sleepy, so I said good night to all my friends there and closed things down. But, turned out, I couldn’t sleep so, about 20 minutes later, I got up, turned my computer back on and went back into the BBW room to chat. If you’ve never been to a public chat room, you can see about 25-30 posts people have made on the chat room screen. I usually scan that as soon as I go into a room, just to see who is there, what people are talking about etc. Neither of the two stalkers/harassers had posted anything that I could see. As soon as I said hi to everyone, up pops one of them with a statement about how I lied about going to bed. Really. Like I said, I usually ignore him but this time, I replied, said I had not lied, I had tried to go to sleep, just couldn’t sleep, end of story. But that did start an onslaught of bashing from him and his friend to the point that friends in the room…and even people I didn’t know….told them to back off, etc.

The two stalker/harassers were very aggressive about what they said and soon the chat screen was filled with their awful posts and with the posts of people in the room telling them to back off. There were already half a dozen chatters who posted they were leaving the room due to the drama. That always happens as well.

I got on the phone and reported all of this to the abuse department. It was easy for them to look at the chat log real time and make the decision to ban the two stalker/harasser handles. They were gone within 10 minutes of my phone call.

And that started the second phase of the incident.

Less than 5 minutes after the ban of the two handles, this stalker/harasser came back with a new one and immediately began bashing me hard. In the month this has been going on, I had never seen the aggressiveness he was now showing. Among other things, he threatened that anyone who talked to me would be reported to the site and stated that the CEO of the site had been notified of all that he claimed I was doing.

This stalker/harasser and his friends always go after anyone who visits with me or stands up for me against him. And so they did this time.

He targeted one person who had stood up for me just a few minutes earlier. The stalker/harasser’s allegations came one after the other so quickly in the chat room screen that there was no time in between his posts for anyone in the room to post anything. And the allegations were horrible.

The site will not allow me to use the exact words or even words close to what was stated in the chat room by these stalkers/harrassers...I have had to edit this blog a half dozen times just to get it to post. You will have to exchange much harsher words for the mild ones I use here to understand how bad the posts were: he stated my friend had *** assaulted people, stated that I and my friend had visited the Portugese chat room on the site and forced chatters to submit to ** assault, that we worked as a team to lure chatters in to perform ** acts with my friend and that we got them banned if they refused. And the list goes on.
While this was being said, several people in the room expressed disgust at the stalker/harasser’s lies because we all know my friend and know they were lies.

But up popped someone who defended the statements being made, stated that my friend needed to prove they were lies or he was going to believe what the stalker/harasser was saying. After a few posts, it was easy for all of us to see this new, second handle was either the stalker/harasser himself or another one of his friends….he began bashing anyone who stood up for my friend…the style of the bashing is very identifiable.

During the course of this half-hour or so love fest, my friend stood up for himself regarding the allegations of ** assault. We also backed him up.

Of course, I was on the phone immediately with the abuse department…for the third time that day/night. They did a real-time look at the log and within a few minutes, the main stalker/harasser profile was gone.
But the second one remained. And then he was joined by a new handle. And the bashing continued. However, it had calmed down now, more to the level it usually is…one post in four in the room was from one of these two harassers, bashing one person or another…instead of the relentless post after post we’d just witnessed.

I got on the phone for a fourth time to the abuse team. Unfortunately, after looking at the chat room log, they determined the two harassers had not violated the TOU’s to the point of getting banned. So we all had to just put them on ignore so we could get back to what had been a nice, fun, flirty chat in the room.
However, I then got a mail on the site from the friend they had bashed so horribly….he’d just received a notice from the site that he was banned…for 7 days. The site no longer tells you specifically why you were banned; we can only assume it was because my friend used the words that the stalker/harasser had used but in his defense…a word the harasser had used over and over again…and that when the abuse team looked at the chat log, that’s all they saw and banned him. Several of us wrote to the abuse department, asking that they take another look at the chat log for that night, to read the whole context of what had transpired and the friend was re-instated by the next morning.

I have made a formal, long, written complaint to the abuse team. I gave them a list of the almost 30 handles this stalker/harasser has used over the last month. He has a history of doing this to other members on the site and that will be investigated as well.

Everyone on the site has the right to enjoy what the site has to offer without being harassed like this. If you are not familiar with the Terms of Use (TOU’s) of the site, the two sections that apply here state: ‘your conduct…you cannot disrupt the normal flow of dialogue…or otherwise act in a manner that negatively affects other users’ or member ability to engage in real-time exchanges’ and you cannot ‘’stalk” or otherwise harass another person or user or member.’

This stalker/harasser has repeatedly violated the TOU’s with at least 25 different handles, most of which have been banned over the last month. A study of the last month’s chat logs will show they are all one, maybe two, individuals. And comparing all that to profiles that have been permanently banned in the past for exactly this kind of behavior may show a connection.

Until this stalker/harasser is permanently gone from the site, I encourage anyone who sees the abuse happening to do three things:

1.) Do not engage by responding. I know that it is very, very difficult to stand by and watch him verbally harassing and abusing a friend but it’s a very, very important first step.

2.) Make a screen print of the abusive language and attach that to a written report to the abuse team. You can find that link at the bottom of the main page under ‘help/how to contact’.

3.) Then, most importantly, put the harasser on ignore in the chat room. We must ignore him and his friends so that the chat rooms can get back to what they are designed for: fun, sexy, flirty chat amongst friends. If we don’t see his nasty posts, we can enjoy the chat.

You may ask, why not just skip to the third step, put him/them on ignore and be done with it. The reason that doesn’t work is that he feeds on attention…when he doesn’t get it, he will leave the chat room and come back with a new profile so he can continue the harassment…then we all iggy that handle, he leaves, comes back with a new profile, etc etc etc We have seen this happen many, many times.

There are, hopefully, steps the site can take to permanently ban someone. I am hopeful this will happen and soon as, every time this happens in a chat room, members leave the room and I don’t blame them: if I was paying good money to have fun on the site…having to see this kind of drama in a chat room is not many people’s idea of fun.

Thanks for listening.

LiveLifeDoU 65F  
2204 posts
9/7/2017 1:03 pm

Required first comment...

positively4you 70F  
3947 posts
9/7/2017 2:35 pm

I know it is not easy, but, ignoring them is what will really get to them. Response is just feeding them. Silence will be deafening to them.

pocogato12 68F  
33692 posts
9/7/2017 3:27 pm

OMG this is not funny and I think it certainly is very serious. Whoever this is , is disturbed. Until they recognize the IP address and ban that things are going to continue. I think you did very well to get this blog to post and I hope all bloggers who use the chat rooms are aware of this issue, protect themselves and protect you.

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Readmoreofeveryt 47F

9/7/2017 4:59 pm

That's horrible. Hope he bugs off and leaves you alone soon. I had one that would message me just to call me fake I just blocked him. Can you go into privacy and block all his handles? Can't support help? Thanks for info on what to do.

sweet_VM 62F
80981 posts
9/7/2017 8:24 pm

You can post this if you like. Luv I am really sorry that these idiots can be so abusive. Just to let you know that they can read a chat room up to 12 hours. There is no reason why they can't ban this asshole. If you can get a friend to report this person as well they will do something about it. Why do they do this because they don't have a life. Good luck. I have some friends on the site and still in contact with them. Just here to blog and staying away from some of these chat rooms as you did. Good luck and I hope they do something.
Hugs V

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Eriond30 45M
122 posts
9/8/2017 12:24 am

I'm so sorry you're going through all this Live *tight hugs*

27025 posts
9/23/2017 2:17 am

Why can the Abuse team not ban his IP address?

Shame on them.

Check out my profile or and become a "watcher" of my blog FMAOPLS,to learn more about me, and for intelligent, lively, smartassy and fun discussion, with a little irreverence thrown in. "Like" or comment on my photos, and I promise I'll add more. Thanks.

LiveLifeDoU replies on 9/24/2017 5:13 am:
Thousands of complaints are in by thousands of members so at this time, the site is doing an investigation...banning by ip address is hopefully one of the options they are considering.

kzoopair 69M/67F
25849 posts
12/1/2017 6:28 pm

I'm really sorry to read that all this has been happening to you. It sounds miserable. I used the chat rooms when I first visited them but I've avoided them like the plague after about a month. I'd had my belly full by then. Yeah, there is still abuse and bad behavior in the blogs but they are still a far more civilized forum.

As for banning IP addresses- IP addresses are not static but change all the time, randomly. It's a sad fact that trolls can simply start new profiles and hit right back. It's been happening for years. Lots of them have spare profiles already waiting,m just like bloggers will sometimes do, since they know they're planning to harass other members

We should chat again sometime. I haven't talked to you in ages.

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BlueMagic95 69M
991 posts
11/15/2018 6:19 pm

It really saddens me to read what is happening to you, because these are incidents that have been occurring for all of the 10 years I have been on AdultFriendFinder. I haven't seen or heard about it lately only because I haven't been spending as much time in the rooms, but obviously nothing has changed. 95% of the people (maybe more) who chat in the rooms are there to flirt, joke, meet people and enjoy their time. There is however, a group of people who use the anonymity as a weapon to harass others. They need to make themselves feel important and do so at others' expense. In this toxic political climate, things are probably even worse than I remember. All you can do is ignore these people, report them and hope the community will not allow such abuse to take place.

And in the end
The love you take
Is equal to the love you make

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